Popsugar Must Have: April 2015

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

April Inspiration: Spring, Simplicity, Markets, Outdoors

Produce Candles: Rhubarb Spring: For as good as this candle smelled unlit, one would think that it'd be even better lit. It didn't, in case you were unsure of where I was going with this. It lasts awhile, considering I have been burning it all day and I'm only a third of the down. I like it. It's a candle. Yay, candle?

Reasons to Bitch:

• "My mom doesn't let me play with matches...so I guess I'll use it as a paper weight."
• "Oh, am I the only one with electricity? Yeah, I don't need a candle." 

One Love Organics Gardenia + Tea Antioxidant Body Serum: Love this. Gardenia is always overly-powerful, but infused with tea, it's amazing. This "serum" leaves freshly shaved skin, soft and dewy...not Kim Kardashian, naked in an expensive dress dewy, but...more of a refreshingly, hydrated way.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Gardenia reminds me of old people. Gross."
• "I'm a hard-care naturalist...so I don't shave my legs...or mustache."

Dabney Lee Umbrella: Yay, umbrella! I don't understand why someone would go outside if it's raining, but say they do...because they need, well I'll never need anything enough to go out in the rain, but they urgently need...something, then this is the perfect umbrella! The umbrella is navy blue with white polka dots and a pink handle, so we know that it's for a girl. Yay, again. I like when things are pink, so I know it's for me.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I live in a desert and it never rains here. Thanks for sending something SO regionally specific."
• "I accidentally opened this up inside and now I have bad luck...FML."

Garden in a Bag: Organic Basal: I can hardly keep a cactus alive, so this will be a challenge. I also do not know what Basal is used for. This whole Garden is a Bag is more of an epic project, but I'll try it. I just never wanted to be so self-sufficient where I can grow and eat my own food.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The only thing I know how to grow is weed."
• "If this counts as the 'food item' in the box...I'm heavily disappointed." 

Flip + Tumble Reusable Bag: I never understood those environmentally-conscious people who bring their own bags places. I have to even them out by throwing garbage out of my car window. #joke. I love this bag...I know I'll never have it at the right time, but there is something so comforting knowing that I have a bag out there...somewhere...waiting to be filled.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "It's so wrinkly when unfolded and that makes me feel uneasy."
• "I can't find it, because it's just too compact."

Overall, this box is the very opposite of myself, however, it is all very practical. I like it, I'll use it and I'm satisfied. 

Grade: B+ ....because it didn't come with Granola.

Glossy Box: April 2015

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Marrakesh: Endz: Split End Mender & Preventer- It's easy to tell when a women does not use a leave-in conditioner. Today, I silently pointed out a women who could have used such a product. Frizzy, unruly, and certainly no-product, stood a woman at the jewelry counter at Walmart. Yes, buy your jewelry there...you're going places. This product smooths, conditions and tames...but I'd never buy it, because of the name...Mender & Preventer.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The full-size is only 1 oz, with my Rapunzel-like locks, that's hardly one application."
• "I am a shampoo and conditioner-in-one kind of gal. This step and product is unnecessary." 

Aerin: Waterlily Sun: A deluxe sized perfume spritzer, with the most pleasant of all smells. The info card describes it as a fragrance "meant to capture the feeling of sunlight reflecting on water...." and since I purposefully make it a point to avoid all sunlight, I can't say that I disagree. This is easily a new favorite scent and if I had the $110, I'd splurge on the 1.7 oz of water-reflected sunlight in a bottle.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Ever hear of allergies, Glossybox! What beauty sub would everrrr send a perfume sample their subscribers?"
• "I thought we were all getting full-sizes? Hook and Bait. Hook and Bait."

Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics: Stained Gloss: Rhythm Box- Featured in less than user-friendly packaging is a rather good product. This gloss oddly enough does not come with a lip brush, forcing the user to stain their fingers when applying the product. The color is glossy enough, yet intimidating for a low-maintenance kind of gal. Luckily, I'm high maintenance. (This product was also sent out to other subscribers in what is affectionately being referred to as "traffic cone orange...I would have liked that. Sad Face.)

Reasons to Bitch: 

• "Touch-ups at the local bump-n-grind are virtually impossible with this horrible squeeze-tip applicator."
• "No, no, no. I'm a professional woman and not a prosti-tot. I won't be using this."

Estee Lauder: Enlighten Dark Spot Correcting Night Serum: I'm not sure what a "dark-spot is or if I even have them...I do love Estee Lauder, so I'll add it to my already extensive skin-care routine. I don't expect miracles from it...because I don't actually know what I am trying to correct. I am thrilled to see Estee being featured and look for more to come in future boxes.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Department store make-up counters are a mere step-up above drug stores. Don't try to play me like that."
• "I have so many 'samples' of this product from all the free GWP that I've received from Estee. Fail."

Julep: Gel Eye Glider: Navy: Incredibly long-lasting with an ultra-smooth application, this Gel Liner will be a staple in my vanity. Navy is universally flattering for all eye-colors and easily transitions from daytime to nighttime.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I wanted Julep products, I'd subscribe to Julep. Please don't pass off other sub products for a broader range of advertising. 
• "I don't wear eye-liner, because I wear glasses." Guys don't make passes at girls' who wear glasses, EVER."

Thursday Friday Makeup Bag: I like the idea of this...but this is just so bad. It's so completely awful, but I like the brand. It's like the company said "What's the ugliest bag that we have...Oh, easy, this studded-lip bag. We've sold exactly zero of them...Hand them out and hopefully somebody will like it. I appreciate the bag, I really do...but why that design? How.

Overall, this month was an absolute hit. Glossybox continues to smash their competition with their thoughtfully packaged boxes and now...their stunning and highly sought after box designs.

Grade: A 

Ipsy: April 2015

                            

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch."Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: Beautifully Bohemian

JulieG Nail Color: Damsel: I don't enjoy getting nail-polish in sub-boxes, especially, when I could have gotten an Elizabeth Arden Lipstick, but after applying one-coat of this Barbie-pink, I'm glad I did. The formula is streak-free, beautifully colored and semi-chip resistant. I hate the name, it just screams...cheap, but I love the polish.

Reasons to Bitch:

• Cue the drugstore product complaints. It isn't fun without them.
• Q. Who actually paints their own nails? A. Poor people...with no style." 

Pandora's Makeup Box: Pink Carnation Blush: I love this blush more than my current blushes (excluding my Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush). It is a darkened pink color that almost gives the look of a sex-flushed, china-doll. It does not really blend well, and wears best without a bronzer. The sample comes adorably packaged in a magnetic tin that fits perfectly into a Z-palette.

Reasons to Bitch:

• Where the eff is the container for this thing?
• "I already own a blush." (Hey, want to go out for drinks tonight? No thanks, I already have a friend...)

theBalm Cosmetics: Nude Dude Eyeshadow Single: Flirty: Shimmering golden-violet shadow in an incredible package, there's nothing that I don't love about this. The shadow is well-pigmented and easily blended into the lid crease for a quick and professional daytime look. It's the perfect color to smoke-out around the lashes, popping with any eye-color.

Reasons to Bitch:

• I'm heavily offended by theBalm's repulsive and suggestive marketing to women, with their sexy man pictures gracing the cover of my eye-shadow single. 
• Great. Another "skin-tone" color. Where's the variety? Where's the fun? 

Mica Beauty: Eye Primer: Matte, waterproof and quick-drying, this primer is out for business. It doesn't take more than 15 seconds to dry and it creates a strong foundation for lasting eye shadow. For now, I like it better than my trusted Urban Decay primer, because of how fast it dries. 

Reasons to Bitch:

• There was a speck of mold in my primer. Thanks for that. (We all received the email and it isn't mold...it's an air bubble. Relax...unless air bubbles actually do scare you.) 
• The formula was just too thick for my delicate, little eyelids. I could barely open them after applying this paste. 

Mullein and Sparrow: Mini Lip and Cheek Tint: According to the Ipsy website this product is “an all-natural, sheer, tinted balm that gives your lips and cheeks a slight flush and dewy finish; it brightens the whole face with a sheer rosy flush for the cheeks, gloss the lips, and has a sweet orange scent!” Uh...what? This write-up is definitely not for this product. The color in the tin is a dark berry and when applied it is almost clear. Overall, it’s greasy, gritty on the lips and...the complete opposite of it’s description. 

Reasons to Bitch:

• This smells "too earthy," so clearly it is poison. I'll be complaining to IpsyCare in hopes to get a free product.
•  There is absolutely no color when this product is applied. This is clearly a glorified tin of Vaseline. 

April 2015 Bag Edition: Absolutely amazing. There was about an 8-month span where all of the bags seemed to be a cheap version of the last. No excitement, just another throw away...but then this straw, boho-chic gem comes along...it's fantastic. I would have paid 10.00 for this bag alone. 

I have been close to canceling this sub for months, because it seemed like the quality and excitement...disappeared. Hopefully, this month wasn't a fluke.

Click to Sign Up and Bitch!

Grade: A

Yves Saint Laurent Faux Cils Mascara

                         

Influenster sent me this product completely free to test and hopefully fall madly in love with to boost sales. It's a struggle to find an accurate review when a product is given for free. How many reviews can be taken seriously, when people are just raving about a product in hopes to get more offers. Luckily, you have me.

YSL. I stalked my mailman for you. I relentlessly searched the internet for details and photos of you. I read reviews and looked at before and after photos, waiting for your arrival. I was one of the lucky ones receiving you. The tears and complaints of those not lucky enough to receive you, filled my heart with joy! Excitement! And then...you came.

Packaged in a golden tube, like the outdated over-priced make-up items, easily located in the department stores was others supposed "holy-grail." The mascara was florally scented which caused my delicate eyes to water immediately. The over-sized, bushy brush was a challenge to work with, with my less than doll-like eyes. Several coats later, and no overwhelmingly look of satisfaction, I went to work. 8 hours in a fast-paced retail environment, I had to endure several touch-ups and increasingly dark raccoon-eyes. To look and me and think of me as anything more than an amateur make-up enthusiast would have been a compliment. I tried this mascara for 2 weeks, and the results were always the same.

With a $32.00 price-tag, I was horrified. I wanted to love this, but I couldn't.

I appreciate the offer to try this product, but I won't be welcoming it into my beauty routine any time soon.

Final Grade: C- 

 "I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes"

Temporary Hiatus

I must apologize for not updating my bloggy for what seems like ages. I have found myself, pregnant and between the constant peeing and nefarious nausea, my bloggy has taken a severe backseat. With that said, I will be back for May and fully except some type of drama that we can all make fun of, or viciously attack others over. It is, after all, a tough life out there, when our $10.00 doesn't quite yield the jackpot that we were all expecting.

Thank you to all of those that have waited patiently, your kindness if very much appreciated.

Influenster: Optic White Toothbrush + Built-in Whitening Pen

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

White teeth is something that we all dream about, but unless you can afford venires...you can count yourself out. I have tried every sort of teeth whitening kit, to professional bleaching and I just figured that pearly whites weren't meant for me, but then...Colgate invented the Optic White Toothbrush + built-in Whitening Pen.

The Colgate Optic White Tooth-brush + Built-in Whitening Pen is unlike any toothbrush or whitening kit that I have used. There is absolutely zero mess or lengthy waiting time for beautiful teeth. Colgate combined the daily brushing routine with the fantasy of having white teeth, into one compact toothbrush. Lighter than a traditional toothbrush, Colgate created a Whitening Pen that snaps into the base of the toothbrush, for an easier than ever teeth whitening experience. I was thrilled with seeing near immediate results and I almost started to like having to brush my teeth.

After brushing with the Colgate Optic White toothpaste, it was clear that Colgate owned my mouth. I  had a better experience than I did with my own dentist, sans health insurance. Thanks to Colgate, I am now able to brush and whiten my teeth within minutes.

Considering that each Colgate Optic White Toothbrush + Built-in Pen kit is supposed to last for 3 months, the 15.00 retail value is a steal. Whiter teeth in just 2 days...who could say no to that?

 Overall, I still hate mornings, but I love my white teeth.

Grade: A+

 

Glossybox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: The Month of Love (Unless you're single...then it's just February.)

Calm down...this is why you're single.

Anatomicals: Puffy The Eye Bag Slayer Wake Up Under Eye Patches: Dear God do I hate puns and the in your face attempt at trying to be funny that Anatomicals plasters all over their products. I haven't enjoyed a single product from Anatomicals...until these eye patches. Being a lady of the night, mornings are the devil and I don't exactly want others to know that I was "raging" the night before. With 30 minutes of relaxation from these lengthy-named eye patches, I almost look...human again.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "These eye patches gave me a rash and now nobody wants to be my friend."
• "I really want to buy these, but they are next to impossible to find!"

Lauren B. Beauty: Nail Couture in City of Angels- Pink, pastel polish is a fail for my ghost-like complexion. The polish is very thin and it takes 3 coats for a decent application. After the polish dries, the overall look is streaked and patchy. Lauren B. is also a pain to wipe off once it comes into contact with your skin.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "14 day no-chip guarantee? Yeah, I'll believe that once my Unicorn gives birth."
• "The brush was too long and flimsy; paired with a disappointing formula, we all lose."

Pureology Serious Colour Care: Colour Fanatic- With such a beautiful scent, I'd use this spray even if I didn't dye my hair. Overall, my hair feels softer and manageable.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't dye my hair...so this is a flop!"
• "My stylist has graciously hooked me up with an exceptionally high-end and over-priced hair care line. I'll pass Pureology, I'll pass.

Skin&Co Roma: Truffle Therapy Serum Plus- Anything that smells like coconut and sunscreen can be my friend. I can't say that I see any dramatic improvements with my skin, but I do smell like summertime...and for 75.00 per 1 fl ou, that's a steal. Psych, I can' afford this! After application, my skin felt tighter around my eyes and my cheeks felt smoother. Perhaps Skin&Co is the real deal.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I hope with all my heart that another sub sends me a Skin&Co product, because I'll never be able to afford it on my own."
• "I don't know what 'serums' actually do...so...I just won't use this.

Sumita Beauty: Kala Color Intense Pencil- Very similar to the Urban Decay 24/7 liner and I'm in love. Sumita doesn't blend quite as easily as Urban Decay, and that is awesome. Sumita in Kala is very black and actually lasts all day. The pencil is not retractable and did break while filling in my cat eye, but I can forgive those faults. If I didn't have a surplus of black liners, I'd absolutely repurchase this pencil.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I needed another black liner, like I need another hole in my head."
• "I am such a n00b when it comes to makeup and the only thing that I know how to do with black liners is to ring my whole eye like a whore."

Well played, Glossybox...for several months now, you have been lacking...but luckily you're making a comeback. Friendship: Renewed.

Grade: B+