Ipsy: September 2013 Review

Sweet Photo skills of Jzim

 

Theme: Classic Beauty

I love the look of a  simple, classic, beautiful girl...but some people have no idea what that means or even looks like and throws on everything they get in their bags. Just because it's sent together, doesn't mean it goes together. Well, Jamie, why must you be such a bitch? I'm sorry, sorry that you needed to find out this way, but you may thank me later. Maybe. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards

Cailyn Cosmetics Tinted Lip Balm: Big Apple- Phenomenal. There isn't really any other way to describe this "lip balm." The color is a vibrant, matte gorgeous red. Some red lip products are of that of a scary clown, but this one is far beyond that. The color lasts for hours and doesn't bleed around your mouth leaving you look like a 6-year child who got into the Cherry Kool-Aid. A slight downside would be that it is not very moisturizing, but deal with it. Red lips scream, bitch in charge.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Another red! Please stop sending redsssssssssssss"
• "I am not a hooker and you are compromising my morals by sending me this!"
• "I don't know how to wear lipstick and I'm too lazy to learn!"
• "I am, in fact, a hooker and I didn't get this. Wah."

Elizabeth Mott It's So Big Volumizing Mascara: Black- I could receive a mini-mascara in every bag and be cool with that. Mascara has such a short shelf-life and if you're using a mascara older than 6 months, well enjoy that eye infection that you're about to get. This product is cute, purse-worthy and effective.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "We were just sent a mascara last month!"
• "I don't use mascara and expect Ipsy to the cater to the classes not the masses."
• "The title is sexually suggestive and this makes me uncomfortable."
• "Um, I checked no mascara in my profile and I'm too stupid to know that this was sent to everybody."

NYX Single Eyeshadow: Purple- Someone on the message boards referred to this as an "Easter Egg Purple." I think that made my life. I don't know who said it, but she deserves some credit. With that aside, this is a pretty gorgeous color. After you swatch it, it's more of a delicate purple with a slight shimmer.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I signed up to get premier make-up and you sent me NYX."
• "I don't like the color I was sent." (Only ok, if you received the blue. Uncool.)
• "I have so many shadows and only two little eyes."
• "It doesn't come with an applicator and this breaks my heart."

J.Cat Beauty Fantabulous Lipstick: Honey Crisp- For those of you that received this product, you're acting a fool...this lipstick (mainly the color) is genius. I have looked everywhere for an actual nude lipstick that covers up your lips and not just blend in with them. If you were to do a complete smoky eye (blacks & browns) and then wiped your lips out with this nude color, you'd look gorgeous. I can't stand a heavy lip with a heavy eye. I love this color and really if you were in a pinch, you could use it for a make-shift concealer. Half the fun in make-up is trying something new.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Oh Em Gee, this color is HORRIBLE."
• "I look like a corpse with this on."
• "I hate cats and therefore, I hate J.Cat Beauty."

Jesse's Girl Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner: Black- Jesse's Girl, where have you been all my life? This eyeliner is legit. From the sleek packaging to the flawless application. Cheers all around. Liquid eyeliner is usually a pain in the ass for some, but this is idiot proof. I quickly swiped in on with little effort and there it was, incredible. As for waterproof, they aren't joking. I swatched it 4x on my hand and proceeded to wipe it off with a wet rag. I ended up with a raw hand and barely smudged liner. A+

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I didn't get this and I now feel that Ipsy has a personal vendetta against me."
• "I don't know how to apply liquid eyeliner."
• "This liner reminds me of the song "Jesse's Girl," and I hate that song."

Now, ok if you were totally thrilled with your bag this month and you still want to bitch, we could always bitch about shipping methods and how we feel that others received better bags than ourselves.

The Verdict: Incredible. Thanks Ipsy.

Join me and bitch:  SIGN UP & BITCH

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: September 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim


Blush Mystery Beauty Box came and I was so excited, but then I turned into an extreme Negative Nancy. Luckily, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pop Beauty Pouty Pop Crayon: Fuchsia Flirt- WAH! I tried to like this crayon, just like I tried to like the scent of Vanilla, and I simply cannot do it. Ipsy sent a Pop Beauty Coral Crayon my way months prior and it was just as bad. The application is weak and it does not cover at all. Out of all the lip crayons in the world, this one does not work well. I think a Crayola crayon would cover better.

Alterna Caviar Anti-Aging Dry Shampoo: I believe in this wild idea of actually washing my hair but, when I do use a Dry Shampoo, it just reminds me that I'm still dirty. All bitching aside, I really do like the Alterna brand and have always been impressed. This is a powdered dry shampoo which makes application a bit more of a challenge. Just go shower.

LVX Nail Laquer- Nail polishes are fun, but I find it hard to beat O.P.I. The laquer was thinner than most nail colors and it immediately stained the areas around my cuticles. After the initial application, drying time was average and the color was stellar. As for chipping, sadly 1 day is all it took. Wah, again. 

Amlactin Triple Action Alpha-Hydroxy Therapy Foot Cream- Scentless foot cream. Isn't the whole appeal to a foot cream the scent? The information card said that the cream "Sloughs off dead skin cells as it soothes and smoothes severely dry and calloused feet." Hungry? For this little write-up alone, Wah, AGAIN.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Clear Brow Gel- I needed a new brow gelllllll! At first I didn't think the product was effective so I coated on several layers. Don't do this, it works fine with one application. With several coats, my eyebrow were that of a Ken Doll.

Racinne Deluxe Travel Set- I was pissed when I received this. Like legit pissed! A whole collection just for me? A whole, "You're almost 30, so I sent you this Youth Serum" gift! I NEVER in a BILLION plus 10 years would ever buy this. But then, I realized just what I was making fun of others for. Preemptive bitching over a product that "I never would have purchased for myself." So I tried it...and I now have to say that this product alone made the whole box. My skin looks and feels the best that it has in years. Unfortunately, I had to be a cry-baby wah-face beforehand.

Brad Biophotonic Skin Care Ultra Peel- Retailing at 25.00 for a quarter of an ounce and I'm afraid to try this. I'm not big into "peels" and I don't want to have the first 3 layers of my face being rinsed down the drain. Once I do give this a go, I'll update further.


Overall, this box initially ruined my day, until I stopped being a pathetic, self-entitled sap. All in all, the value was there and the products were actually quite impressive, minus the Pop Beauty Crayon.

WAH! Meter- 5/10

Birchbox: September 2013 Review

Sweet photo-skills of Jzim

September's theme is Heritage, all about where they came from and how they got to be there. ie: Started from the bottom, now I'm here...according the Drake

A good bit of the caterwauling on Birchbox's Facebook page has been positive for this month. Sure there still are your negative nancy's, but where else can we find such trivial ridiculousness other than on the inter-web?

My box of preciousness includes:

Amika: Blow Up Spray- Such a great scent...It makes me feel like I just went to a salon and that I could actually have money, like be a wealthy kind of girl. It has that kind of affect on me. A product that protects your hair AND gives you a false sense of financial security, A+

Caudalie: Cleaning Water: How pretentious, "Cleansing Water," It's so stuck-up and I love that. It easily removes make-up and doesn't leave a greasy after feel. Nothing is worse than using a makeup remover and then having to wash your face because of the oils. The packing is also well done. It's like they are telling us that they are better than us, but they still want to be our friend.

Coastal Scents: Moroccan Sunset- Highly pigmented and overall I'm impressed. This quad is super cute and will be perfect for a mini-zpalette to stick in your car for whenever you need to go to Target, because Wal-Mart didn't have what you needed.

Ruffian: Hedge Fund- Hallelujah, I got the green color. It's such a glamorous fall lacquer and the application was of high quality. The packaging was also adorable. A win on all fronts.

Egyptian Magic: All- Purpose Skin Cream (Beauty Extra) Before your panties get stuck up your annoying ass, calm down and realize that this "foil packet," is indeed, a "Beauty extra." Ok, you're welcome...you were not aware of this, but now you are. What is exciting about this product is that it helps with moisturizing, wrinkles BRUISES & BURNS. I mean that's cool. I can't wait to get burned now, maybe even kicked and bruised.

Overall, I loved this month. Sadly, BB forgot to send me my "Golden Ticket of 1,000 BB points." I'll keep checking my account for these points for their massive mishap. Geez.

Everyday there is incessant bitching and unnecessary comparison of Ipsy vs. Birchbox, which doesn't even make sense. If you take my box alone, subtract the Egyptian Magic, the box itself and add an Ipsy bag, you have almost an exact month sample of what Ipsy would send. Ipsy sends coastal scents all the time. So why is everyone bashing Birch box and comparing them to Ipsy, well short answer...people are stupid.

Sign-up for Birchy-box: I want a Birchbox, too!

Love,
Jamie.

Glossybox: August 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim



Hello, Glossybox! After stalking my mail carrier for days on end, he finally delivered my box. It was so nice of him not to pound on my door like a serial killer tracking down his next victim. Scares me, but that's besides the point.

For $21 dollars, I was sent a box worth over $85. If you're a numbers type of gal, then I'm sure you are pleased. If you could care less about the price-points and more about the products, then please read on.

Theme: Bohemian Summer

Anatomicals- Spray Misty for Me Facial Spritz: I have never been one for Facial Sprays and I'm still not today. I don't really see the benefit to them, unless you are at the beach and you want a quick way to cool down. Then, maybe I would be interested. The scent is a lavender, peppermint mix which is supposed to have a calming, invigorating aspect to it. I spritzed it on and then swiped a cotton ball over it. Dramatic results...no. Incredible feel...no. Allergic reaction...surprisingly not!    

Novex- Brazillian Keratin Hair Care Treatment Cream: Deep conditioner for the hair, but absolutely no instructions on what to do with it. I had to do some quick research on what I was supposed to do, exactly. Do I leave it in, wash it out or eat it? The overly crowded, shiny label called it "Hair Food..." not everyone is as smart as I am, so perhaps eating it was an option.

How to use:

1. Daily conditioner
2. Deep conditioning tx: Leave in for 30 min, wrapped in a shower cap, rinse
3. Deep conditioning tx: Leave in for 15 min, add heat ie: blowdryer, rinse

I used method #2...kind of. After staying in the shower for as long as I could stand (an additional 10 minutes, mind you) I rinsed my hair and styled it. My results, shiny hair. Nothing more, nothing less. This products received rave reviews from women of color with super curly or hard to manage hair. I wasn't astounded by the product, but perhaps I'm not the target audience. Overall, Novex Brazilian Keratin Hair Tx smelled absolutely wonderful, did nothing spectacular for me and had me naked in the shower for an additional 10 min.

Jelly Pong Pong Lip Blush- Cranberry: How I love a good lip product. The name is asinine and I would never refer to it as "Jelly Pong Pong." I just cannot see myself busting that one out with a straight face. Besides the lame name, this Lip "Blush," is pretty fantastic. Smooth, almost matte texture of a rather pink lip product has me pleasantly surprised. I would never have picked this color out for myself, but again Glossybox knows best. Apply (not liberally, like suggested) and tightly press your lips together to achieve maximum sexiness.

ModelCo Eyeshadow Duo- Bronzed Goddess: I was surprised to receive an eye shadow, instead of the featured nail color. Maybe, I'm just a lucky girl. ModelCo has far exceeded my expectations for an eye shadow. The colors are universally flattering, pleasantly pigmented and have the perfect amount of glitter in them. Some shadows have more glitter than a unicorn, but ModelCo has found the perfect amount. I am thrilled with this product and will not actually break it open and add it to my Z-palette.

Sue Devitt Triple C-Weed Pressed Poweder- Quiet and Still: I understand that I'm "Snow White pale," but that doesn't make me "quiet and still." Oh, bitch if I must...Apparently, Sue Devitt went out of business months prior and the remaining products are available for sale. So, grand scheme...fall in love with a product that will not be available for purchase later. So, of course I like this powder...joke's on me!

Added Bonus: Guess Jean makeup pouch...I don't care for promotionally branded items, but the gesture is sweet.

Overall, I love Glossybox and trust their opinions on what's hot in the realm of beauty. All full-size products, I can't complain. As for my "Bohemian Summer," well I'm waiting for my Winter Wonderland.

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: August 2013 Review

Sweet photo skills of Jzim



This is my first Blush Mystery Beauty Box and I can't rave enough about it. If my incredibly talented photo-skills, using my iPhone 4 (not 4s) hasn't won you over, then let my epic descriptive talent do the work.

For 24.95 you are sent a plethora of high-end beauty products, promised to be valued at over $100. My box was shipped the same day I purchased and I received it in 3 days. So, we know that bitching about shipping...won't be Blush Mystery Beauty Box's issue. Since I am new to this box, I won't break down my post into "Reasons to Bitch." I'll need to do a little more investigating before I start cracking the whip.

The line-up is as follows:

Philip B. Maui Wowie Beach Mist: Unbelievable. The scent was created by angels, for one and the product itself is something Aphrodite would use. The mist creates a non-sticky texture and truly volumizes the hair. This mist is phenomenal on dry or wet hair. My preferred look was on dry hair, but I look just as sexy with it spritzed on my wet hair. This product gives me all of the benefits of the classic "beach hair," without having to actually go outside. "Omg, did you get back from the beach? No, absolutely not...I came from the shower."

Mor Emporium Hand Cream: Snow Gardenia- First off, the packaging was gorgeous: Black, gold and ritzy. The scent was girly and fresh and the texture was smooth. This lotion far exceeded my "eh, feeling," specially reserved for moisturizing products.

Anastasia Beverly Hills Lash Genius Waterproof Topcoat- This product is such a brilliant idea. We all have our favorite mascara and sometimes may wish it was waterproof. Anastasia Beverly Hills solved all of our troubles. I don't always want to rip my lashes off of my lids because my mascara for running errands was waterproof, but now...I have that option.

Skylark Memoir Fragrance Collection- Not every bag contained this item, luckily mine did. Each set contains 3 roller balls of 1 soon to be new full-sized fragrance. Rollerball perfume is such a luxurious experience and one I cannot live without.

Eminence Strawberry Rhubarb Dermafoliant- Organics! I don't really follow the "Organic" trend, but I do appreciate the concept of "Back to Nature." This product has a great scent and leaves the skin feeling clean. I don't know if it will clean the pores like it's supposed to, but a girl can dream.

Coola SPF 30 Face Classic-Sunscreen: Cucumber- It's sunscreen and it has been scent by virtually every sub-box out there. No complaints from me...other than it doesn't work, if you don't wear it. Stupid people probably needed me to explain this. I know...I was outraged when I discovered this and got sunburnt, too.

Colorescience Sunforgettable Face Primer SPF 30- Primers are a great and often overlooked beauty step. I have yet to try this pricy primer, but I'm sure it will be wonderful.

Pixi Beauty Endless Silky Eye Pen; No.5 Deep Plum: Smooth, creamy, pigmented and long-lasting. This is what an eyeliner is supposed to be and Pixie hit the mark on this one. I am in love. A self-obsessed UD lover, well...luckily there is enough room in my heart to include this liner. Such a complimentary color.

The verdict: Impressive. Everyone likes to compare sub boxes (which makes zero sense), but Blush Mystery Beauty Box...well I think it stole my heart.

September, please?

Ipsy: August 2013 Reivew

Sweet Photo skills of Jzim

 

Welcome to Glamour Academy...Ipsy's August Theme.

 

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards

 

Per the usual, I'm pretty thrilled with this bag. For 10.00...who can complain? Oh, wait...everybody can complain, about ANYTHING, and they DO. Well, I want to be apart of the party...so here goes.

 

Urban Decay Revolutionary Lipstick: Anarchy- This is by far, the BEST lipstick that I have ever used. In general, I am a huge UD fan, but who isn't? This is a highly-pigmented lipstick that last for hours. HOURS! I mean you can do almost anything with your mouth and your lipstick won't budge. I know that I can appreciate that. Plus, this lipstick makes me feel sexy...I can't wait to collect them all.

 

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I didn't get the color that I wanted!"
• "I was actually one of the people that wanted the chap stick." (Which smells great, btw.)
• "I'm not too smart and actually expected the full-sized lipstick!
• "It's too bold and I am a professional woman!"
• "I didn't get it." (And this really does suck...something as "prized" as this, really should have been included into everyone's bag.)

Pixie Beauty Lash Booster Mascara: Blackest Black- I feel like Pixie Beauty is finally busting out on the beauty scene with an epic vengeance! I love Pixie...the products are so well made and they flatter everybody. This mini-mascara is the perfect size to stick in your clutch for when you go out dancing with the girls.

 

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't use mascara!"
• "I wanted a different color..."
• "I only wear waterproof, because I cry a lot."

Mica Beauty Eye shadow: Bronze- I received this shadow in the Earth color in a previous bag. Normally, I don't like loose shadows, but I have used my Earth color almost everyday. I have never heard of Mica, prior to Ipsy sending out the black Gel Liner...but now, well...I couldn't imagine a life without it.

 

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't know how to apply loose shadow."
• "Bronze! This is only currently on trend...but I still don't like it!"
• "It's too messy and I don't clean...ever..."

Michael Todd Jojoba Charcoal Scrub- Ipsy sent out such a generous size of this product! I have yet to try it, because I'm still using up all my other scrubs. I have a real problem with multiple open containers of similar products. So far, I like the packaging.

 

Reasons to Bitch:

• "My skin is just too sensitive!"
• "I don't know how to pronounce, "Jojoba," and that angers me.
• "I REALLY wanted the pumpkin mask!" (Idea! Buy it?)

Chella Dazzling Dark Brown Eyebrow Pencil- Eyebrow pencils aren't something I normally play with. Brow Gel, that's my thing...but pencils, well not just yet. I'll probably mess around with this, but my brows are so thin and refuse to grow to my hearts desire...maybe it's a sign. I'll draw those bitches on.

 

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't know how to use this." (Me, neither.)
• "I have caveman eyebrows already!"
• "I received a color opposite of my brows." (Use it for an eyeliner)

In conclusion: Glamour Academy was a HUGE success for me. Update your style quiz every month...and hopefully you will fall in love with your bag like I did. In addition to the incredible products I received, I must say that the makeup bag was adorable and well crafted.

 

 Clickity-click-click SIGN UP & BITCH

 



Birchbox Bitching: August 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 

Birch-y-box just arrived! For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

The August theme is "Finishing School." I did not understand the theme was concurrent with "Prep School or Cotillion Classes." I thought it was like, "Hey, I'm Finishing School!" It wasn't until I read the added literature that I understood the theme. I can't be the only one...

 

Tan Towel- A Birchbox Beauty Extra, I like the idea of this, but I'm whiter than a ghost, so it would take more than 1 Tan Towel to fix me up. I'll still get the bright idea that this will, in fact make me a bronze goddess and use it...most likely before a big event where all my friends will be.

 

Reasons to Bitch

• "Only 1 Tan Towel! I expected a whole box of them!"
• "I'm already tan...what can I do with this?"
• I only like to tan with natural sun light...not with chemicals!"
• The packaging tells me to "Look Good Naked," bitch please...have you seen me! I'm already there.

Dr. Jart+ Beauty Balm- I haven't met a BB Cream that I haven't loved. The color matches perfectly and the finish is matte and oil-free.

 

Reasons to Bitch

• "The color doesn't match my skin, perfectly! (You probably don't even know what you need)"
• "I expected more than a 7-day "trial."
• "My skin is super sensitive and I'm way too much of a puss to try this."
• "Beauty Balm? I thought that was a lip balm. Hook and bate, BB!"

Modelco Party Proof Lipstick (Disco Fever)- I am a lipstick whore. I can't get enough of the color-infused, glam-tubes. (Mine came broken, but the fabulous customer service at BB is shipping me a new one)

 

Reason to Bitch

• "The color! Wah, wah the color! Disco Fever? More like Ugly Fever."
• "Party Proof? Nobody invites me to any parties. Now I'm even sadder."
• "I don't wear lipstick...and I'm angry that you tried to make my attractive."

Lumiere d'hiver Super Comb and Protect- Leave-in conditioner is my hair's only saving grace. Without leave-in conditioners, I'd most likely pull a crazed Britney Spears and shave my hair off. I love the scent of this product. It has a masculine-type scent and nothing close to Vanilla. The sample size is quite nice, too.

 

Reasons to Bitch

• "My pump-spray won't work, because I didn't prime it enough."
• "I only use Argon Oils from exotic countries, not leave-in conditioners."
• "I don't like the scent." I prefer Vanilla."
• "The packaging is colorless. I'm a cheery kind of girl and this just won't do." 

Jasmine Seven Fresh Feet Wipes- Feet wipes! This is a good idea, but it's a bit pretentious. My friends already think I'm fussy, because the outdoors scare me; so I think it'll be great to bust out these wipes and use them in their company.

 

Reasons to Bitch

• "I use my vagina wipes for a whole-body tune up. I'm already covered, Jasmine."
• "I'm anti-flip flops, so my feet never get dirty."
• The peppermint scent burns my delicate little tootsies. Wah.
• "I didn't know that I couldn't use these on my face and now my eyes are swollen. Lawyer Up, BB."

What can I say? I love Birchbox. I find all kinds of sweet products that I never knew existed. After this box, I'm officially ready to "Finish School."

Clickity-click-click SIGN UP & BITCH