Glossybox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: The Month of Love (Unless you're single...then it's just February.)

Calm down...this is why you're single.

Anatomicals: Puffy The Eye Bag Slayer Wake Up Under Eye Patches: Dear God do I hate puns and the in your face attempt at trying to be funny that Anatomicals plasters all over their products. I haven't enjoyed a single product from Anatomicals...until these eye patches. Being a lady of the night, mornings are the devil and I don't exactly want others to know that I was "raging" the night before. With 30 minutes of relaxation from these lengthy-named eye patches, I almost look...human again.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "These eye patches gave me a rash and now nobody wants to be my friend."
• "I really want to buy these, but they are next to impossible to find!"

Lauren B. Beauty: Nail Couture in City of Angels- Pink, pastel polish is a fail for my ghost-like complexion. The polish is very thin and it takes 3 coats for a decent application. After the polish dries, the overall look is streaked and patchy. Lauren B. is also a pain to wipe off once it comes into contact with your skin.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "14 day no-chip guarantee? Yeah, I'll believe that once my Unicorn gives birth."
• "The brush was too long and flimsy; paired with a disappointing formula, we all lose."

Pureology Serious Colour Care: Colour Fanatic- With such a beautiful scent, I'd use this spray even if I didn't dye my hair. Overall, my hair feels softer and manageable.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't dye my hair...so this is a flop!"
• "My stylist has graciously hooked me up with an exceptionally high-end and over-priced hair care line. I'll pass Pureology, I'll pass.

Skin&Co Roma: Truffle Therapy Serum Plus- Anything that smells like coconut and sunscreen can be my friend. I can't say that I see any dramatic improvements with my skin, but I do smell like summertime...and for 75.00 per 1 fl ou, that's a steal. Psych, I can' afford this! After application, my skin felt tighter around my eyes and my cheeks felt smoother. Perhaps Skin&Co is the real deal.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I hope with all my heart that another sub sends me a Skin&Co product, because I'll never be able to afford it on my own."
• "I don't know what 'serums' actually do...so...I just won't use this.

Sumita Beauty: Kala Color Intense Pencil- Very similar to the Urban Decay 24/7 liner and I'm in love. Sumita doesn't blend quite as easily as Urban Decay, and that is awesome. Sumita in Kala is very black and actually lasts all day. The pencil is not retractable and did break while filling in my cat eye, but I can forgive those faults. If I didn't have a surplus of black liners, I'd absolutely repurchase this pencil.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I needed another black liner, like I need another hole in my head."
• "I am such a n00b when it comes to makeup and the only thing that I know how to do with black liners is to ring my whole eye like a whore."

Well played, Glossybox...for several months now, you have been lacking...but luckily you're making a comeback. Friendship: Renewed.

Grade: B+

Pop Sugar Must Have: February 2014

If being single on Valentine's day was your only problem, then you clearly didn't receive this box. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Nourish Organic Argan Face Serum- As lackluster as this product is, I'm pleased with the timing of it. The polar vortex is destroying my skin and nothing has been able to save me from it. Used only when needed, Nourish Organic Argan oil is impressive.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have super oily skin already and then you send me facial oil? Is this a colossal joke?"
• "I don't use products like this, ever. I refuse to even try to incorporate this into my routine."

Sugarwish Candy: Cinnamon Hearts- I don't know how many cinnamon hearts are packed into this box, but I've eaten almost all of them. Out of all things candy, this one wouldn't be my all-time pick, but I can no longer deny it's cinnamon-y goodness.

 Reasons to Bitch

• "I know I was one of those crotchety women that died when receiving the 'drug store' chocolate several boxes back...and you correct the situation with an over-priced, candy-shop featuring cinnamon hearts...instead of chocolate? Really. Happy Valentine's day to NO ONE.
• "Cinnamon is much too spicy. Ow wee."

Gorjana Brooks Jewelry Roll- I like the idea of a jewelry roll and I didn't have one, but this one just doesn't fit my style. Red, sassy leather for all of my business trips and vacations that I don't actually go on. The wrap design fascinates me and I can appreciate the  jewelry roll itself, but the style is more of a "subscribe to this magazine and get a tacky red jewelry roll for freesies."

Reason to Bitch

• "Just in case my boyfriend that I DON'T have suddenly buys me jewelry...I'll have a place to keep it safe...from all of my imaginary friends, that is.
• "I like bold, statement pieces that can't even fit in this jewelry roll. Color me sad."

NCLA Nail Polish: Rodeo Drive Royalty- NCLA just isn't going to happen for me. I don't find the formula lasting, chip proof or high-end. The deep dark red is fitting for Valentine's day...assuming you even have plans.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I didn't already own this color from every other nail company, I just might be excited."
• "I don't wear polishes and can't understand why beauty subs keeps sending them to me."

Model Co. Lip Pops Duo Lip Gloss and Lip Stick: Finding a good lip stick is like finding a good bra; basically mission impossible. Overall, I was highly impressed with this lip product. Worn singularly as a gloss or a lip stick is just one of the beautiful aspects of this product.
 Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't wear lipsticks, or glosses. A double no."
• "I have no one to kiss on Valentine's day, other than my cats...and they don't require lipstick."

K. Hall Designs Candle Tin: Peony- I adore candles, but this one makes me want to dig a hole, climb into it and never come out again. The next time I travel and want to have sex to a horrible smelling candle...I'll be in luck.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have severe allergies that prevent me from enjoying simple pleasures in life like scented candles."
• "Floral scents remind me of funeral homes...and that just isn't romantic."

Dial Vitamin Boost Body Wash- The body wash that has caused extreme turmoil, frustration and embarrassing verbal attacks on other subscribers is the ultimate 'gem of the box.' While this body wash is fine, it is extremely out of place, causing the most ridiculous uproar that I have seen to date.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Even Wal-Mart refuses to carry Dial because it's so cheap."
• "I'm specifically not going to shower just to show my spite for this soap."

Long story short: Everyone fought about this soap and attacked each other, until they used it and surprisingly enjoyed it. Hence, Dials new tagline for their Vitamin Boost Body Wash:

"Even pretentious bitches like us."

Overall, this wasn't the box for me. While I seem to be enjoying the products more so than I thought, I can't help but feel a bit jaded, dishearted and...defeated.

Grade: D