Blush Mystery Beauty Box: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Bioxidea Miracle 48: Excellence Gold- With extreme hesitation I tried this expensive gummy-like facial mask and I only lasted for 5 minutes with it on. Face masks in general scare me, due to a fairly severe allergic reaction that I had to one in high school. Also noteworthy, my skin is very sensitive, so my review my not be the most helpful. After 5 minutes of use, my cheeks slightly started to burn and I removed the mask. My skin felt tighter, semi-soft and dry. For extra measure, I took a Benadryl to curb any possible side-effect that may develop. I like the idea of facial masks, but ultimately they scare me, harm my skin and waste my time. 

Reasons to Bitch

• "$25 dollars for a one-time use mask, what am I made out of...money?"
• "I was highly allergic to this face mask and now I have to wear a ski mask until it gets better.  
• "I felt like I had cold lunch meet on my face, due to the jelly like texture of the mask. Eee."

NYX: Are You Depreyeved of Long and Full Lashes Mascara Serum: Jet Black- How basic can one mascara be...look no further, NYX has that answer. This is nothing more than a "beginner" mascara and it does nothing for my lashes.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Why, oh why can't we ever receive any other color than black?"
• "I am drowning in mascara and wonder why makeup subs keep sending them."

NCLA Nail Wraps- Pizzo- If these worked well, I'd be all about them, but they don't. They are no better than taping on fancy wrapping paper to your nails. Sadly for NCLA, their competitors know how to make a nail wrap, leaving their product with much to be desired.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I didn't sign up to receive cheap nail stickers!"
• "With these sweet nails, I will absolutely land me that dream job that I wanted...as a stripper."

Klorane: Dry Shampoo with Nettle- Klorane is an excellent brand which keeps producing incredible products. This Dry Shampoo has a refreshing mint scent that refreshes and revitalizes your hair, without weighing it down. Beautiful.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Well this will go into my 'Things to bring to a desert island' bag." Blush, I  actually wash my hair.
• "This leaves a filmy, white residue on my hair...because I use way too much of it and spray too close to my head.

DHC Deep Cleansing Oil- As much as I'd like to join the "cult following," of DHC, it just isn't going to happen. Oil cleansers are often the cause of future breakouts, and that is the antithesis of my skin care regimen.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Isn't this an old person makeup remover? I mean, you can order it from a catalog."
• "How old school is this packaging? I mean, DHC, did you give up after your first lame product design?"

Elizabeth Arden: Untold Eau de Parfum- Horrible bottle design. The last time this style of bottle was on trend, the Golden Girls were new to television. The scent is a mixture of 'old lady and intrigue' and who knew that would smell so good. Golden Girls & Bitchbox approved.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This perfume didn't come with a little spritzer and my fine motor skills are still developing."
• "I cannot stand when subs send me perfume samples, I can get those for free. Unsubscribe."

VBEAUTE: Rub Off Gentle Facial Exfoliator- Rub off exfoliators are rapidly gaining popularity in the skin care realm due to the immediate visible results. As off putting as seeing your dead skin cells clump together and roll off your face, I can't deny the overall satisfaction and results of the product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I wanted to remove the first layer of my skin, I'd get a chemical peel."
• "I don't enjoy having a glue-like substance, cling to my facial hair, making me look like I have a skin disease."

Jonathan: Finish Control High Shine Flexible Hairspray (Bonus Gift)- Amazing. I haven't been more satisfied with a hairspray than I am with this one. I think the packaging needs updated, but the product itself is great. The hold, texture and scent is light and airy. A+ 

Reasons to Bitch

• "I wanted a different 'free gift.' Ugh I have all the worst luck."
• "Aerosol destroys the ozone layer. Do you actually think that I want that on my consequence?"

Grade: B+

Ipsy: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Just in case you do get that date for the weekend, Ipsy curated a "Look of Love" themed bag. If not...well, at least you can take a new, pretty  profile picture...that  only gets 3 likes. 

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

POP Beauty Plump Pout Mini: Peony - Pop Beauty is determined to make it in the cosmetic field and as long as they never make another Pop Beauty Lip Crayon, they will. The packaging was flawless and the color is bold. Dramatic lips is my favorite cosmetic trend and oddly enough, Pop Beauty has risen to the occasion. As far as "plumping" goes..it didn't do a thing. Womp.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Heavens to murgatroyd! This lippie smells like gasoline and chemicals galore!"
• "This would be a stunning color...for my 8th grade daughter." Shaming finger.

Zoya Nail Polish: Odette- It's no secret that Ipsy loves Zoya and I'm glad that they do. Zoya Nail Polish is incredible for the sole fact that their colors look exactly the same as they do in the bottle. Odette is a classy, muted purple that complimented every possible outfit I put on. Well played, Zoya.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How many polishes can a girl own?" Be ashamed of yourself if you asked this.
• "The polish was thick and did not apply well. Wahhhhh"

City Color Be Matte Blush: Melon- How pink is too pink...'City Color Be Matte' doesn't know or care. I love this blush, but for me and my lack of any pigmentation, I will have to wait for the summer to wear this. Overall, it's a gorgeous, bright pink and it makes me look like a doll.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I already have rosy cheeks...and I don't need to wear blush."
• "Simply too many parabens in this blush for my needs...now back to my organic garden."

Tini Beauty Eyetini Cordial Cream Shadow + Base In One: Amethyst- After application of this product, I felt my eyes tear up and my lids burning. Being a team player, I decided to wait it out. A mere 10 minutes later, I colored my other lid and enjoyed that burning. After the product dried and transitioned into a workable shadow, the burning eased. The color itself is lighter when dried and easily blended. This shadow lasted all day and the color was flattering...luckily for me, it burns, too.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I can barely apply regular, matte shadow. Who even knows how to do this?"
• "Wah, I didn't receive the color that I wanted and that ruins everything."

Dr. Lin Skincare Acne Spot Corrector- Incredible. I've been a  long time fan of ProActiv+, but I think that I enjoy Dr. Lin more. The scent didn't reek of chemicals and medicine and the finish was smooth and hydrating. Dr. Lin's Acne Spot Corrector tingles upon application and you can almost feel the healing process. A+

Reasons to Bitch

• "I only use organic products on my blemishes...and that's why I still have blemishes..."
• "I broke out even worse from using this product. What now, Dr. Lin?"

February 2014 Bag Edition: Luckily this bag was pink to offset all of the possibly outraged women over the "Why wouldn't February's bag be Valentine's day themed" complaints. The classic pink color and festive cheetah-like design on the inside is great. The quality, is again, excellent and the design of the bag, perfect.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Ugh, you went with the quintessential pink-theme for Singles Awareness day." 
• "I am against all animal cruelty and even find the pink cheetah design offensive."  

Overall, this bag was stellar. Also noteworthy, Ipsy has been steadily improving their "Rewards Program" and I appreciate that. For someone who isn't very good at getting referrals- or just simply refuses to spam the Facebook page with links, I am excited about the possibility of actually receiving an award.

Grade: A+

Birchbox: February 2014

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February was all about being "Red Carpet Ready," but unfortunately my box didn't get the memo. Onto the Review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Shampoo- For such a fancy name, you'd think the packaging would match. What a horrible color scheme and overall vibe of the product. Even if I loved the product, I wouldn't buy it simply due to the poor marketing and merchandising of the brand. As far as useful information- the scent is bland and the effectiveness...ehh, my hair is clean.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Bain de Terre, you are like the ugly girl of shampoo. Get a makeover and then maybe we'll be friends."
• "I don't use anything that I cannot pronounce the name of...so sorry Bain de whaatttt?"

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Conditioner- Oh, excellent! Where would a wonky shampoo be without it's trustee sidekick conditioner...in someone else's box, that's where.
Conditioners are a godsend, so I do enjoy them. I can't really be impressed with the "Color Preserving" aspect, because my hair dye cost less than $3 and I do it myself. It would cost more to preserve my glorious locks, than it would to just re-dye them.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Conditioners weigh down my hair and I don't realize that I'm probably using too much."
• "This brand isn't a luxury, for anyone. Cancel my subscription.

Caudalie: S.O.S Moring Eye Rescue- I always have such high hopes for eye creams, but I can never tell if they work. The cream does have a cooling effect when applied under the eye and the scent is calming. As far as eye creams go, this is nice...but it's not like it completely de-puffed my eyes and made me look like a beauty queen.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't know when to put this on. After my shower, before my makeup? After drinking?"
• "Thanks for making me feel like an old person by sending me this eye cream."

OPI: Sheer Tints: I Can Teal You Like Me- I like the idea of this, but I'm not one to get crazy with my nails. I feel uncomfortable, awkward and off-balance, so the best I could do with this polish is wear it as it is.

Reasons to Bitch

• "With the sheer blue tint on my nails, it looks as if lost oxygen and I'm dying."
• "Well, if this isn't the tiniest bottle of nail polish to ever be sent out. I'm outraged."

Harney & Sons Fine Teas: Wrapped Sachets- My mom brings her very own teabag when she comes to visit me, "just in case" I'm fresh out. She clearly doesn't know that I subscribe to Birchbox.  I, however, appreciate the luxury and different flavors of tea that I have discovered over time and this tea is incredible.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have received tea in every other box and I'm going to tell all of my friends about this travesty. You just lost 3 subscribers, my friend."
• "Tea! Awesome...I can't wait until I get sick now."

Instead of "Red Carpet Ready," my box's theme was "Retirement community." Look Grandma, we brought you color preserving hair products for you sassy gray hair, eye-cream for those late night bingo games, a new fun polish for that date you mention with your neighbor, Graham and two delicious types of tea. Now don't forget who loves you."

Grade (for a 27 year old): 70.2% C-
Grade (for a 72 year old): 95% A (That blue polish was a little wild)

Pop Sugar Must Have: February 2014

If being single on Valentine's day was your only problem, then you clearly didn't receive this box. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Nourish Organic Argan Face Serum- As lackluster as this product is, I'm pleased with the timing of it. The polar vortex is destroying my skin and nothing has been able to save me from it. Used only when needed, Nourish Organic Argan oil is impressive.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have super oily skin already and then you send me facial oil? Is this a colossal joke?"
• "I don't use products like this, ever. I refuse to even try to incorporate this into my routine."

Sugarwish Candy: Cinnamon Hearts- I don't know how many cinnamon hearts are packed into this box, but I've eaten almost all of them. Out of all things candy, this one wouldn't be my all-time pick, but I can no longer deny it's cinnamon-y goodness.

 Reasons to Bitch

• "I know I was one of those crotchety women that died when receiving the 'drug store' chocolate several boxes back...and you correct the situation with an over-priced, candy-shop featuring cinnamon hearts...instead of chocolate? Really. Happy Valentine's day to NO ONE.
• "Cinnamon is much too spicy. Ow wee."

Gorjana Brooks Jewelry Roll- I like the idea of a jewelry roll and I didn't have one, but this one just doesn't fit my style. Red, sassy leather for all of my business trips and vacations that I don't actually go on. The wrap design fascinates me and I can appreciate the  jewelry roll itself, but the style is more of a "subscribe to this magazine and get a tacky red jewelry roll for freesies."

Reason to Bitch

• "Just in case my boyfriend that I DON'T have suddenly buys me jewelry...I'll have a place to keep it safe...from all of my imaginary friends, that is.
• "I like bold, statement pieces that can't even fit in this jewelry roll. Color me sad."

NCLA Nail Polish: Rodeo Drive Royalty- NCLA just isn't going to happen for me. I don't find the formula lasting, chip proof or high-end. The deep dark red is fitting for Valentine's day...assuming you even have plans.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I didn't already own this color from every other nail company, I just might be excited."
• "I don't wear polishes and can't understand why beauty subs keeps sending them to me."

Model Co. Lip Pops Duo Lip Gloss and Lip Stick: Finding a good lip stick is like finding a good bra; basically mission impossible. Overall, I was highly impressed with this lip product. Worn singularly as a gloss or a lip stick is just one of the beautiful aspects of this product.
 Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't wear lipsticks, or glosses. A double no."
• "I have no one to kiss on Valentine's day, other than my cats...and they don't require lipstick."

K. Hall Designs Candle Tin: Peony- I adore candles, but this one makes me want to dig a hole, climb into it and never come out again. The next time I travel and want to have sex to a horrible smelling candle...I'll be in luck.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have severe allergies that prevent me from enjoying simple pleasures in life like scented candles."
• "Floral scents remind me of funeral homes...and that just isn't romantic."

Dial Vitamin Boost Body Wash- The body wash that has caused extreme turmoil, frustration and embarrassing verbal attacks on other subscribers is the ultimate 'gem of the box.' While this body wash is fine, it is extremely out of place, causing the most ridiculous uproar that I have seen to date.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Even Wal-Mart refuses to carry Dial because it's so cheap."
• "I'm specifically not going to shower just to show my spite for this soap."

Long story short: Everyone fought about this soap and attacked each other, until they used it and surprisingly enjoyed it. Hence, Dials new tagline for their Vitamin Boost Body Wash:

"Even pretentious bitches like us."

Overall, this wasn't the box for me. While I seem to be enjoying the products more so than I thought, I can't help but feel a bit jaded, dishearted and...defeated.

Grade: D

Ipsy: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

January seems to be a challenge for subscription boxes and well, onto the review:

"Reasons to Bitch" is all inspired by what others are bitching about on message boards. Thanks for bitching, bitches.

Elizabeth Mott Smooth Shadow: Pearl- Shimmery shadow that easily blends is a welcomed addition to any makeup collection. The Pearl color can be used as a highlighter or for a quick-fix to wake up tired eyes.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How in the world do I sharpen this plastic pencil? This is simply beyond me."
• (A really sharp sharper, is what you need.")
• "I don't like the color I received and will never even consider experimenting with this."

Épicé Purifying Exfoliant- Facial exfoliants are never exciting to me, but seemingly Épicé has a good one. I don't think at anytime, I'll be switching up my routine,  but this will make a good scrub for the gym bag...whenever I go back to the gym. 

Reasons to Bitch

• "Épicé isn't all that well known and I already have a top-rated skin care regimen."
• "I was over zealous while scrubbing my face and now I'm in pain."

MicaBeauty Tinted Lip Balm: Natural- This is the absolute driest lip 'balm' in the world and that breaks my heart. The color is a darker nude and it doesn't really match my skin tone. Paired with a deep, smoky eye this product just may work.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This balm soaked up all the moisture that I had in my lips, leaving me all chapped...and sad."
• "Balms that do not include a brush are breeding pools for bacteria and diseases."

Proactiv+ Mark Fading Pads- Proactive+ is a well-trusted brand and one that has changed my life. I will forever use their products. Luckily, I don't have a need for the mark fading pads, but with 4 pads included in my bag, it's not like I'll even know if they work.

[Edit 2/20/2014] These mark fading pads smell like onions and alcohol, plus they burn. This is simply an awful product. Proactiv+ why? Why!

Reasons to Bitch

• "Proactiv+ is just too harsh for my little skin."
• "I can't afford the Proactiv+ system and don't realize that Wal-Mart makes almost the exact same formula as Proactiv+ itself.

Sexy Hair: Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Tri-Wheat Leave In Conditioner- Sexy Hair is a brand I believe in. Their products are always on the cutting edge of hair styling and they really do live up to their name. This product can be used for all four seasons and improve overall hair-health.

Reasons to Bitch

• "All I ever get is 'Sexy Hair' products and I'm drowning in them."
• "I enjoy my coarse pubic like hair and don't see how a leave-in conditioner will help."

Overall, this bag seemed a little misguided, but it wasn't without a valiant attempt.

January 2014 Bag Edition -I was the least excited to get this bag, because online...it just looked so damn awful, but it's absolutely my favorite bag to date. The contrasting blues, simple design and over-sized pouch is perfect.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This bag smells like a chemical explosion and I absolutely had to throw it away."
• "Considering this bag looks like it was made out of a pool lining, I'd be more comfortable receiving it in the summer months.

Grade: B- (literally an 80.25%)

Pop Sugar Must Have: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Hello Pop Sugar, thank you for being in my life. After last January's debacle, I had zero faith in this box. Onto the review:  

"Reasons to Bitch" is all inspired by what others are bitching about on message boards. Thanks for bitching, bitches.

Rifle Paper Co. 2014 Flip Around the World Desk Calendar- As cute as this calendar is, it's not very practical. The days of the week are not listed and there isn't enough room to write in appointments. 

"Do you want to meet next Thursday?"
"Let me look at my calendar."
"...I have no idea."

Reasons to Bitch

• "Why would we receive a calendar halfway through January? Bad planning, PopShug."
• "I already have my daily bible verse calendar, so this is going in the trash."

Jack and Lucy Knit Tech Gloves- These are simply not awesome. The stitching, 'tech-tips,' and overall fit of the gloves is a let down. These gloves do work for the iPhone, but you have to adjust the way you type and that's a slight hassle. Ultimately, it's like Jack and Lucy, didn't really care about their product and well, it shows.

Reasons to Bitch

• "When I thought of tech gloves, I didn't imagine knit gloves poorly made by my nana."
• "I live in a sunny paradise and I know not one person that could ever use a pair of gloves, especially these gloves."

The Juice Generation Book- Assuming that I can find half of these products, without going to the Farmer's Market, I think this is a great idea. The practicality of this book and me actually taking the time to make these spinach infused peach drinks, well that's a whole other adventure.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't have a juicer OR a blender...and you expect me to buy that?"
• "I am anti-veggies and fruits. I can't even consider this lifestyle."

Malin+Goetz Detox Face Mask- This is the star of the box, and star of the month. A detox face  mask that doesn't destroy your face and peel off that precious layer of skin, is unheard of...until now. This mask bubbles upon application, detoxes ones pores and leaves your skin feeling hydrated.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I'm incredibly allergic to the soy in this product. I'll die another day, thank you."
• "This face mask makes me feel like their are 100 little ants crawling all over my face."

Pipsnacks White Truffle Popcorn- Incredible, mini, truffle-oil infused popcorn. This is about as luxurious and pretentious as popcorn can get. I hope this company makes it to the stores, because it is amazing.

Reasons to Bitch

• "We were sent popcorn last month and now...we get it again. I get angry about things like this."
• "I thought this was a white-chocolate kind of truffle, but to my horror, it was mushroom truffle."

Revlon by marchesa box O’ Files- Nail files has never been my thing, but these are wonderful. I think they are small enough to quickly shape the nail and not take off too much. They fit in even the tiniest of all clutches. Great find.

Reasons to Bitch  

• "This is not a lux item and I'm heavily insulted that it was included in my box."
• "Drug store item alert! Let the freak-outs commence!"  

Overall, January was a great month, but don't let my positive outlook deter you from bitching.

Grade: A-

Birchbox: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Birchy-box, welcome home! Did your New Year's Resolution consist of sending out quality boxes? Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Fekkai: Brilliant Glossing Crème- Never have I ever used a better crème than Fekkai. The scent, texture and finish is better than that of any salon I have ever gone to. Fekkai is phenomenal.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This product has been on the market for several years now? Why are you just now discovering it?"
• "Um, yes. Target sells this and you expect me to believe that it's high-end?"

Inika: Mineral Eye Shadow in Eternal Marine- Mineral shadows take a bit of skill to master and usually has a lot of fallout. This product last for hours and stays in place far better than my experience with other mineral products. With the dazzling color and sheen, Inika in Eternal Marine will take the perfect nighttime look to the celebrity level.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Mineral shadows are too messy for me and I'm not very skilled in makeup application."
• "I don't love the color I received and I'll never venture away from my outdated look to wear this."

Juicy Couture: Couture La La- This scent smells very similar to something that I wore when I was younger and it doesn't really work with me now. The scent is light, sweet and...innocent? Overall, it's nice, but I feel like it was meant for a younger crowd.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I hate receiving perfume samples and all you ever send me is Juicy."
• "Just because it's over-priced, doesn't make it Couture."

Nail Rock: Velvet- This is by far the coolest product that I have received from Birchbox. Dark velvety nails is such a sexy idea. I wasn't impressed with staying power, but that's not really the selling point of this product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I stupidly put a top coat over the velvet and now...it's just not fuzzy anymore."
• "Messy, messy, messy! I simple can't handle the mess!"

Burt's Bees: Intense Hydration Day Lotion- I am in love, in love with a lotion. The scent smells like summer and that's incredible. The texture, consistency and overall feel of the product was impressive. My hands actually felt hydrated after using the lotion. Well played, Burt.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How dare you include this 'mass market product' in my box?"
• "Burt's Bees? Are you serious? Only 'People of Wal-Mart' use Burt's Bees."

Overall, Birchbox killed any and all competitor this month and I hope that's just the beginning.

Grade: A+