Glossy Box: April 2015

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Marrakesh: Endz: Split End Mender & Preventer- It's easy to tell when a women does not use a leave-in conditioner. Today, I silently pointed out a women who could have used such a product. Frizzy, unruly, and certainly no-product, stood a woman at the jewelry counter at Walmart. Yes, buy your jewelry there...you're going places. This product smooths, conditions and tames...but I'd never buy it, because of the name...Mender & Preventer.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The full-size is only 1 oz, with my Rapunzel-like locks, that's hardly one application."
• "I am a shampoo and conditioner-in-one kind of gal. This step and product is unnecessary." 

Aerin: Waterlily Sun: A deluxe sized perfume spritzer, with the most pleasant of all smells. The info card describes it as a fragrance "meant to capture the feeling of sunlight reflecting on water...." and since I purposefully make it a point to avoid all sunlight, I can't say that I disagree. This is easily a new favorite scent and if I had the $110, I'd splurge on the 1.7 oz of water-reflected sunlight in a bottle.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Ever hear of allergies, Glossybox! What beauty sub would everrrr send a perfume sample their subscribers?"
• "I thought we were all getting full-sizes? Hook and Bait. Hook and Bait."

Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics: Stained Gloss: Rhythm Box- Featured in less than user-friendly packaging is a rather good product. This gloss oddly enough does not come with a lip brush, forcing the user to stain their fingers when applying the product. The color is glossy enough, yet intimidating for a low-maintenance kind of gal. Luckily, I'm high maintenance. (This product was also sent out to other subscribers in what is affectionately being referred to as "traffic cone orange...I would have liked that. Sad Face.)

Reasons to Bitch: 

• "Touch-ups at the local bump-n-grind are virtually impossible with this horrible squeeze-tip applicator."
• "No, no, no. I'm a professional woman and not a prosti-tot. I won't be using this."

Estee Lauder: Enlighten Dark Spot Correcting Night Serum: I'm not sure what a "dark-spot is or if I even have them...I do love Estee Lauder, so I'll add it to my already extensive skin-care routine. I don't expect miracles from it...because I don't actually know what I am trying to correct. I am thrilled to see Estee being featured and look for more to come in future boxes.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Department store make-up counters are a mere step-up above drug stores. Don't try to play me like that."
• "I have so many 'samples' of this product from all the free GWP that I've received from Estee. Fail."

Julep: Gel Eye Glider: Navy: Incredibly long-lasting with an ultra-smooth application, this Gel Liner will be a staple in my vanity. Navy is universally flattering for all eye-colors and easily transitions from daytime to nighttime.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I wanted Julep products, I'd subscribe to Julep. Please don't pass off other sub products for a broader range of advertising. 
• "I don't wear eye-liner, because I wear glasses." Guys don't make passes at girls' who wear glasses, EVER."

Thursday Friday Makeup Bag: I like the idea of this...but this is just so bad. It's so completely awful, but I like the brand. It's like the company said "What's the ugliest bag that we have...Oh, easy, this studded-lip bag. We've sold exactly zero of them...Hand them out and hopefully somebody will like it. I appreciate the bag, I really do...but why that design? How.

Overall, this month was an absolute hit. Glossybox continues to smash their competition with their thoughtfully packaged boxes and now...their stunning and highly sought after box designs.

Grade: A 

Glossybox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: The Month of Love (Unless you're single...then it's just February.)

Calm down...this is why you're single.

Anatomicals: Puffy The Eye Bag Slayer Wake Up Under Eye Patches: Dear God do I hate puns and the in your face attempt at trying to be funny that Anatomicals plasters all over their products. I haven't enjoyed a single product from Anatomicals...until these eye patches. Being a lady of the night, mornings are the devil and I don't exactly want others to know that I was "raging" the night before. With 30 minutes of relaxation from these lengthy-named eye patches, I almost look...human again.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "These eye patches gave me a rash and now nobody wants to be my friend."
• "I really want to buy these, but they are next to impossible to find!"

Lauren B. Beauty: Nail Couture in City of Angels- Pink, pastel polish is a fail for my ghost-like complexion. The polish is very thin and it takes 3 coats for a decent application. After the polish dries, the overall look is streaked and patchy. Lauren B. is also a pain to wipe off once it comes into contact with your skin.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "14 day no-chip guarantee? Yeah, I'll believe that once my Unicorn gives birth."
• "The brush was too long and flimsy; paired with a disappointing formula, we all lose."

Pureology Serious Colour Care: Colour Fanatic- With such a beautiful scent, I'd use this spray even if I didn't dye my hair. Overall, my hair feels softer and manageable.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I don't dye my hair...so this is a flop!"
• "My stylist has graciously hooked me up with an exceptionally high-end and over-priced hair care line. I'll pass Pureology, I'll pass.

Skin&Co Roma: Truffle Therapy Serum Plus- Anything that smells like coconut and sunscreen can be my friend. I can't say that I see any dramatic improvements with my skin, but I do smell like summertime...and for 75.00 per 1 fl ou, that's a steal. Psych, I can' afford this! After application, my skin felt tighter around my eyes and my cheeks felt smoother. Perhaps Skin&Co is the real deal.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I hope with all my heart that another sub sends me a Skin&Co product, because I'll never be able to afford it on my own."
• "I don't know what 'serums' actually do...so...I just won't use this.

Sumita Beauty: Kala Color Intense Pencil- Very similar to the Urban Decay 24/7 liner and I'm in love. Sumita doesn't blend quite as easily as Urban Decay, and that is awesome. Sumita in Kala is very black and actually lasts all day. The pencil is not retractable and did break while filling in my cat eye, but I can forgive those faults. If I didn't have a surplus of black liners, I'd absolutely repurchase this pencil.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I needed another black liner, like I need another hole in my head."
• "I am such a n00b when it comes to makeup and the only thing that I know how to do with black liners is to ring my whole eye like a whore."

Well played, Glossybox...for several months now, you have been lacking...but luckily you're making a comeback. Friendship: Renewed.

Grade: B+

Glossybox: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Glossybox, why! Why, why, why! Somebody out there loved their box, but it certainly wasn't me. The products for this month were quite anti-climatic and well, no girl enjoys that. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Anatomicals: You Need A Blooming Shower!- Even if I enjoyed the horrendous scent of "panty-liner rose" I would still have an issue with the gaudy packaging and advertisement scheme. Nothing about this product worked for me. The scent, tacky colors and verbiage was an utter catastrophe. Who wants to take a shower and smell worse after it?

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't much care for floral scents and that is putting it nicely."
• "Anatomicals is such a cheap line of skin care. How good can that be for me?"

Ardency Inn: PUNKER World's Baddest Eyeliner- The only gem in the box was the eyeliner, but I'm neither a 'punk,' nor 'badass,' so the marketing for this little liner is again, wasted. The liner is that of a black sharpie and works quite well. It lasts all day and well into those dark and dreary nights.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "I like to pretend that I'm good at applying makeup, but cannot seem to use a liner correctly."
• "I got this confused with my sharpie and now I'm all messed up." Permanently.

Michael Todd True Organics: Pumpkin Mask- Clearly printed on the bottle is a warning against use on sensitive skin. Well, that's cool. Unless, I wanted a super-fun rash that swells my eyes shut for days on end..I think I'll pass.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Michael Todd tried to kill me with this product."
• "I hate all forms of pumpkin...so yeah, I'll smear that on my face."

Nails Inc. Victoria Polish- As for an international nail polish, I am fairly pleased. Again, the visual of the bottle itself is lacking, but the polish and crimson color are decent. Overall, Nails Inc. offers a shiny, no-chip product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I'm one of those fussy people that complain about products not made in the USA."
• "The rounded cap makes application quite difficult and my fine motor skills are weak."

Naobay: Oxygenating Cream Moisturizing- Lotion. Over-priced, Boring Lotion. If I'm going to pay for a lotion that costs over 20 dollars an ounce, I'd like to at least enjoy it. Out of all the competitors in the body care line, this one makes no sense.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This lotion promises so many benefits, but I can't afford it to find out."
• "Naobay is a natural and organic product...and I'm not one of those people."

Overall, this box was not curated for me. It's not that the products were 'bad,' they just were meant for someone else. Very sad ending for year 2k13.

Grade: D

Glossybox: November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim

Glossybox is like the "sleeper" out of all of the beauty subscriptions. There isn't really ever any buzz about it and the product spoilers never really jazz anyone. It isn't until you actually open the box and try the products, that you realize that you have dramatically upgraded your makeup collection.
 
Theme: Holiday Romance (I don't have a clue how they came up with this theme. Nothing correlates and there is no red lip, glitter, shimmer or shine, included in the box. A better theme would have been "Refined Classic, but they didn't ask me."
 
For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.
 
Emite Makeup: Micronized Eye Shadow in Dams- The queen of all black shadows has officially been discovered. I am so impressed with the texture, color and blending quality of this product. Most black shadows are overbearing and not very user-friendly. This shadow is buildable and leaves a flawless finish. A+
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I am way too pale to use the timeless black shadow and I'm scared of even trying it."
• "Halloween is over...so black shadow, neat not apply."

Masty: Color Protection Color Protecting Leave-in Oil Treatment- $25 for 2oz is a bit pricey for hair oil. I'm currently obsessed with another oil, so I'm not overly excited to try this. The scent was nothing spectacular. Hair oils should be included in everyone's routine, so overall, this will be useful.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "Er, doesn't hair oil do the same thing as conditioner?" (Be ashamed if you thought this.)
• "Who adds oil to their hair? I don't see the point."

Nicka K: New York Professional Eyeshadow Brush- This brush is made with 'pony hair,' and that creeps me out. As far as brushes go, this is average. There is no overwhelming technology that astounds me or improves my look. It's what it is...a brush...made with horse hair. No winners here.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I never use shadow and can't possibly find another use for this brush."
• "I don't use any animal related product, and this includes pony hair."

The Aloe Source: Jojoba Radiance Cleansing Polish- Neat. Another facial cleanser. The scent is plain and the cleansing effect is average. There is nothing exciting about this. Even the packaging is boring.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I only use that scary high-powered skin product that increases suicide ideation."
• "I'm a bar soap and wash cloth kind of gal. I don't need all them fancy products."

Vincent Longo: Duo Eye Pencil- Incredible, multi-look pencil in 'complimentary shades.' This pencil is perfect for creating a multitude of stunning looks. I am absolutely pleased with this product and hope to see more of Mr. V. Longo in the upcoming months.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I got the super cool and trendy green combo pencil and I just want to bitch about that."
• "I don't use a double-headed anything, and that includes eyeliner."

Overall, this box was a stalemate. I'm certainly not disappointed, but I'm not in-love either. The theme makes no sense and any kind of 'Holiday Romance,' that comes my way over the next month better not include any pony-hair. That my friend, is a deal-breaker.

Grade: B, thanks to the shadows and liner, mind you.

Glossybox & Byrdie: October 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

 

The eagerly awaited Glossybox, collaborated with Byrdie arrived early this morning. In the wee hours of 10:30 am, I awoke to my mailman beating down my door. Awake and disoriented, I decided to find out, if in fact, the bird is the word.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Balance Me Shine on Tinted Lip Salve: Super Soft Beige - As happy as I was to receive a lip product, I was slightly less than excited that it was a salve. When applied, there is literally no visible color and it smells like spearmint. The salve is ultra smoothing and moisturizing, so it does deliver...but it's not anywhere near the quality that I look for.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The color doesn't last long at all, or even show up for that matter."
• "It smells like spearmint, which reminds me of Freedent and that's a turn-off."

BVLGARI: Eau Parfumee Au The Vert De Cologne- Every woman should own at least one BVLGARI perfume. Not only is the bottle design sleek and classy, but the scent is so glamorous that even an ugly girl can feel pretty. This particular scent has a summery, feminine vibe that I can't get enough of.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "There isn't a spritzer on it and my man hands will get the perfume everywhere."
• "I have no idea how to pronounce the name so how will I tell my lover what to get me?"

Fresh: Lotus Youth Preserve Face Cream- When Charlie Brown goes Trick-or-treating and everybody gets candy and Charlie gets a rock...well that is how I feel about Face Creams. "I got a rock." With that said, I actually like this face cream. It was smooth and served as a great foundation for the rest of my make-up. Retailing at $42 for a full-size version, I didn't expect it to disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "It kind of smells like an organic garden and that's too weird for me."
• "I have way too many moisturizers and old people creams."

Sesha: Renu Exfoliating Gel- This product is so gross, that it is absolutely incredible. After you cleanse your face and your skin is completely dry, you rub this lubricant like gel on your face and watch it cling to your dead skin cells. The dead skin cells then roll up and peel off your face. I mean this is vile, horrible, awful and the absolute highlight of my day. An absolute must-have.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I had to take several tums after using this product, because it upset my stomach from the gross-factor."
• "It kind of looked like sperm, but didn't smell like it though."

Tarte: Lights, Camera, Flashes Statement Mascara- I had such high hopes for this "statement" mascara, because my little lashes are less than impressive. If applied correctly, this mascara does it all. It takes a bit of time, but the outcome is insane. The packaging is adorable and the product is scientifically proven. I can now see my lashes when I half close my eyes. A++

Reasons to Bitch:

• "I already have long lushes lashes and I don't see the point in this."
• "This didn't do anything for me, because I failed to read the instructions."

Overall, the bird, bird, bird really is the word.

A+ Glossybox, A+

Glossybox: September 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Glossy-boxy arrived in all of it's fall-y goodness. Fall, the season where everybody posts that moronic meme of "crisp air, fall leaves and hoodies" on Facebook.

 Theme: All You Need for Fall

According to the Glossybox thread, this box has been receiving high marks and setting high standards for the upcoming months. This will undoubtedly become Glossybox's "Box to Beat." Unlike most beauty boxes, this month had a very well thought out, cohesive theme. Onto the review:

BCBGMAXAZRIA: Bon Genre Eau De Parfum- This perfume pen has a masculine scent to it. BCBGMAXARIA refers to it as "seductive, mysterious and intriguing" and that's about as accurate as could be. It's the perfect scent for Fall. Unfortunately, I haven't got a clue on how to pronounce the name. When other gals ask me what scent I'm wearing, I'll embody a French lady and say, "It's a secret."

Be a Bombshell: Eyeliner Pen in Onyx- Be a Bombshell cosmetics rarely disappoint. This eyeliner is long-lasting and impressive. Besides the lackluster packaging, it's a must-have.

Emite Makeup- Eyelash Curler- The Emite Eyelash Curler has a sleek and elegant design. The rubber is high quality and deep compressing. Retailing around 31 dollars, this curler has completely knocked out it's competitors.

Nioxin- Diamax Treatment- "I don't need thicker hair," is the main bitching for this product, but let's for one second assume that you're not a total ignoramus and actually look at this product. Not only does this product thicken your hair (if applied to the roots) it also strengthens and protects hair against breakage. Split ends and damaged hair can make even the richest woman look poor. Fix up your hair...and then maybe your face.

Oceane- Makeup Remover Pen- Brilliant, brilliant and brilliant. This pen comes with 3 additional replacement tips to maximize the use of this product. Sadly, this is an international product and next to impossible to find. Wah.

Glossybox describes this box as the perfect way to "update your look," but really, it's the "What every girl should put in her Walk of Shame Bag box." Your confidence my be shaken after waking up at a strangers house, but after a swipe of liner, curl of the eyelashes and spritz of perfume, you'll be back on-top in no time. Sex Joke.

Overall- A+ Glossybox, A+

Glossybox: August 2013 Review

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim



Hello, Glossybox! After stalking my mail carrier for days on end, he finally delivered my box. It was so nice of him not to pound on my door like a serial killer tracking down his next victim. Scares me, but that's besides the point.

For $21 dollars, I was sent a box worth over $85. If you're a numbers type of gal, then I'm sure you are pleased. If you could care less about the price-points and more about the products, then please read on.

Theme: Bohemian Summer

Anatomicals- Spray Misty for Me Facial Spritz: I have never been one for Facial Sprays and I'm still not today. I don't really see the benefit to them, unless you are at the beach and you want a quick way to cool down. Then, maybe I would be interested. The scent is a lavender, peppermint mix which is supposed to have a calming, invigorating aspect to it. I spritzed it on and then swiped a cotton ball over it. Dramatic results...no. Incredible feel...no. Allergic reaction...surprisingly not!    

Novex- Brazillian Keratin Hair Care Treatment Cream: Deep conditioner for the hair, but absolutely no instructions on what to do with it. I had to do some quick research on what I was supposed to do, exactly. Do I leave it in, wash it out or eat it? The overly crowded, shiny label called it "Hair Food..." not everyone is as smart as I am, so perhaps eating it was an option.

How to use:

1. Daily conditioner
2. Deep conditioning tx: Leave in for 30 min, wrapped in a shower cap, rinse
3. Deep conditioning tx: Leave in for 15 min, add heat ie: blowdryer, rinse

I used method #2...kind of. After staying in the shower for as long as I could stand (an additional 10 minutes, mind you) I rinsed my hair and styled it. My results, shiny hair. Nothing more, nothing less. This products received rave reviews from women of color with super curly or hard to manage hair. I wasn't astounded by the product, but perhaps I'm not the target audience. Overall, Novex Brazilian Keratin Hair Tx smelled absolutely wonderful, did nothing spectacular for me and had me naked in the shower for an additional 10 min.

Jelly Pong Pong Lip Blush- Cranberry: How I love a good lip product. The name is asinine and I would never refer to it as "Jelly Pong Pong." I just cannot see myself busting that one out with a straight face. Besides the lame name, this Lip "Blush," is pretty fantastic. Smooth, almost matte texture of a rather pink lip product has me pleasantly surprised. I would never have picked this color out for myself, but again Glossybox knows best. Apply (not liberally, like suggested) and tightly press your lips together to achieve maximum sexiness.

ModelCo Eyeshadow Duo- Bronzed Goddess: I was surprised to receive an eye shadow, instead of the featured nail color. Maybe, I'm just a lucky girl. ModelCo has far exceeded my expectations for an eye shadow. The colors are universally flattering, pleasantly pigmented and have the perfect amount of glitter in them. Some shadows have more glitter than a unicorn, but ModelCo has found the perfect amount. I am thrilled with this product and will not actually break it open and add it to my Z-palette.

Sue Devitt Triple C-Weed Pressed Poweder- Quiet and Still: I understand that I'm "Snow White pale," but that doesn't make me "quiet and still." Oh, bitch if I must...Apparently, Sue Devitt went out of business months prior and the remaining products are available for sale. So, grand scheme...fall in love with a product that will not be available for purchase later. So, of course I like this powder...joke's on me!

Added Bonus: Guess Jean makeup pouch...I don't care for promotionally branded items, but the gesture is sweet.

Overall, I love Glossybox and trust their opinions on what's hot in the realm of beauty. All full-size products, I can't complain. As for my "Bohemian Summer," well I'm waiting for my Winter Wonderland.

Glossybox Goodness: August 2013

Sneak Peek numero uno has been released. Let's check it out and then think of things we can complain about!


ripped from my Glossybox email



Reasons to complain:

- "I don't wear lip color." (Which you should)
- More pinks! That's all we ever get is pink (This complaint changes based on color sent)
- How do you sharpen it? Do I twist it? (This one gets everyone...life IS hard)
-Jelly Pong Pong? Is this a sex lubricant? (I know...could be ;)
-An 18 dollar value? Well I wouldn't pay 1.00. (Well, I would...so stick that in your back pocket)