Glossybox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: The Month of Love (Unless you're single...then it's just February.)

Calm down...this is why you're single.

Anatomicals: Puffy The Eye Bag Slayer Wake Up Under Eye Patches: Dear God do I hate puns and the in your face attempt at trying to be funny that Anatomicals plasters all over their products. I haven't enjoyed a single product from Anatomicals...until these eye patches. Being a lady of the night, mornings are the devil and I don't exactly want others to know that I was "raging" the night before. With 30 minutes of relaxation from these lengthy-named eye patches, I almost look...human again.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "These eye patches gave me a rash and now nobody wants to be my friend."
• "I really want to buy these, but they are next to impossible to find!"

Lauren B. Beauty: Nail Couture in City of Angels- Pink, pastel polish is a fail for my ghost-like complexion. The polish is very thin and it takes 3 coats for a decent application. After the polish dries, the overall look is streaked and patchy. Lauren B. is also a pain to wipe off once it comes into contact with your skin.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "14 day no-chip guarantee? Yeah, I'll believe that once my Unicorn gives birth."
• "The brush was too long and flimsy; paired with a disappointing formula, we all lose."

Pureology Serious Colour Care: Colour Fanatic- With such a beautiful scent, I'd use this spray even if I didn't dye my hair. Overall, my hair feels softer and manageable.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't dye my hair...so this is a flop!"
• "My stylist has graciously hooked me up with an exceptionally high-end and over-priced hair care line. I'll pass Pureology, I'll pass.

Skin&Co Roma: Truffle Therapy Serum Plus- Anything that smells like coconut and sunscreen can be my friend. I can't say that I see any dramatic improvements with my skin, but I do smell like summertime...and for 75.00 per 1 fl ou, that's a steal. Psych, I can' afford this! After application, my skin felt tighter around my eyes and my cheeks felt smoother. Perhaps Skin&Co is the real deal.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I hope with all my heart that another sub sends me a Skin&Co product, because I'll never be able to afford it on my own."
• "I don't know what 'serums' actually do...so...I just won't use this.

Sumita Beauty: Kala Color Intense Pencil- Very similar to the Urban Decay 24/7 liner and I'm in love. Sumita doesn't blend quite as easily as Urban Decay, and that is awesome. Sumita in Kala is very black and actually lasts all day. The pencil is not retractable and did break while filling in my cat eye, but I can forgive those faults. If I didn't have a surplus of black liners, I'd absolutely repurchase this pencil.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I needed another black liner, like I need another hole in my head."
• "I am such a n00b when it comes to makeup and the only thing that I know how to do with black liners is to ring my whole eye like a whore."

Well played, Glossybox...for several months now, you have been lacking...but luckily you're making a comeback. Friendship: Renewed.

Grade: B+

Glossybox: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Glossybox, why! Why, why, why! Somebody out there loved their box, but it certainly wasn't me. The products for this month were quite anti-climatic and well, no girl enjoys that. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Anatomicals: You Need A Blooming Shower!- Even if I enjoyed the horrendous scent of "panty-liner rose" I would still have an issue with the gaudy packaging and advertisement scheme. Nothing about this product worked for me. The scent, tacky colors and verbiage was an utter catastrophe. Who wants to take a shower and smell worse after it?

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't much care for floral scents and that is putting it nicely."
• "Anatomicals is such a cheap line of skin care. How good can that be for me?"

Ardency Inn: PUNKER World's Baddest Eyeliner- The only gem in the box was the eyeliner, but I'm neither a 'punk,' nor 'badass,' so the marketing for this little liner is again, wasted. The liner is that of a black sharpie and works quite well. It lasts all day and well into those dark and dreary nights.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "I like to pretend that I'm good at applying makeup, but cannot seem to use a liner correctly."
• "I got this confused with my sharpie and now I'm all messed up." Permanently.

Michael Todd True Organics: Pumpkin Mask- Clearly printed on the bottle is a warning against use on sensitive skin. Well, that's cool. Unless, I wanted a super-fun rash that swells my eyes shut for days on end..I think I'll pass.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Michael Todd tried to kill me with this product."
• "I hate all forms of pumpkin...so yeah, I'll smear that on my face."

Nails Inc. Victoria Polish- As for an international nail polish, I am fairly pleased. Again, the visual of the bottle itself is lacking, but the polish and crimson color are decent. Overall, Nails Inc. offers a shiny, no-chip product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I'm one of those fussy people that complain about products not made in the USA."
• "The rounded cap makes application quite difficult and my fine motor skills are weak."

Naobay: Oxygenating Cream Moisturizing- Lotion. Over-priced, Boring Lotion. If I'm going to pay for a lotion that costs over 20 dollars an ounce, I'd like to at least enjoy it. Out of all the competitors in the body care line, this one makes no sense.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This lotion promises so many benefits, but I can't afford it to find out."
• "Naobay is a natural and organic product...and I'm not one of those people."

Overall, this box was not curated for me. It's not that the products were 'bad,' they just were meant for someone else. Very sad ending for year 2k13.

Grade: D