Glossybox & Byrdie: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 

The eagerly awaited Glossybox, collaborated with Byrdie arrived early this morning. In the wee hours of 10:30 am, I awoke to my mailman beating down my door. Awake and disoriented, I decided to find out, if in fact, the bird is the word.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Balance Me Shine on Tinted Lip Salve: Super Soft Beige - As happy as I was to receive a lip product, I was slightly less than excited that it was a salve. When applied, there is literally no visible color and it smells like spearmint. The salve is ultra smoothing and moisturizing, so it does deliver...but it's not anywhere near the quality that I look for.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The color doesn't last long at all, or even show up for that matter."
• "It smells like spearmint, which reminds me of Freedent and that's a turn-off."

BVLGARI: Eau Parfumee Au The Vert De Cologne- Every woman should own at least one BVLGARI perfume. Not only is the bottle design sleek and classy, but the scent is so glamorous that even an ugly girl can feel pretty. This particular scent has a summery, feminine vibe that I can't get enough of.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "There isn't a spritzer on it and my man hands will get the perfume everywhere."
• "I have no idea how to pronounce the name so how will I tell my lover what to get me?"

Fresh: Lotus Youth Preserve Face Cream- When Charlie Brown goes Trick-or-treating and everybody gets candy and Charlie gets a rock...well that is how I feel about Face Creams. "I got a rock." With that said, I actually like this face cream. It was smooth and served as a great foundation for the rest of my make-up. Retailing at $42 for a full-size version, I didn't expect it to disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "It kind of smells like an organic garden and that's too weird for me."
• "I have way too many moisturizers and old people creams."

Sesha: Renu Exfoliating Gel- This product is so gross, that it is absolutely incredible. After you cleanse your face and your skin is completely dry, you rub this lubricant like gel on your face and watch it cling to your dead skin cells. The dead skin cells then roll up and peel off your face. I mean this is vile, horrible, awful and the absolute highlight of my day. An absolute must-have.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I had to take several tums after using this product, because it upset my stomach from the gross-factor."
• "It kind of looked like sperm, but didn't smell like it though."

Tarte: Lights, Camera, Flashes Statement Mascara- I had such high hopes for this "statement" mascara, because my little lashes are less than impressive. If applied correctly, this mascara does it all. It takes a bit of time, but the outcome is insane. The packaging is adorable and the product is scientifically proven. I can now see my lashes when I half close my eyes. A++

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I already have long lushes lashes and I don't see the point in this."
• "This didn't do anything for me, because I failed to read the instructions."

Overall, the bird, bird, bird really is the word.

A+ Glossybox, A+

Ipsy: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

After sending and posting relentless, irate letters to Ipsy, UPS and DHL, my bag FINALLY came. I mean,  I had to wait until mid-month, like Ipsy promised us from the very beginning. Oh, wait...I didn't do any of that, because I'm not a ball-sack. Onto the review:

Theme: The Art of Beauty

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Buxom Full-on Lip Polish: Dolly- Buxom is a prestige cosmetic line and well sought after for their remarkable products. I had high expectations for this gloss and after the pain of the lip-plumping misery went away, I liked it. The initial sting was quite awful and rather shocking. Several hours later, I could still feel the sting, BUT my lips were fuller. The color is a nice neutral, but this is a gloss with a vengeance.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Ipsy clearly hates me, because I didn't get this gloss."
• "For $10, I should have received the full-size, in addition to the 4 other products."
• "This is more of a 'little girl pink,' and I'm a full-on twat-face. I would prefer a darker shade."

Nourish Organic Body Lotion: Coconut & Argan- The smooth, moisturizing texture doesn't disappoint, however...the slight scent of vanilla does. Wah. Some woman are all about the "Organic" qualities of beauty products which this lotion offers. I, however, enjoy littering and wrecking havoc on our planet, so it's wasted on me. Relax, that was a joke.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The packaging looks like it's from the 80s and that isn't ok for my modern lifestyle."
• "I think Organic products are over-rated."
• "You can find this a Target, but I'd rather go to Walmart, so I can wear my pajama pants."

Ole Henriksen: Truth Serum Collagen Booster- Excellent skin care is the best foundation for your face full of makeup...including those awful anti-aging products. Ole Henriksen Truth Serum claims to reduce fine lines, brighten and protect from environmental aggressors. Slightly citrusy, fast-absorbing and non-greasy, Ole Henriksen just might do the trick for my frown lines.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I frown way too much for this product to be of help."
• "I really wanted this and feel outraged that I missed out on it."
• "I signed up for make-up, not skin care."

Sexy Hair: Blow Dry Gel- The 'Sexy Hair,' line is an absolute favorite of mine. I have yet to use a product that gave less than stellar results. A little goes a long way for this product. You only need about a dime-size worth of gel to get a complete blow-out effect. Well done, Sexy Hair, well done.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Um, this isn't the 90s...and I'm not going for a glamour shoot. Big hair need not apply."
• "I have a really outdated hair style and I'd like to keep it that way."
• "I already have voluptuous hair and I don't want to take additional time to style it."

Zoya Nail Polish: Mason- Fall 2013 nails are sure to look stunning with Zoya's new polish line. This polish is easy to apply due to the consistency of the product and is relatively long-lasting.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I hate the color that I received so much, that I cannot even give this a fair rating."
• "My 12 year old daughter wears blues, purples and greens. I'm too crotchety for that."
• "Another nail polish? I didn't even finish that last bottle..."

Overall, my bag was great...thankfully so! If not, I was going to have to write additional hate mail and post it on every forum I know of. I was then going to teach my kids that, Bitching and harassing a company is the ONLY way to get results. Good thing I like my bag...but there's always next month.

Click to Sign Up & Bitch

Rating: A