Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Bioxidea Miracle 48: Excellence Gold- With extreme hesitation I tried this expensive gummy-like facial mask and I only lasted for 5 minutes with it on. Face masks in general scare me, due to a fairly severe allergic reaction that I had to one in high school. Also noteworthy, my skin is very sensitive, so my review my not be the most helpful. After 5 minutes of use, my cheeks slightly started to burn and I removed the mask. My skin felt tighter, semi-soft and dry. For extra measure, I took a Benadryl to curb any possible side-effect that may develop. I like the idea of facial masks, but ultimately they scare me, harm my skin and waste my time. 

Reasons to Bitch
  • "$25 dollars for a one-time use mask, what am I made out of...money?"
  • "I was highly allergic to this face mask and now I have to wear a ski mask until it gets better.  
  • "I felt like I had cold lunch meet on my face, due to the jelly like texture of the mask. Eee."

NYX: Are You Depreyeved of Long and Full Lashes Mascara Serum: Jet Black- How basic can one mascara be...look no further, NYX has that answer. This is nothing more than a "beginner" mascara and it does nothing for my lashes.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Why, oh why can't we ever receive any other color than black?"
  • "I am drowning in mascara and wonder why makeup subs keep sending them."
NCLA Nail Wraps- Pizzo- If these worked well, I'd be all about them, but they don't. They are no better than taping on fancy wrapping paper to your nails. Sadly for NCLA, their competitors know how to make a nail wrap, leaving their product with much to be desired.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I didn't sign up to receive cheap nail stickers!"
  • "With these sweet nails, I will absolutely land me that dream job that I wanted...as a stripper."
Klorane: Dry Shampoo with Nettle- Klorane is an excellent brand which keeps producing incredible products. This Dry Shampoo has a refreshing mint scent that refreshes and revitalizes your hair, without weighing it down. Beautiful.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Well this will go into my 'Things to bring to a desert island' bag." Blush, I  actually wash my hair.
  • "This leaves a filmy, white residue on my hair...because I use way too much of it and spray too close to my head.
DHC Deep Cleansing Oil- As much as I'd like to join the "cult following," of DHC, it just isn't going to happen. Oil cleansers are often the cause of future breakouts, and that is the antithesis of my skin care regimen.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Isn't this an old person makeup remover? I mean, you can order it from a catalog."
  • "How old school is this packaging? I mean, DHC, did you give up after your first lame product design?"
Elizabeth Arden: Untold Eau de Parfum- Horrible bottle design. The last time this style of bottle was on trend, the Golden Girls were new to television. The scent is a mixture of 'old lady and intrigue' and who knew that would smell so good. Golden Girls & Bitchbox approved.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "This perfume didn't come with a little spritzer and my fine motor skills are still developing."
  • "I cannot stand when subs send me perfume samples, I can get those for free. Unsubscribe."
VBEAUTE: Rub Off Gentle Facial Exfoliator- Rub off exfoliators are rapidly gaining popularity in the skin care realm due to the immediate visible results. As off putting as seeing your dead skin cells clump together and roll off your face, I can't deny the overall satisfaction and results of the product.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "If I wanted to remove the first layer of my skin, I'd get a chemical peel."
  • "I don't enjoy having a glue-like substance, cling to my facial hair, making me look like I have a skin disease."
Jonathan: Finish Control High Shine Flexible Hairspray (Bonus Gift)- Amazing. I haven't been more satisfied with a hairspray than I am with this one. I think the packaging needs updated, but the product itself is great. The hold, texture and scent is light and airy. A+ 

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I wanted a different 'free gift.' Ugh I have all the worst luck."
  • "Aerosol destroys the ozone layer. Do you actually think that I want that on my consequence?"
Grade: B+

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Ipsy: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Just in case you do get that date for the weekend, Ipsy curated a "Look of Love" themed bag. If not...well, at least you can take a new, pretty  profile picture...that  only gets 3 likes. 

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

POP Beauty Plump Pout Mini: Peony - Pop Beauty is determined to make it in the cosmetic field and as long as they never make another Pop Beauty Lip Crayon, they will. The packaging was flawless and the color is bold. Dramatic lips is my favorite cosmetic trend and oddly enough, Pop Beauty has risen to the occasion. As far as "plumping" goes..it didn't do a thing. Womp.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Heavens to murgatroyd! This lippie smells like gasoline and chemicals galore!"
  • "This would be a stunning color...for my 8th grade daughter." Shaming finger.

Zoya Nail Polish: Odette- It's no secret that Ipsy loves Zoya and I'm glad that they do. Zoya Nail Polish is incredible for the sole fact that their colors look exactly the same as they do in the bottle. Odette is a classy, muted purple that complimented every possible outfit I put on. Well played, Zoya.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "How many polishes can a girl own?" Be ashamed of yourself if you asked this.
  • "The polish was thick and did not apply well. Wahhhhh"

City Color Be Matte Blush: Melon- How pink is too pink...'City Color Be Matte' doesn't know or care. I love this blush, but for me and my lack of any pigmentation, I will have to wait for the summer to wear this. Overall, it's a gorgeous, bright pink and it makes me look like a doll.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I already have rosy cheeks...and I don't need to wear blush."
  • "Simply too many parabens in this blush for my needs...now back to my organic garden."

Tini Beauty Eyetini Cordial Cream Shadow + Base In One: Amethyst- After application of this product, I felt my eyes tear up and my lids burning. Being a team player, I decided to wait it out. A mere 10 minutes later, I colored my other lid and enjoyed that burning. After the product dried and transitioned into a workable shadow, the burning eased. The color itself is lighter when dried and easily blended. This shadow lasted all day and the color was flattering...luckily for me, it burns, too.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I can barely apply regular, matte shadow. Who even knows how to do this?"
  • "Wah, I didn't receive the color that I wanted and that ruins everything."

Dr. Lin Skincare Acne Spot Corrector- Incredible. I've been a  long time fan of ProActiv+, but I think that I enjoy Dr. Lin more. The scent didn't reek of chemicals and medicine and the finish was smooth and hydrating. Dr. Lin's Acne Spot Corrector tingles upon application and you can almost feel the healing process. A+

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I only use organic products on my blemishes...and that's why I still have blemishes..."
  • "I broke out even worse from using this product. What now, Dr. Lin?"
February 2014 Bag Edition: Luckily this bag was pink to offset all of the possibly outraged women over the "Why wouldn't February's bag be Valentine's day themed" complaints. The classic pink color and festive cheetah-like design on the inside is great. The quality, is again, excellent and the design of the bag, perfect.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Ugh, you went with the quintessential pink-theme for Singles Awareness day." 
  • "I am against all animal cruelty and even find the pink cheetah design offensive."  

Overall, this bag was stellar. Also noteworthy, Ipsy has been steadily improving their "Rewards Program" and I appreciate that. For someone who isn't very good at getting referrals- or just simply refuses to spam the Facebook page with links, I am excited about the possibility of actually receiving an award.

Grade: A+

Birchbox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

February was all about being "Red Carpet Ready," but unfortunately my box didn't get the memo. Onto the Review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Shampoo- For such a fancy name, you'd think the packaging would match. What a horrible color scheme and overall vibe of the product. Even if I loved the product, I wouldn't buy it simply due to the poor marketing and merchandising of the brand. As far as useful information- the scent is bland and the effectiveness...ehh, my hair is clean.

Reasons to Bitch

  • "Bain de Terre, you are like the ugly girl of shampoo. Get a makeover and then maybe we'll be friends."
  • "I don't use anything that I cannot pronounce the name of...so sorry Bain de whaatttt?"

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Conditioner- Oh, excellent! Where would a wonky shampoo be without it's trustee sidekick conditioner...in someone else's box, that's where.
Conditioners are a godsend, so I do enjoy them. I can't really be impressed with the "Color Preserving" aspect, because my hair dye cost less than $3 and I do it myself. It would cost more to preserve my glorious locks, than it would to just re-dye them.

Reasons to Bitch

  • "Conditioners weigh down my hair and I don't realize that I'm probably using too much."
  • "This brand isn't a luxury, for anyone. Cancel my subscription.

Caudalie: S.O.S Moring Eye Rescue- I always have such high hopes for eye creams, but I can never tell if they work. The cream does have a cooling effect when applied under the eye and the scent is calming. As far as eye creams go, this is nice...but it's not like it completely de-puffed my eyes and made me look like a beauty queen.

Reasons to Bitch

  • "I don't know when to put this on. After my shower, before my makeup? After drinking?"
  • "Thanks for making me feel like an old person by sending me this eye cream."

OPI: Sheer Tints: I Can Teal You Like Me- I like the idea of this, but I'm not one to get crazy with my nails. I feel uncomfortable, awkward and off-balance, so the best I could do with this polish is wear it as it is.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "With the sheer blue tint on my nails, it looks as if lost oxygen and I'm dying."
  • "Well, if this isn't the tiniest bottle of nail polish to ever be sent out. I'm outraged."

Harney & Sons Fine Teas: Wrapped Sachets- My mom brings her very own teabag when she comes to visit me, "just in case" I'm fresh out. She clearly doesn't know that I subscribe to Birchbox.  I, however, appreciate the luxury and different flavors of tea that I have discovered over time and this tea is incredible.

Reasons to Bitch

  • "I have received tea in every other box and I'm going to tell all of my friends about this travesty. You just lost 3 subscribers, my friend."
  • "Tea! Awesome...I can't wait until I get sick now."

Instead of "Red Carpet Ready," my box's theme was "Retirement community." Look Grandma, we brought you color preserving hair products for you sassy gray hair, eye-cream for those late night bingo games, a new fun polish for that date you mention with your neighbor, Graham and two delicious types of tea. Now don't forget who loves you."

Grade (for a 27 year old): 70.2% C-
Grade (for a 72 year old): 95% A (That blue polish was a little wild)

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Pop Sugar Must Have: February 2014

If being single on Valentine's day was your only problem, then you clearly didn't receive this box. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Nourish Organic Argan Face Serum- As lackluster as this product is, I'm pleased with the timing of it. The polar vortex is destroying my skin and nothing has been able to save me from it. Used only when needed, Nourish Organic Argan oil is impressive.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I have super oily skin already and then you send me facial oil? Is this a colossal joke?"
  • "I don't use products like this, ever. I refuse to even try to incorporate this into my routine."
Sugarwish Candy: Cinnamon Hearts- I don't know how many cinnamon hearts are packed into this box, but I've eaten almost all of them. Out of all things candy, this one wouldn't be my all-time pick, but I can no longer deny it's cinnamon-y goodness.

 Reasons to Bitch
  • "I know I was one of those crotchety women that died when receiving the 'drug store' chocolate several boxes back...and you correct the situation with an over-priced, candy-shop featuring cinnamon hearts...instead of chocolate? Really. Happy Valentine's day to NO ONE.
  • "Cinnamon is much too spicy. Ow wee."
Gorjana Brooks Jewelry Roll- I like the idea of a jewelry roll and I didn't have one, but this one just doesn't fit my style. Red, sassy leather for all of my business trips and vacations that I don't actually go on. The wrap design fascinates me and I can appreciate the  jewelry roll itself, but the style is more of a "subscribe to this magazine and get a tacky red jewelry roll for freesies."

Reason to Bitch
  • "Just in case my boyfriend that I DON'T have suddenly buys me jewelry...I'll have a place to keep it safe...from all of my imaginary friends, that is.
  • "I like bold, statement pieces that can't even fit in this jewelry roll. Color me sad."

NCLA Nail Polish: Rodeo Drive Royalty- NCLA just isn't going to happen for me. I don't find the formula lasting, chip proof or high-end. The deep dark red is fitting for Valentine's day...assuming you even have plans.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "If I didn't already own this color from every other nail company, I just might be excited."
  • "I don't wear polishes and can't understand why beauty subs keeps sending them to me."
Model Co. Lip Pops Duo Lip Gloss and Lip Stick: Finding a good lip stick is like finding a good bra; basically mission impossible. Overall, I was highly impressed with this lip product. Worn singularly as a gloss or a lip stick is just one of the beautiful aspects of this product.
 Reasons to Bitch

  • "I don't wear lipsticks, or glosses. A double no."
  • "I have no one to kiss on Valentine's day, other than my cats...and they don't require lipstick."

K. Hall Designs Candle Tin: Peony- I adore candles, but this one makes me want to dig a hole, climb into it and never come out again. The next time I travel and want to have sex to a horrible smelling candle...I'll be in luck.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I have severe allergies that prevent me from enjoying simple pleasures in life like scented candles."
  • "Floral scents remind me of funeral homes...and that just isn't romantic."
Dial Vitamin Boost Body Wash- The body wash that has caused extreme turmoil, frustration and embarrassing verbal attacks on other subscribers is the ultimate 'gem of the box.' While this body wash is fine, it is extremely out of place, causing the most ridiculous uproar that I have seen to date.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Even Wal-Mart refuses to carry Dial because it's so cheap."
  • "I'm specifically not going to shower just to show my spite for this soap."
Long story short: Everyone fought about this soap and attacked each other, until they used it and surprisingly enjoyed it. Hence, Dials new tagline for their Vitamin Boost Body Wash:

"Even pretentious bitches like us."

Overall, this wasn't the box for me. While I seem to be enjoying the products more so than I thought, I can't help but feel a bit jaded, dishearted and...defeated.

Grade: D