Friday, December 13, 2013

Birchbox: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
Hello! Birch-y-Box-y. It's that time of year again, where unrealistically high hopes come crashing down around us; commonly known as gift-giving season! Did you get what you wanted? Probably not. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Dr. Lipp: Original Nipple Balm for Lips- I have waited foreverrr for this product (I really have) and after a quick 12 months, I finally got it. Now, the name is a little off-putting, but it's no secret, this product really works.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "OMG, a beauty sub sending out nipple balms! I didn't sign up for a sex box!"
  • "I didn't know this was for my lips...and now I don't have any left to try it out..."

FushionBeauty LashFushion XL: Black Mascara- Another Mascara and a sad one at that. The brush is oversized and the product is too thick to coat the lashes properly. Lame.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Enough with the black mascaras! At this point, I'll take any other color, but black."
  • "I'm not sure if the mascara was dried out or just poorly made. Either way, lameeee."

Grand Central Beauty: S.M.A.R.T Skin Perfecting Polisher- Made with natural botanicals and formulated for sensitive skin...that's perfect! The gross factor is still high, because it attaches to dead skins cells and beads up onto your face. But whatever. Anything to stay ahead of the game.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "This doesn't sound like it's for sensitive skin. I'm canceling. Effective immediately."
  • "I don't like facial peels! Why can't you cater to my personal needs better?"

Toni & Guy: Casual Sea Salt Texturising Spray- Beach hair! I never have it, because the sun scares me, but now I can join the cool crowd. The scent is wonderful and the effect is lasting. An overall impressive product.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Errr, I live by the beach...did you not read that in my profile?!"
  • "I already have wavy-soccer-mom-hair, so what's the point of this?"

Twistband: Hair Tie- I cannot get enough of the Twistband. The Twistband is completely revolutionary for hairstyling. It doesn't pull, stretch or snap. Finally, hair ties have been perfected.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I didn't like the original Twistband Headband...and then you send me this."
  • "I could make this! I mean, I won't...but I want to belligerently put that out there that I could."
Overall, I was pleased. None of my products were missing and that alone, is huge. Birchbox continues to be a fun surprise and the customer service is always top-notch. Birchbox, I'll be seeing you in 2014.

Grade: B

Ipsy: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
With Christmas parties on the horizon, this month was all about celebrating and looking good while downing the eggnog. With such excitement on the way, what could go wrong...? Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

POP Beauty Bright Up Your Life Eye Shadow Trio- Naturally Bare: I was pleasantly surprised with this shadow, considering how the Pop Beauty crayon was an ultra bust. The colors are full of shimmer and they easily layer upon each other. You can create a natural eye or sultry dimensions...depending on your skill, of course. Well done POP Beauty.

Reason to Bitch
  • "This was made in China and I simply refuse to use it."
  • "Woah...there is just way too much glitter in these shadows for my style. No thanks."

Be a Bombshell The One Stick: Sunset- Be a Bombshell is an excellent brand that continues to impress. Multi-tasking beauty products are becoming increasingly popular and "The One Stick" doesn't disappoint. The color, texture and overall feel of the product is fantastic. This product has officially been added to my work bag. A+

Reasons to Bitch
  • "The color is so horrendous on me that I am telling all of my friends to cancel."
  • "Enough with the 'Be a Bombshell' cosmetics. They are just too awesome and I want to ruin everyone else's fun.

Ardell Natural Lash: I want to love lashes, I really do...but I feel like a drag queen in them. Not to be confused with the gorgeous RuPaul. I like the natural look of these and how the glue was included.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "One of the fake lashes got underneath my contact and now I'm blind."
  • "I accidently glued my eyes shut while trying to apply these. Shame."

J.Cat Beauty Big Lip Pencil: Caramel Mocha- Creamy, pigmented and overall impressive lip product. This pencil is travel-worthy and great for any last minute parties.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "How many times do I have to tell you that I HATE red lipsticks!"
  • "J.Cat isn't very well know and therefore, not for me."

Starrily Nail Polish: Bzz Bzz- Nothing screams Christmas like a black and yellow sparkle polish. No? I'm wrong? I put this on my nails and attempted to like it, but it's just not my style. Wah.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "U.G.L.Y you don't got no alibi, you're ugly. Yeah, yeah, you're ugly."
  • "Sparkly polish doesn't apply very well for me!"

Overall, this month didn't astound me, but I am still very happy. Honorable mention to this months bag, itself; as it was phenomenal. Happy holidays an keep on bitching.

Grade: B

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Pop Sugar Must Have: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 
It's Christmas time and people are full of love, cheer and the holiday spirit...Oh wait...wrong blog. People are full of hate, stupidity and greed...People are on a rampage this month, attacking Pop Sugar for this box. Why? Well, why not? Onto the review:

[Edit 12/13/13]: The above statement of "People are full of hate, stupidity and greed" doesn't solely apply to you, the reader. It is a joke, perhaps not that funny to some, but a joke nonetheless. I assure you that you are smart, lovely and everything else under the rainbow. Love, Jamie.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Lulu Frost for Pop Sugar Bracelet: This is such a gorgeous, vintage, modern bracelet. The colors are so complimentary to each other and it's exceptionally versatile. I can't imagine an outfit that this wouldn't go great with. The only downside is that it says "Lulufrost for Pop Sugar" on the opposite side of the bauble. Womp. Overall, adorable bracelet.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Er, $110 for this bracelet...I would never pay that."
  • "It doesn't fit me and I could and would neverrrr buy a bracelet extender."

Modelco Fibre Lashxtend Black Mascara: Another black mascara...innovative? Exciting? No, but a must-have...yes. Perhaps not at this moment, but I wouldn't be who I am without mascara. I don't even look the same without mascara. I think the mirror on the tube is fun, but I'm not blown away.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I am drowning in mascara, and I don't realize that I should actually replace my mascara every 6 months to avoid eye infections"
  • "I got this from another sub already and I HATED it."

MIXT Studio Holiday Gifting Set: Love this. This is great; especially if you plan on giving someone a half-assed, not so awesome gift. Presentation is half the battle. It's like you're giving someone hope...'Maybe this year she got me something great!' No...no, I did not. I very much enjoy the stylish, hipster feel of this paper. Well played, MIXT.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I gifted a box with wrapping paper in it?" Omg, I'm so embarrassed."
  • "Who considers wrapping paper a must-have? Plus, I don't celebrate Christmas."

Govino Go Anywhere Flutes: How many times have I gone to a picnic and thought, "Yeah, I'd like some wine with this deli hoagie...but I can't drink it out of the bottle, anymore. Never. Govino's marketing strategy of "go anywhere and drink" doesn't really need any help...especially with plastic champagne flutes. This will make the perfect gift...and I already know how I'm wrapping it.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "These 'glasses' aren't big enough for the amount of wine I drink."
  • "Govino states that these look like crystal, but umm...have they ever seen crystal?  

CC Made Caramel Corn: Incredible. Every year I have to buy one of those embarrassingly large popcorn tins, so this was perfect, albeit a little small. This caramel corn, surely didn't disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I wear adult braces and my orthodontist is going to be M.A.D.
  • "It's party season and I'm already going to be indulging in enough sweets.

NCLA Peppermint Lane Nail Wraps: How fun! I mean, these won't match anything, unless you're wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, but I do like these. Nail wraps are a genius idea and they last forever. I'll probably wear these in the spring time...because that is just how I roll.

[Edit: 12/30/13] Oh no, no, no...these are an awful, horrible, pathetic attempt at a nail wrap. The 'wrap' is too thick and if you have short nails, it's a fail. You simply cannot fold it over and file the wrap to size. Considering my NYE party tomorrow...these wraps are a bust.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "These are for a pre-teen and I would never even considering putting these on my toes."
  • "Who does their own nails? That's barbaric...I go to the salon."

Ghirardelli Squares Chocolate: I have an unhealthy love with all things candy. The peppermint bark is my all-time favorite and I couldn't be happier with this product. It may not be "high-end" chocolate, like many snactches on message boards are whining about...but I bet you already finished the bag...both bags.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Ghirardelli is poor people chocolate and I'd never let this melt in my mouth."
  • "Two bags of delicious candy? Who could ever eat that much?" Ever? Really? How so?"


Overall, I was in love with this box. It had my name written all over it. But, according to the message boards...I must like cheap trash, that I can get at CVS. Lastly, whoever said "Girls love chocolate"...never met these girls.

Rating: A-

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
 
After last's months box of "things to not-be-thankful-for ," anything was welcomed for the month of December. Everyone has unrealistically high hopes for every month, but December is usually the "make it or break it month" for subs. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

NYX Love In Paris Palette: I have never been impressed with any other NYX product, except for their eye shadow. The formula is exquisite and the colors are highly pigmented. I use these shadows mostly for work, because they last all day and the colors are professional. I am very pleased with this versatile and sexy palette.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "FML, another NYX product. I'm too pretentious to realize exactly how great this shadow is."
  • "Shadow doesn't last all day on my eyes; because I've never heard of shadow primer and then blame the makeup companies for not delivering."

Nailtiques Avocado Foot Cream: Another foot cream, because I ran out of the last two large tubes of cream that I was sent. Psych, I still have plenty. Even though I wasn't in need, I'm very happy with the effectiveness of the product. The scent is lackluster, but the cream is ultra-hydrating. A total win.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "This is the third foot cream in four months...and that's just not enough for me."
  • "Most nail spas have mint-infused foot cream and apparently Nailtiques didn't know of this."

Sultra Clip in Hair Color- Ultra Pink: The total star of the box for me was this strikingly-colored, human-hair extension. I wish I had this in every color, as this product was made for me. I enjoy how easy it is to clip-in, style and reuse. A+

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Made out of real human-hair? Color me offended."
  • "I live a boring, sad life. I will never have any functions that require a wild streak from me."

NEOVA Make Up Remover Face and Eyes: Scentless, non-greasy makeup remover that doesn't burn your eyes, how amazing? Make Up Remover is a staple for any beauty guru, especially if you can't nail that smolder-y cat-eye that everyone else seemingly can do.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "This isn't make-up and I'm one of those people that complain about this...every month."
  • "I still haven't even finished my first bottle, so why do I need this?"

Murad Active Radiance Serum: Murad is such a great skin-care line. I have yet to be disappointed with them. I mean, Murad keeps me beautiful. That should be their tagline, but they forgot to consult with me when launching their company.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I only use Pro-active...so suck on that Murad."
  •  "This did not make me look "radiant" as suggested. Nasty letters to follow."

REN Hydra-Calm Global Protection Day Cream: I don't love moisturizers, but this winter is destroying my skin. I was happy to receive this and found it to be hydrating, calming and effective.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I wanted to use this as a night cream, but I'm rule follower."
  • "I have offensively oily skin, so thanks for nothing Blush Box."

Eminence Stone Crop Body Lotion: Such a small sample jar makes me a sad panda. This lotion smells and feels incredible, so yes...the tiniest of all jars will do just fine. Wah.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I'm a little bit bigger than a toddler and there isn't even enough lotion for one whole body application."
  • "This lotion has a greenish tint to it and that makes me think that it's old or possible molded."
NEOSTRATA Skin Active Exfoliating Wash: This wash is neither good nor bad. It's fine, but with all of the well known exfoliating washes already, switching up is not going to happen anytime soon.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I'm a plain-Jane kind of gal and these fancy washes can take a hike."
  • "Exfoliating washes burn my skin and I'm pretty sure that's not what it's supposed to do."

Lisa Hoffman Beauty Japanese Madagascar Orchid Moisturizing Body Cleanse: The product of the box scores a mere 4 out of 10. The scent is outstanding...for an old lady. The consistency is perfect...for a soup. The cleansing effect isn't much better than a scummer bath, anddddd the packaging was gorgeous, said the blind person. Too much?

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I'm allergic to perfumed bath products, so this was a waste."
  • "I wanted the alternative scent, but now I smell like an old gal."
Overall, this box was so much better than November's epic fail. I'm a bit miffed that their wasn't even a hint of a holiday theme, but I digress.

Rating: B+

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Reasons to Bitch: Mother-style.

My sharp-tongue and wit, although refined, all started with watching my mom cunningly interact with the other fools that she reluctantly came into contact with. It is with many years, and a careful ear that I have been able to brush up on and eventually exceed my mother's sarcastic charm. Perhaps, it's her age, or my own interaction's with leech-sucking cum-bags, that create such a brilliant writing technique.

Being such a wonderful and loving daughter, I gave my mom some of the well-received, yet numerous creams that I did not want. I was desperately hoping to bring her into the world which I so very much love. Several days later, I received an email and with that; I bring you her "Reasons to Bitch."

"If I were you blogging, but at my age instead, here is what I would have to say." -Mom.

[Supergoop! Advanced Anti-Aging Eye Cream: Soft old lady scent de jure. Supergoop Eye Cream, goes on greasy...and stays greasy.
 
  • Bitch points: I received a pimple on my eyebrow bigger than my eyeball! I still have some of it left and I don't really want to go back to puberty. Perhaps, I'll just keep the wrinkles.
 
Juice Beauty: Stem Cellular Repair Moisturizer- Nice big jar, smells of fresh citrus, should be wonderful! I was excited to try this one! Smooth and creamy, nice off-white color and looks of luxury. 
 
  • Bitch points: Cry, cry, cry.....HIVES! Just around my eyes and of course my neck....Luckily, it only lasted until noon the next day...Yay.
 
Elta MD Skin Care: PM THERAPY, nighttime facial moisturizer- It's such a tiny packet, what else could it do other than what is states. That night I ripped open the tiny packet and took notice of the scent. "Does this smell like fresh picked mushrooms? "Why yes, yes it does." I thought this should truly be something wonderfully, organic and earthly good for my tired old skin. For such a small packet, I used the entire thing on my face...
 
  • Bitch points:  At first it sort of burnt...yet I know my regular lower class, less-expensive facial cream starts out like this, too. I must wait it out. I go watch the television and it's still burning ...and the scent of mushrooms still haunts me. Oh no, my right eye is starting to tear. Why? Perhaps because I am laying down. I should sit up...then my left eyes starts to leak. OH NO, my right eye is SWELLING UP. Then it erupted all at once. My entire right eye swelled shut and I went to the bathroom to scrub my face. Good news: only my right eye swelled shut for about 2 hours and my left eye only half-way swelled up.  I'm okay. I'm okay.]
 
Overall, I thought I was introducing my mom into the wonderful world of luxury skin care and beauty. I, inadvertently tried to kill her, instead.
 
This has been your bonus issue of: "How to kill your mother."
 

 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Birchbox: Novemer 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim
The good, the bad, the Birchbox: This month was all over the place for me; having received 2 incomplete boxes to make up 1 full-box of samples was kind of an experience. The picture above is that of my 2 boxes combined to fix the initial error of sending me my original box with only 2 samples. Through this bizarre month, I have been able to capture Birchbox's customer service in full.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: More Good (The theme never correlates to the products received and it's more like 'what we should be focusing on for the month', itself. People like to cause a fuss about this...but uh, they need something to bitch about when waiting for their clothes to dry at the laundry mat. Zzing.

Aloxxi: Weightless Styling Gelee- High-priced hair products aren't always worth the cost, and this is one of them. This gelee has an incredible unisex scent, but it's pretty lackluster in every other area. The consistency is thin and stringy and the benefits aren't really impressive.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I don't use fancy hair products and refuse to ever even try."
  • "This costs too much for my penny-pinching ways."

Color Club: On the Rocks- This polish is the perfect holiday color for all of the upcoming parties. Color Club does a remarkable job with their formula and applicator brush. Having several Color Club polishes already, I am once again, impressed.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "We get sent Color Club polish in every other box and I'm over that."
  • "Once again, I got a sassy, fun color and I simply won't wear that to the office."

Laura Mercier: Lip Glace in Quartz- This gloss is so incredible, that I just might just need to re-evaluate everything I know about lip products. Laura Mercier Lip Glace is very similar to Bare Escentuals Marvelous Moxie gloss, minus the tingling sensation. The color, intensity, scent, texture, finish and design is amazing. Santa, be warned....I expect this in my stocking.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Quartz, who wears a brown lip gloss?"
  • "24 dollars for a lip product? What is the made out of, gold?"

Eyeko: Black Magic Mascara- Simple curved, classic black mascara. I don't think this will replace any of my lash favorites, but I'm happy to stick the adorable tube in my purse for those quick "I always look this good," moments.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Another black mascara...need I say more?"
  • "I have such sensitive little eyes and I can't use this!"

Fatty Sundays: Chocolate Covered Pretzel- I received the chocolate mint and nut pretzel and although I enjoy all of those flavors, combining them together doesn't exactly cause a party in my mouth. Once you accept the fact that you're eating something with the word "Fatty" in it, you are then saddened by the weird combination flavor.

Reasons to Bitch
  • 'Fatty Sunday' has unfortunately ruined my love with all things chocolate and pretzel.
  • "This wasn't a beauty sample and I'm one of those classless scum-bags that blast mean things to the company about a small pretzel sample."

Overall, with all the mishaps I endured this month, I'm still pleased. Birchbox has the most incredible customer service and I don't know who "Sara" is, but she is phenomenal. Mistakes happen (quite frequently with Birchbox) but they will overcome that and with the customer service they have intact, I'm inclined to work with them.

Grade: E for effort

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Glossybox: November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim
Glossybox is like the "sleeper" out of all of the beauty subscriptions. There isn't really ever any buzz about it and the product spoilers never really jazz anyone. It isn't until you actually open the box and try the products, that you realize that you have dramatically upgraded your makeup collection.
 
Theme: Holiday Romance (I don't have a clue how they came up with this theme. Nothing correlates and there is no red lip, glitter, shimmer or shine, included in the box. A better theme would have been "Refined Classic, but they didn't ask me."
 
For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.
 
Emite Makeup: Micronized Eye Shadow in Dams- The queen of all black shadows has officially been discovered. I am so impressed with the texture, color and blending quality of this product. Most black shadows are overbearing and not very user-friendly. This shadow is buildable and leaves a flawless finish. A+
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "I am way too pale to use the timeless black shadow and I'm scared of even trying it."
  • "Halloween is over...so black shadow, neat not apply."
Masty: Color Protection Color Protecting Leave-in Oil Treatment- $25 for 2oz is a bit pricey for hair oil. I'm currently obsessed with another oil, so I'm not overly excited to try this. The scent was nothing spectacular. Hair oils should be included in everyone's routine, so overall, this will be useful.
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "Er, doesn't hair oil do the same thing as conditioner?" (Be ashamed if you thought this.)
  • "Who adds oil to their hair? I don't see the point."
Nicka K: New York Professional Eyeshadow Brush- This brush is made with 'pony hair,' and that creeps me out. As far as brushes go, this is average. There is no overwhelming technology that astounds me or improves my look. It's what it is...a brush...made with horse hair. No winners here.
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "I never use shadow and can't possibly find another use for this brush."
  • "I don't use any animal related product, and this includes pony hair."
The Aloe Source: Jojoba Radiance Cleansing Polish- Neat. Another facial cleanser. The scent is plain and the cleansing effect is average. There is nothing exciting about this. Even the packaging is boring.
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "I only use that scary high-powered skin product that increases suicide ideation."
  • "I'm a bar soap and wash cloth kind of gal. I don't need all them fancy products."
Vincent Longo: Duo Eye Pencil- Incredible, multi-look pencil in 'complimentary shades.' This pencil is perfect for creating a multitude of stunning looks. I am absolutely pleased with this product and hope to see more of Mr. V. Longo in the upcoming months.
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "I got the super cool and trendy green combo pencil and I just want to bitch about that."
  • "I don't use a double-headed anything, and that includes eyeliner."
Overall, this box was a stalemate. I'm certainly not disappointed, but I'm not in-love either. The theme makes no sense and any kind of 'Holiday Romance,' that comes my way over the next month better not include any pony-hair. That my friend, is a deal-breaker.

Grade: B, thanks to the shadows and liner, mind you.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Ipsy: November 2013

Sweet Photo skills of Jzim

If I were publicly posting "things I'm thankful for" on social media for this month, I would be thankful for Ipsy. This month was by far the absolute greatest; but yes it's still your $10 and you can bitch if you want to. I'm aware. We're all aware. Onto the review:

 For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Em Michelle Phan: Pillow Plush Cushiony Lip Balm: Berries- Amazing. Achieving the perfect "wine-stained" lip without looking like a lame attempt at the gothic lifestyle is not an easy task. Michelle Phan finally put out the perfect balm in the greatest of all colors.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I didn't get the color I wanted! WAH!"
  • "I don't like how I have to get my whittle finger all messy to apply this."
Be a Bombshell: Lip Crayon: Hot Damn- Who doesn't love a bright red lipstick? I'll tell you who: Twats. Twats don't love bright red lipsticks, but whores do. I can't get enough of this. I kind of wish I still was into the party scene because this Lip Crayon is killer.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "RED! I'm not a harlot! Why do you keep sending me this timeless, classic color?"
  • "I don't wear lipstick and I'm too greedy to give this or trade it away."
Nailtini: Straight Up Color Nail Laquer: Champagne- Ipsy loves Nailtini. We get it every other month. Luckily, this month we were sent a classy, low-key color. The consistency and overall application is pretty high. I might just look forward to our next Nailtini in 'January.'

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I have yet to learn my fine motor skills and apply polish like a toddler."
  • "I don't classify polish as 'makeup' and I except more for my $10."
TRESemme TRES Two Extra Hold Hairspray- I changed up my profile specifically to get the hairspray. If this were the 80s, I'd have the huge can in my fanny-pack. Although this isn't a lux product, it's still a great spray and an affordable one at that.  

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Oh Em Gee. I got this and I'm an irate 'Ipster.' I'll just spam the Ipsy FB page to let the community know of my distaste...repeatedly."
  • "I would never use a drug store hair product, because I'm a snooty cow-bag."
Pixie Beauty: Bronzer: Subtly Suntouched- Pixie is a top-runner in my cosmetic line of favorites. Unfortunately, this bronzer is only on the average side. It's fair, but the pigmentation is only so-so.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Why were we sent a bronzer in November? My small brain doesn't comprehend-o."
  • "I already have a 'healthy glow' of radiation from the tanning salon. No thank you, Pixie."
Starlooks Gem Eye Pencil: Topaz- Metallic eye-liners need to make a serious comeback, because this color is insane. I love it, but it's not a "quick trip to Wal-Mart color." As far as pigmentation and application, this pencil doesn't disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch
  • I'm a sassy, outspoken curmudgeon and will neverrrrr wear this color to the office."
  • "I only use mechanical liners and cannot be bothered with the 2-second sharpening process."
Overall, Ipsy killed it. However, they kind of set themselves up for December, because everyone has unrealistically high expectations. This now will become the "month to beat," and I'll be impressed if they can.

Grade: A+

Friday, November 15, 2013

Pop Sugar Must Have: November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim


Pop Sugar certainly gave a lot to be thankful for, with this months box. With mostly high-marks from the critical cynics, Pop Sugar saved themselves a headache, after recently increasing their prices. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Michael Stars Wrap- This wrap alone makes the whole box worth it. I'm not a typical scarf kind of gal, but I can't wait to wear this as much and as often as I can. The pattern is so gorgeous and it is super soft. Long story short: I look phenomenal in this. Win. Win & win.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I'm stylistically-challenged and I don't know how to wear scarves."
  • "I don't like the pattern and now want to write Pop Sugar mean letters expressing this."

Illume Candle: Naughty- "Spicy wooded scent" makes up this naughty candle that lasts a grand total of 35 hours. I am in love with this candle and couldn't be happier with the masculine scent.  

Reasons to Bitch
  • "Candles emit such harmful toxins and smog into the environment and I'm one of those really weird people that complain about things like this."
  • "I have such a sensitive little nose and this makes me all stuffy and sad."

Lands' End Single Canvas Wine Tote- I strictly like to drink out of a paper bag, but I wouldn't mind the upgrade. I'm just joking...I still like the paper bag. This tote is so well made and can be embroidered. Perhaps you know somebody that strangely loves monograms...and drinking.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I have no idea how to or what to use this for."
  • "I'm a former alcoholic. Thanks for the reminder, Pop Sugar."

Maison De Monaco: Strawberry & Blackcurrant Cream Preserves- I have never in my life put anything better than this in my mouth. There has been some steep competition, but Masison De Monaco prevails. The scent, flavor and consistency all work in an incredibly delicious way. Yum.  

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I strictly buy preserve-free jellies and this is useless to me."
  • "This is made with alcohol and that completely compromises my morale's."

The Soap & Paper Factory: Roland Pine Shea Butter Soap- Scented bar soap is more of a novelty than anything, simply because you can't really use it anywhere other than your hands. I, however, enjoy the pine scent so perhaps I'll stop resenting hand-washing...for at least a little while.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I washed my lady parts with this soap and now I need to make a trip to my gyno."
  • "I still can't forgive the 'Paper Factory' for sending out those hideous paper coasters, (which I use each and every day since receiving them.)"

Absolute! Nail Polish Remover Pads: Peach- The good: These are the tiniest, cutest and perfectly purse-sized nail polish pads. The bad: They smell like peach-booze. They are horribly oily and they only clean about 2 nails per pad. I appreciate the concept, but there is a reason that they retail for $2 per pack. 
 
Reasons to Bitch
  • "They removed all of my polish, and then stained my fingers."
  • "The oil from the pads stained my clothes AND broke my heart."  

Canvaspop Gift Card: $30- With the exclusion of having to pay for shipping & handling, this gift card is pretty fantastic. Once I find a canvas-worthy photo, I'll gladly pay for shipping. An 8x10, unframed canvas is a flat $30. Very cool.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I refuse to pay for shipping and I'm angry that Pop Sugar put me in this situation."
  • "Photography has met the digital age and nobody prints out pictures anymore."

Barefruit Crunchy Sea Salt Caramel Apple Chips- How delicious does this sound? Not only is the packaging attractive, but these are super low in calorie. What's not to love, right? These are hideous. They do not taste like apples, or caramel, or chips, or even salt. 100% natural, 100% nasty.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I took these to work for a healthy snack alternative and I about died from the awfulness."
  • "I can buy these at the gas station and that to me...just isn't luxury."

Overall, this month was incredible. Hopefully this becomes a trend, but alas...we all know that this is never the case.

Grade: A+

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Blush Mystery Beauty Box- November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim

November, the month where we all pretend that we're happy and "thankful" for all of the "blessings" in our lives. Well, this is only relevant if you're publicly bragging on Facebook to make yourself look a little less like a wanker. However, in the world of beauty subs, thankful...is a word you'll never hear. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Cargo High Pigment Pencil: Brown- This is the perfect pencil for achieving a professional look without looking overly made-up. Application is fairly decent, but nothing to really rave about. I'll use this pencil when I have to look alert for those horrible 6am work shifts.
 
Reasons to Bitch:

         - "This isn't a mechanical liner and I actually have to sharpen this pencil."
         - "Brown is such a boring, poop color and my peepers deserve the best."

Nick Chavez Horsetail Root Lifting Spray- Horsetail Root Extract is a large plant with hollow stems, primarily used for medicinal purposes. I was hoping that this was the case and it wasn't from an actual horse's tail. This spray smells so much like alcohol and would be the worst to use after a drinking binge. Overall, this product is alright. It kind of seems like it was a lame attempt at a lifting spray.   

Reasons to Bitch:

        - "My hair is already full, thick and gorgeous."
        - "I'm still concerned that this is from an actual horse's tail and that is not okay with me."


Pur-Lisse Pur Perfect Essential Daily Moisturizer- Oh, how I enjoy moisturizers. Psyche, no I don't. What I do find exciting about this is that it's a 30spf sunscreen as well. At least that one day of the year when I go outside, I'll be covered.

Reasons to Bitch:

        - "I already have too many tubes of this from other beauty subs."
        - "I never use sun-screen, because a tan is worth the health risk."


Anstastia Mini Hydrafull Gloss: Sorbet- How I would have loved for this to be full-sized...even trial-sized would have been nice. This gloss is half of the size of my pointer finger. No exaggeration. The color is phenomenal, but the applicator tip is a plastic paddle. I hope this isn't the new trend for lip applicators, as I am seeing it pop up everywhere. This gloss is great...just a mini-baby gloss.

Reasons to Bitch:

         - "This is such a bright neon color and I would never wear this shade for the Fall season."
         - "This is so small; it got lost in my pocket."



Smart FX Smartlash Enhancer- My lackluster, short lashes has officially given me a complex. I begged my eye doctor for lash help and he just laughed at me. I told him that I was losing friends because of my short-lashes. He did not believe me. After several weeks of usage, I'll be able to give more than a past life-memory for a review.  

Reasons to Bitch:

         - "I already have gorgeous Disney Princess lashes."
         - "What if I love this and have to repurchase it at the retail price?!"


--> While searching for Smartlash Enhancer reviews, it seems like all  of the fantastic reviews on certain websites may be part of a consumer scam. Not saying that the product is harmful, but more of a false advertisement. That's the general buzz on the inter-web, but relying on another persons opinion isn't exactly how you should live your life, but that's just my opinion.  


Paula’s Choice RESIST Ultra-Light Super Antioxidant Concentrate Serum- Another, "You're getting old" serum. I don't have wrinkles. Perhaps it's because I'm still in my 20s or the fact that I keep using all of these bizarre serums sent my way.

Reasons to Bitch:
             
          - "How many more skin care items are there in this world?"
          - "I have super-sensitive skin, but I'll use this and complain anyways!"



Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color Maximum Volume Mascara: Black- As far as mascaras go, this one is pretty average. The brush is average, the application is average and the color is...what was it? Oh, average. Mascara has come a long way, but I guess we were sent one that was created in the 80s.

Reasons to Bitch:

          - "The tube has a sticker on it saying, "Gift-not for resale," and that's tacky."
          -  "I needed another black mascara like another hole in my head."


Overall, I'm not exactly high-fiving everyone around me, but I'm not immensely disappointed either.
 
Grade C: Needs improvement.

 




Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Glossybox & Byrdie: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 
The eagerly awaited Glossybox, collaborated with Byrdie arrived early this morning. In the wee hours of 10:30 am, I awoke to my mailman beating down my door. Awake and disoriented, I decided to find out, if in fact, the bird is the word.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Balance Me Shine on Tinted Lip Salve: Super Soft Beige - As happy as I was to receive a lip product, I was slightly less than excited that it was a salve. When applied, there is literally no visible color and it smells like spearmint. The salve is ultra smoothing and moisturizing, so it does deliver...but it's not anywhere near the quality that I look for.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "The color doesn't last long at all, or even show up for that matter."
  • "It smells like spearmint, which reminds me of Freedent and that's a turn-off."

BVLGARI: Eau Parfumee Au The Vert De Cologne- Every woman should own at least one BVLGARI perfume. Not only is the bottle design sleek and classy, but the scent is so glamorous that even an ugly girl can feel pretty. This particular scent has a summery, feminine vibe that I can't get enough of.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "There isn't a spritzer on it and my man hands will get the perfume everywhere."
  • "I have no idea how to pronounce the name so how will I tell my lover what to get me?"

Fresh: Lotus Youth Preserve Face Cream- When Charlie Brown goes Trick-or-treating and everybody gets candy and Charlie gets a rock...well that is how I feel about Face Creams. "I got a rock." With that said, I actually like this face cream. It was smooth and served as a great foundation for the rest of my make-up. Retailing at $42 for a full-size version, I didn't expect it to disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "It kind of smells like an organic garden and that's too weird for me."
  • "I have way too many moisturizers and old people creams."
Sesha: Renu Exfoliating Gel- This product is so gross, that it is absolutely incredible. After you cleanse your face and your skin is completely dry, you rub this lubricant like gel on your face and watch it cling to your dead skin cells. The dead skin cells then roll up and peel off your face. I mean this is vile, horrible, awful and the absolute highlight of my day. An absolute must-have.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I had to take several tums after using this product, because it upset my stomach from the gross-factor."
  • "It kind of looked like sperm, but didn't smell like it though."

Tarte: Lights, Camera, Flashes Statement Mascara- I had such high hopes for this "statement" mascara, because my little lashes are less than impressive. If applied correctly, this mascara does it all. It takes a bit of time, but the outcome is insane. The packaging is adorable and the product is scientifically proven. I can now see my lashes when I half close my eyes. A++

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I already have long lushes lashes and I don't see the point in this."
  • "This didn't do anything for me, because I failed to read the instructions."
Overall, the bird, bird, bird really is the word.

A+ Glossybox, A+

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Ipsy: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
After sending and posting relentless, irate letters to Ipsy, UPS and DHL, my bag FINALLY came. I mean,  I had to wait until mid-month, like Ipsy promised us from the very beginning. Oh, wait...I didn't do any of that, because I'm not a ball-sack. Onto the review:

Theme: The Art of Beauty

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Buxom Full-on Lip Polish: Dolly- Buxom is a prestige cosmetic line and well sought after for their remarkable products. I had high expectations for this gloss and after the pain of the lip-plumping misery went away, I liked it. The initial sting was quite awful and rather shocking. Several hours later, I could still feel the sting, BUT my lips were fuller. The color is a nice neutral, but this is a gloss with a vengeance.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Ipsy clearly hates me, because I didn't get this gloss."
  • "For $10, I should have received the full-size, in addition to the 4 other products."
  • "This is more of a 'little girl pink,' and I'm a full-on twat-face. I would prefer a darker shade."
Nourish Organic Body Lotion: Coconut & Argan- The smooth, moisturizing texture doesn't disappoint, however...the slight scent of vanilla does. Wah. Some woman are all about the "Organic" qualities of beauty products which this lotion offers. I, however, enjoy littering and wrecking havoc on our planet, so it's wasted on me. Relax, that was a joke.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "The packaging looks like it's from the 80s and that isn't ok for my modern lifestyle."
  • "I think Organic products are over-rated."
  • "You can find this a Target, but I'd rather go to Walmart, so I can wear my pajama pants."
Ole Henriksen: Truth Serum Collagen Booster- Excellent skin care is the best foundation for your face full of makeup...including those awful anti-aging products. Ole Henriksen Truth Serum claims to reduce fine lines, brighten and protect from environmental aggressors. Slightly citrusy, fast-absorbing and non-greasy, Ole Henriksen just might do the trick for my frown lines.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I frown way too much for this product to be of help."
  • "I really wanted this and feel outraged that I missed out on it."
  • "I signed up for make-up, not skin care."
Sexy Hair: Blow Dry Gel- The 'Sexy Hair,' line is an absolute favorite of mine. I have yet to use a product that gave less than stellar results. A little goes a long way for this product. You only need about a dime-size worth of gel to get a complete blow-out effect. Well done, Sexy Hair, well done.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Um, this isn't the 90s...and I'm not going for a glamour shoot. Big hair need not apply."
  • "I have a really outdated hair style and I'd like to keep it that way."
  • "I already have voluptuous hair and I don't want to take additional time to style it."
Zoya Nail Polish: Mason- Fall 2013 nails are sure to look stunning with Zoya's new polish line. This polish is easy to apply due to the consistency of the product and is relatively long-lasting.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I hate the color that I received so much, that I cannot even give this a fair rating."
  • "My 12 year old daughter wears blues, purples and greens. I'm too crotchety for that."
  • "Another nail polish? I didn't even finish that last bottle..."
Overall, my bag was great...thankfully so! If not, I was going to have to write additional hate mail and post it on every forum I know of. I was then going to teach my kids that, Bitching and harassing a company is the ONLY way to get results. Good thing I like my bag...but there's always next month.

Click to Sign Up & Bitch

Rating: A

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Pop Sugar Must Have: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 
The much anticipated Popsugar Must Have has arrived and the bitch-fest is at an all time high.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards

The Can't Cook Book: Recipes for the Absolutely Terrified- It's quite refreshing to find a cookbook that doesn't offer up bizarre recipes with never-before-heard-of ingredients. The recipes give the illusion of a high-end meal, but really it's all a façade. Luckily, general idiots can apply this book to their lives and give the mac & cheese a break.

Reasons to Bitch:

  • "I already know how to cook, and well at that!" (That's great! What restaurant do you own?)
  • "I'd much prefer a boring novel that only I would like."
  • "I find it completely sexist that you'd send a cook book to a group of women."
NYX Cosmetics Liquid Liner: black- For a liquid liner, this one isn't all too amazing. In order to achieve the perfect line, this requires some skill and patience. The drying time is lengthy and the brush is a bit flimsy. If you don't know how to apply liquid liner, this one isn't going to help you learn.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "NYX, you sent me NYX!"
  • "This is from a big-box store and I am highly insulted."
  • "How many more black liners am I going to be sent?"
Smokey Shadow Palette- The classic smokey eye is timeless, gorgeous and an overall challenge for most women. These color are decently pigmented and on-trend for the fall.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I don't wear eye shadow."
  • "This palette was only $7 and certainly not a must-have."
  • "I already have too much shadow and Popsugar should have consulted with me first!" 
Gorjana Charity Bali Bead Bracelet- This bracelet is teensy and cute. It would look great stacked with other bracelets for a bright, fun look. The downside is that it is extremely short in length and not very sturdy. Coincidently, my bracelet broke...but I just tied it up again...

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I would NEVER pay $45 for this bracelet" (News flash: You didn't)
  • "I don't like the color pink and can't appreciate that it's for breast cancer awareness."
  • "More Gorjana and gold...have you not been reading our relentless hate mail?"
Julep Polish Coco and Polymer Duo- Julep polish is high-quality steadily gaining popularity within the beauty community. Coco is the perfect blunt red for the fall and the Polymer top coat is an added bonus.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I just bought the Polymer and I will never again in my life need another top coat."
  • "I only get professional manicures and pedicures. Who actually paints their own nails?"
  • "I am so bad at painting my own nails!"
Jane Tran Bobby Pins- This is more of a hair "barrette" than a bobby pin. The shimmery-fall colors are great and are perfect for a refined up-do.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Only children and dancers use bobby-pins."
  • "How are $12 bobby-pins considered a luxury item?"
  • "I never use bobby-pins and I am content with my outdated hairstyle. "
The Wet Brush- Upon receiving the Wet Brush, I checked out the reviews and embarrassingly enough, ended up watching videos on YouTube of girls brushing their hair. Along with thinking that my life was at an all-time low; I thought that these girls were insane. Who knew that brushing your hair was such a big issue? The Wet Brush is incredible, but I don't want to ruin your surprise OR prevent you from watching people brush their hair on YouTube.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I don't like pink and still haven't figured out that it's for breast cancer awareness."
  • "I'm more of a comb kind of girl"
  • "I saw this at the local store and refuse to use this, because I'm a pretentious bitch."
The Crispery: Halloween Crispycake- I just ate this whole thing, basically by myself and I now feel like I am going to die of consumption. It was good, but I'm in such a state of misery from the over-indulgence that I'm getting nauseous from thinking about it. Overall rating for the cake...B. Not B+

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I don't believe in, or celebrate Halloween, so thanks for sending me the devil's treat."
  • "Rice Crispy treats are for poor people"
    • I completely agree with this bitch-ling that has been circulating around online. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the local store to buy rice crispy ingredients and thought, "all of these damn poor people have already bought up the ingredients, leaving nothing left for the rich people." So, I took things into my own hands and wrote the marshmallow and rice-crispy company asking them, NO...demanding them to raise their prices to prevent the "poor people," from making these delicious treats.
  • "I didn't share my rice crispy treat and now I have the worst upset stomach"
Stitch Fix $20 Gift Card (Special Extra)- I love a good gift card, but this "special extra" has started an official Popsugar war. I look forward to trying the service, but sadly it's sized-biased, preventing a lot of women service. If you're above a size 14, Stitch Fix tells you that you're out of luck and supposedly refuses you service. That's mean. Once I receive my first "fix," I'll blog it up.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Stitch Fix is a dick and refused me service." (Not Cool)
  • "I only shop in-store."
  • "This sounds a bit too pricey and not for the people that can only afford to make Rice Crispy treats."
Overall, this box was most likely curated for me. I appreciate the fun mix of beauty, style and food...a total gem. Next month, Popsugar raises their price by a near $5...and the bitchfest, well...we will just have the watch it all play out.

Click to Sign up and Bitch!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Birchbox: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 
Birchbox is on fire this month with timely shipping, impressive product "samples," and over-the-top customer service, but don't worry...bitches are still bitching.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards

Theme: Beauty Buzz

Benefit Cosmetics: Fake Up- I was pleasantly surprised to find a Benefit product in my box, because I never get sent them. I just figured Benefit was "anti-Jamie," and didn't want to play with me. "Fake-up" is a brilliant concept where it moisturizes, conceals and gives the appearance that you're ready to tackle the day. The packaging is adorable and it really works, a total must-have.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I don't fake anything Benefit, just orgasms, I fake those."
  • "The sample is just too small and I deserve a full-size product."
  • "I don't have dark circles and simply don't know any other woman that does."
Liz Earle: Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser- Such a huge sample, beautifully packaged. After reading the instructions I scrubbed up and immediately fell in love with this cleanser. The smooth texture of the polish leaves the skin feeling alive, awake and clean. Another A+

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I already have a cleanser that I use and would never dare to update my preferences."
  • "This product smells like medicine."
  • "I don't like how it requires a special cloth to use effectively."
Liz Earle: Pure Muslin Cloth- Part two of the Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish. In addition to the polish, this cloth seals the deal. My skin feels unbelievable and it's because of this slightly course cleansing cloth.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "You counted this as one of my samples, so I'm going to write mean letters on the BB Facebook page."
  • "I only use hypo-allergenic materials on my sensitive face."
  • "I have to wash this cloth? Thanks for the extra chore, Liz."
Pop Beauty Aqua Lacquer: Flowery Fuchsia- Pop Beauty hasn't been a favorite of mine, but they may have just redeemed themselves. This gloss is slightly minty with a versatile feminine color. The only downside is that the applicator...is a "paddle." Definitely not so easy for a quick application in a crowded-club scene.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "I poked myself in the eye with the applicator paddle."
  • "This gloss makes me feel like a pre-teen and I'm a sassy-outspoken, blue-hair."
  • "Pop Beauty makes those awful Pouty Pop Crayons, and I can't forgive them for that."
ChapStick Moisturizer Hydration Lock: Vanilla Crème- If I was trapped on a desert island and could only take 3 things, ChapStick would be one of them. The scent is 'wah' to me, but it's more of a cake-vanilla, rather than warm-vanilla. Ultra-moisturizing and lip-smoothing, ChapStick, I'm in love.

Reasons to Bitch
  • "My bitch girl-friends and I didn't sign up to receive ChapStick."
  • "I never use ChapStick and I'm content with my alligator lips."
  • "I twisted up my ChapStick and now it won't go back down."
Overall, Birchbox is aiming high and setting their sights on regaining their subscription crown.

A+ Birchbox

SIGN UP & BITCH

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
Welcome home, Blush Mystery Beauty Box. I've been expecting you. 

Chella Skin Care Highlighter Pencil: Ivory LaceI previously had to prostitute myself out on the Ipsy Facebook page, begging to trade for this. Hilariously, a month later Blush sends them out to everyone. I'm not going to lie...I didn't mind the prostitution. We were all winners. This highlighter is genius. It works for everything, especially for those less than sexy dark circles. If you don't know what to do with this godsend, do yourself a favor and search for some "how-to" videos.

Butter London Nail Laquer Vernis: Kerfuffle- It was so nice to receive a quality nail polish in a respectable color. Don't get me wrong, I love the crazy, wildness of beauty, but for some reason my profile is always matched to "Dramatic hooker, seeking attention," and I get all the "bolds and patterned." Finding a light pink polish that actually covers the nail isn't an easy task. This polish has fortunately ended my relentless search to do so. Win.

Karin Herzog Vita-A-Kombi- "A nutritious daily moisturizer with a slew of anti-aging benefits." Slew? Not multitude, plethora or exuberant...?" Again, it's no secret that I don't love moisturizers. I'll probably pop a Benadryl and smear this slewage on later.

Mirabella Mineral Highlighting Power: Glowing Coral- Who doesn't own a $38 highlighting powder? Not me, I'm part of the cool crowd. Mirabella, excluding the generic looking logo and lame color scheme, is quickly becoming a cosmetic favorite of mine. The design team seems to be dated...or perpetually stoned, but I digress. This product offers the perfect amount of shimmer and shine. It quickly amps up your look and is your official invite to the "cool kids table at lunch."

Myface Cosemetics Lip Pop Gloss: Sweetest Thing- If I was an objectum-sexual...I'd marry lip-gloss. The website divides the cosmetics into "fair, medium and dark," shade complexions. If you have NO idea what colors look good on you and feel that a $15 lip gloss is perfect for you, then I guess this is a cool concept. Maybe 1 person in the world found this helpful. The gloss is scentless and the brush itself isn't of high quality. As for color, quite nice and easily transitions from day to play.

[Edit: 1/23/2014] I have used this gloss nearly everyday. I can't get enough of it. After months, of repetitive use, I have to admit that I'm in love. My heart is breaking that I'm almost out.

Theraples Ft Exfoliating Emollient- "Penetrating moisture...now with peppermint" reads the tube. Weird. Was I just sent oral-sex gel? This isn't a lotion by any means (or sex-gel); it's a slightly greasy, mint-scented, foot lubricant, referred to as an "emollient." This works in a strange kind of way, but it has a distinctive retirement home smell. This can't even really be given as a gift...ex, "Here's this odd smelling foot lube that you've never heard of! Merry Christmas!" See, it just doesn't work.

Talika Lipocils Expert- My lashes are so short that I'll take any help that I can get. I'm stuck in a persistent conundrum, short natural lashes or drag-queen looking falsies. I'll pray to the lash-goddess for additional help. This product can't be reviewed with one application. Patience is a virtue, bitch.

Miracle Skin Transformer Face SPF 20: Medium- Considering the "slew" of purposes that the product offers, as long as an allergic reaction doesn't occur, I'll call it a win. The shade is decent and seemingly works well as a primer. Big thrills..nooo.

In conclusion to my charm and wit, for me, this box is better than last months. Half of the box was out-of-this-world stellar and the lesser items were just, "eh."

Overall: B+





 



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Glossybox: September 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
Glossy-boxy arrived in all of it's fall-y goodness. Fall, the season where everybody posts that moronic meme of "crisp air, fall leaves and hoodies" on Facebook.

 Theme: All You Need for Fall

According to the Glossybox thread, this box has been receiving high marks and setting high standards for the upcoming months. This will undoubtedly become Glossybox's "Box to Beat." Unlike most beauty boxes, this month had a very well thought out, cohesive theme. Onto the review:

BCBGMAXAZRIA: Bon Genre Eau De ParfumThis perfume pen has a masculine scent to it. BCBGMAXARIA refers to it as "seductive, mysterious and intriguing" and that's about as accurate as could be. It's the perfect scent for Fall. Unfortunately, I haven't got a clue on how to pronounce the name. When other gals ask me what scent I'm wearing, I'll embody a French lady and say, "It's a secret."

Be a Bombshell: Eyeliner Pen in Onyx- Be a Bombshell cosmetics rarely disappoint. This eyeliner is long-lasting and impressive. Besides the lackluster packaging, it's a must-have.

Emite Makeup- Eyelash Curler- The Emite Eyelash Curler has a sleek and elegant design. The rubber is high quality and deep compressing. Retailing around 31 dollars, this curler has completely knocked out it's competitors.

Nioxin- Diamax Treatment- "I don't need thicker hair," is the main bitching for this product, but let's for one second assume that you're not a total ignoramus and actually look at this product. Not only does this product thicken your hair (if applied to the roots) it also strengthens and protects hair against breakage. Split ends and damaged hair can make even the richest woman look poor. Fix up your hair...and then maybe your face.

Oceane- Makeup Remover Pen- Brilliant, brilliant and brilliant. This pen comes with 3 additional replacement tips to maximize the use of this product. Sadly, this is an international product and next to impossible to find. Wah.

Glossybox describes this box as the perfect way to "update your look," but really, it's the "What every girl should put in her Walk of Shame Bag box." Your confidence my be shaken after waking up at a strangers house, but after a swipe of liner, curl of the eyelashes and spritz of perfume, you'll be back on-top in no time. Sex Joke.

Overall- A+ Glossybox, A+

Fabletics Review



Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
Fabletics is a recently launched workout clothing line from JustFab. I was so psyched about this newly launched company, because I'm ALL about the gym. I mean workout fanatic. Total lie; I was actually excited to get some new clothes to go grocery shopping in. I'll workout once the Biggest Loser accepts me as a future contestant.

I ordered the "Forgive" outfit, which included the "Nadi Legging" and the "Versital Tee." I chose the cheery colors of black and gray to match my positive disposition on life. I had a promo and did not pay the retail price. These outfits are a bit pricy. If your well off, never mind that last statement. Onto the review:

Versital Tee- I am so not the type of girl to wear a tee-shirt, let alone a short sleeve, v-neck. It's just not my style...until I met the Versital Tee. The fabric alone was incredible. Generously sized, so you can order a size down and the comfort is out of this world.

Nadi Legging- What girl hasn't been on the search for the perfect legging? When looking for a legging to begin with, you have to assess all possible angles and traits of the legging itself and your body. What fun! You get to determine if your ass does in fact look that bad or if you look like you have more cellulite than a hippo. Some girls don't own mirrors and wear leggings without hesitation. I, well I own a mirror and have shame. Plenty of shame. These leggings are the top of the line. The material, design, comfort, stretch and overall quality is phenomenal. I need these in every possible color.

Overall: After receiving this outfit, I ran upstairs to shower before slipping into such greatness. I wore the outfit for 2 days straight and then threw it in the wash so I could wear it again the next day. Not only did I look stunning, well let's be honest, that's not hard to achieve but I was comfortable. With this outfit, I felt like I could work out, but alas...I totally did not. I did, however, catch up on "Breaking Bad."


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Thursday, September 19, 2013

PopSugar Must Have: September 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
 
The long awaited September Popsugar Must Have Box has arrived. "I hope it is as good as last years" sentiments can finally be laid to rest. How many times can that be stated? Don't you realize that a past box, previous memories invokes a state of nostalgia? You probably only thought the box was "eh," and may have even bitched about it, but now it has come to be the "box to beat." With that said, onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards

Barr-Co. Original Scent Reed Diffuser- Who needs a 45$ reed diffuser scented with milk, oatmeal and vetiver? I do. It's reminds me of walking into a beautifully-clean house and immediately feeling at home. The jar is aesthetically pleasing and the scent is relaxing. Diffuser refills are available on their website with a plethora of intriguing scents. It just keeps getting better, I know.

Reasons to Bitch-
  • "I didn't know not to pour all of the oil into my diffuser and I now ruined it."
  • "This is the most expensive item in the box and I don't like that."
  • "I don't like the scent!"
  • "This doesn't match my décor."
P.S- You're Invited by Erica Domesek- I'm embarrassed to admit that I like this book. Living in Pennsylvania, means that we have Winter 9 out of the 12 months. I sometimes, think..."Jamie, why exactly are you saving that jar of random buttons?" Now, I know...I'm making Christmas gifts..."

Life with P.S.- You're Invited Craft Book.

Text from a friend: Hey, we're all going out tonight. Awesome drink specials and entertainment.
Me: Sounds great, wish I could come.
Friend: Why can't you? You have 4 cats, not 4 kids...
Me: I need to make an Aztec Print Poncho (pg. 128) from this blanket I got at Goodwill.
Friend: Wtf, Jamie...
Me: Wait! Instead of going out, why don't you all just come over. I have enough material and buttons for everyone!
(20 min. of no reply)
Me: Heey...did your phone die?

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I would MUCH rather have a novel."
  • "I don't have time to make crafts."
  • "I can't believe that I have to buy extra material just to make these items."
  • "I lost all of my friends, because I stopped going out and stayed at home to make these crafts.
Rifle Paper Co. Coaster Set- Nothing says you're living the high-life quite like paper coasters! No? You don't agree? Out of all the prints that Rifle Paper Co. has available, we were sent: Tea party with your weird Aunt, coasters. Now, I'm not 100% sure if that is the actual name of this design, but if it is, I wouldn't be surprised. So, it's not a secret; I'm not in love with these. But I like doing things out of spite, so I am going to use these coasters until they disintegrate.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "These are made out of paper. Water and paper go absolutely great together!"
  • "I just stole a stack of paper coasters from Applebee's, so I don't need these."
  • "They didn't come with a little coaster holder, so now what?"
  • "My weird aunt stole these and now she wants to have a tea party."
Kitsch Headbands- I love these! They don't squeeze your head, making you feel like you're brains are going to come out of your ears. They also don't put that, "I just wore a headband" dent in your hair after you take it out. I like how the collection was a mix of neutral and bright solid colors. Total win.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I have an unusually large head and these make me look even more like a freak."
  • "I don't like the twistband, so I don't like these!"
  • "I just have sooooo many hair ties and hair bands."
  • "Why were we sent such ordinary colors when the website has tons of cool designs?"
Shoptiques 25$ Gift Card- I wish that we were sent actual gift cards like this in every box. You basically receive your money back with these gift cards. Shoptiques is a unique store that allows you access to boutiques all around the world, like Paris. I'm not as impressed with this, because I'm like at Paris and other worldly places all the time. Oh, wait...that's not my life. Anyways, everyone usually complains about how they don't like receiving gift cards, but what they are obviously missing is that this is how you get your "customizable" box. I used my Shoptiques card to get this stylish hat.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "Everything on the site is just way too expensive for me!"
  • "I still have to pay for shipping and that isn't okay."
  • "I haven't even used the previous gift cards I received!"
  • "Out of the 20,000 items on the website, I just couldn't find anything."
That's It. Bar: Apple & Pear- I appreciate the fact that only 2 fruits make up this bar and for 100 calories, I'm not going to bitch, much. The texture was weird and it was quite seedy. It wasn't bad, but this probably will appeal more so to the Organic type of people that pack their pre-school aged children with these items.

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I didn't sign up to receive cheap food items."
  • "I hate fruits and so does everybody I know."
  • "If I wanted to pretend to be organic, I'd go to Trader Joes."
Sharkies Energy Chews: Watermelon- I don't understand how these gummies are use to promote "energy." Calories convert into energy, therefore Burger King is for the athlete. But, gummies are gummies and everybody loves those!

Reasons to Bitch:
  • "I don't like the flavor I received."
  • "This is basically candy and I'm way too health conscious to eat this."
  • "I feel like I don't deserve to eat this, because I didn't work out first."
The Verdict: Great box. For 35$, it was well worth it.

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