How did you get to be so fabulous?
With Love,
The World.
1. Learn to walk in high-heels. It's painful, annoying and completely unnecessary, but there is no greater feeling than a drunk-girl screaming, "I love your shoes," while running in her flip-flops down the street.
2. Don't act so desperate. If you're single and not really sure why...this is it.
3. Don't match your make-up to your outfits. If you think you're owning that pink leopard jumpsuit, the least you can do us is not wear pink eye-shadow and gold eye-liner to match.
4. If you're new to the fun, fabulous world of make-up, stick to the basics until you learn. Ask for help...you can't learn to run, until you learn how to crawl.
5. Fake nails are gross, unless they are short and well taken care of. Have you looked under your nails lately? And never just have 1 or 2 long nails. What is that? Unless you're trying for something in the Guinness World Book of records, trim them.
6. Chipped nail-polish is for hookers. Clean your act up, unless you are in fact a hooker.
7. Your manicure should match your pedicure. 12 and under...have at it. You're little, beautiful and fun. Older gals...if you want Orange toenails, wear a clear gloss on your nails, if you're not willing to have an orange manicure.
8. Mascara is a beautiful thing...but your eyelashes shouldn't look like crunchy spider legs. Unless you're going out at night or have some photo-shoot coming up, don't apply mascara to the top and bottom lashes. You don't need to look like a bar-fly at 11 am.
9. "I never wear make-up...I don't need it." News Flash! YES, YOU DO. A quick swipe of the concealer stick, dot of lip gloss and stroke of mascara will have you looking worlds better in seconds. Plain Jane's- this one is for you.
10. Apply accordingly. If you're at work or going to a child's birthday party, you shouldn't apply your make-up like you're about to star in a porn-scene. Keep it appropriate. That can of hairspray should stay at home...
11. WASH YOUR HAIR. I shouldn't have to even state this, but I can't tell you how many people haven't heard of shampoo and conditioner. It's wild. I don't even understand how people get around this. If you don't wash your hair (assuming you don't have dreads) then we need to have a serious chat.
12. Over accessorizing. Many girls fall victim to this horrible fashion crime. You do not need to wear earrings, bracelets, headbands, beaded shirts, rings and scarfs at the same time. If you plan on living for more than one day...space these accessories out. Unless you're trying to distract people from looking at your face, lighten up on the jewels, doll.
13.Don't be afraid of bold lips. If you think that people aren't going to like you for wearing bright lips, you're wrong. I assure you that you have MANY flaws, but bright lips isn't one of them.
14. Pluck your eyebrows. You shouldn't look like a caveman. If you don't know how to pluck your eyebrows, pay someone. It's really not that hard to figure out. Plucking/Waxing/Stringing your eyebrows can dramatically change your look.
15. Dress your age. It's not cool to see a 13 year old, dress like they're 30...so why would it be okay to see a 30 year old dress like a 13 year old. Exactly, I know. It's like you're mom being on Facebook and you're dad using twitter. Uncool.
16. Follow trends that compliment you...Just because you saw it in a magazine or on the "cool girl," doesn't mean it's for you. When I was in High School, a current trend was the "Trucker Hat." Try as I might, I could not do it. It was actually in my favor that I "couldn't" pull of this look, because I would hate myself for it, years later.
17.Thongs are a girls best friend. We should not see "Panty Lines," through your tight khaki pants. Seeing panty lines is like an invite for everyone to stare at your misshapen ass. On the flipside, no one should know that you are rocking a thong. It's gross. Have some class, cover your ass.
18. Get a bra-fitting. I used to work at Victoria's Secret and I have met my share fair of idiots. Your size WILL change with age, style and all that cake you've been eating.
19. Pajamas in public. Why, why and why? Oh, I get it...You are waiting for someone to snap your picture and make you "People of Walmart" famous. Pajama pants aren't meant to flatter you...I mean, can't you tell? Everyone else can.
20. Never ever, ever, ever shave your eyebrows, upper lip or chin. If you have already done so...STOP. Get a product to soften up the hairs that you should have never shaved in the first place and go back to plucking or waxing. The razor is the "quick-fix," and may seem like a great idea...but remember, you're not a dude and a chick with a beard belongs in a circus.
21. Over-tanning is not sexy. Personal preference aside...your health. Skin Cancer is no joke. I once had the displeasure to know this one chick who always went tanning. One day, I over-heard her twat-face saying that she was going to die of "Lung Cancer, Boob Cancer or Skin Cancer..." This has always stuck in my mind. In addition, tanning makes your look old as balls...tan balls, but still.
22. Eyeliner. I adore eyeliner, but I don't ring it around my eyes like a raccoon digging for garbage. Lining your eyes is appropriate SOMETIMES, but what most girls never consider is their face shape. If you have a square shaped head and you ring your circled little eyes in the blackest black that you can find, you're going to look like a fool. Geometrically speaking, it doesn't work.
23. Don’t be Afraid of Change. If you still have the same hair
cut, color and style as you did in 7th grade, then I need you to go
out and…get a life. You clearly can’t be succeeding much in life if you have
not gotten around to updating your look. Make an appointment and shake it up a
little bit. Nobody thinks you look good now, and obviously you don’t
either.
24. Colored Pants. Bolds, Brights, Patterns and Bedazzled, try
them all. Colored pants will take your closet from drab to fab in seconds. This
is a trend that everybody can get behind; I mean they are pants, with color.
Even the stylistically-challenged can work with this. 25. Glitter Tattoos. It’s a guilty pleasure that everyone should enjoy once in a while. They are absolutely gorgeous and fun. You can find glitter-tattoo kits anywhere, assuming that you don’t already own one.
26. Eye shadow Applicators are horrible little nasties. Never use the ones that come with your eye shadow. You’re going to spend 25.00 on a fabulous new color and then apply it with that thing? If you’re lucky enough for the sponge to not fall off while applying color, you’re already doing better than most of us. Buy an eye shadow brush and avoid the pain of the plastic applicator gouging out your eyeballs.
27. Make-up Sponges- I have never really understood the beauty of applying makeup with a make-up sponge, until Pop sugar Must Have sent me the Beauty Blender. My life has been forever changed. “It’s just a sponge,” says the girl with a poorly-concealed face.
28. Buy Sexy Lingerie. I don’t care if you hate your body, think your boobies are too small or you don’t like your ass. Somebody out there does and you need to show it off. Even if you aren’t willing to bust out in a laced-up sexy, having it, trying it and viewing yourself in a scandalous way can really motivate your confidence. I’ll post pictures later. Psych.
29. Shave/Wax and maintain your lady parts...Yeah, I'm referring to your vagina. You’ll feel like a new women, hell, you’ll look like a new woman. I mean, who doesn’t do this already. You? Is it you? Well, look it here chick…you’re the only one left in the world. Au Natural…isn’t sexy.
30. If you have great skin, do not use a thick foundation. It will look like you're playing in mommy's makeup. Instead, use a tinted primer like Pixie's Tinted Primer in place of a foundation. It's a 2 in 1 win for you. You have the primer- which, yes you need and then a sheer tinted "foundation," to smooth your look. You're welcome.
31. Makeup Lines is the number one "don't" in makeup application. This general mishap is usually seen in middle school girls or ladies that go for the "Malibu Barbie" look. You're not Barbie, so that's where the heavily caked on makeup comes into play. This is an easy fix. 1. Use the correct foundation color 2. Use a makeup sponge and blend slightly down your neck. Done.
32. Set your foundation with a translucent power to avoid looking sticky and oily. You may not need all of those blotter sheets...
33. NEVER, EVER buy makeup at a yard sale or resale shop. I see this all of the time and it's gross. It's like buying a used toothbrush at a thrift shop.
34. Understand the science behind your makeup. If you are wondering why a shadow isn't as pigmented on your lids or the fact that your mascara flakes off within hours, you have failed to realize that makeup needs to work as a team. You're building your look on-top of chemical's (usually). Switch it up before you conclude that a product isn't for you.
35. If you are wearing a top that has a sheer or lacy backing, wear the right type of bra. They make ALL kinds of products to make you look cute in that top. But, ohhh no....trashy-slut bag is what you go for. Fix it up or wear something different.
More to come.
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