Glossy Box: April 2015

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Marrakesh: Endz: Split End Mender & Preventer- It's easy to tell when a women does not use a leave-in conditioner. Today, I silently pointed out a women who could have used such a product. Frizzy, unruly, and certainly no-product, stood a woman at the jewelry counter at Walmart. Yes, buy your jewelry there...you're going places. This product smooths, conditions and tames...but I'd never buy it, because of the name...Mender & Preventer.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "The full-size is only 1 oz, with my Rapunzel-like locks, that's hardly one application."
• "I am a shampoo and conditioner-in-one kind of gal. This step and product is unnecessary." 

Aerin: Waterlily Sun: A deluxe sized perfume spritzer, with the most pleasant of all smells. The info card describes it as a fragrance "meant to capture the feeling of sunlight reflecting on water...." and since I purposefully make it a point to avoid all sunlight, I can't say that I disagree. This is easily a new favorite scent and if I had the $110, I'd splurge on the 1.7 oz of water-reflected sunlight in a bottle.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Ever hear of allergies, Glossybox! What beauty sub would everrrr send a perfume sample their subscribers?"
• "I thought we were all getting full-sizes? Hook and Bait. Hook and Bait."

Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics: Stained Gloss: Rhythm Box- Featured in less than user-friendly packaging is a rather good product. This gloss oddly enough does not come with a lip brush, forcing the user to stain their fingers when applying the product. The color is glossy enough, yet intimidating for a low-maintenance kind of gal. Luckily, I'm high maintenance. (This product was also sent out to other subscribers in what is affectionately being referred to as "traffic cone orange...I would have liked that. Sad Face.)

Reasons to Bitch: 

• "Touch-ups at the local bump-n-grind are virtually impossible with this horrible squeeze-tip applicator."
• "No, no, no. I'm a professional woman and not a prosti-tot. I won't be using this."

Estee Lauder: Enlighten Dark Spot Correcting Night Serum: I'm not sure what a "dark-spot is or if I even have them...I do love Estee Lauder, so I'll add it to my already extensive skin-care routine. I don't expect miracles from it...because I don't actually know what I am trying to correct. I am thrilled to see Estee being featured and look for more to come in future boxes.

Reasons to Bitch:

• "Department store make-up counters are a mere step-up above drug stores. Don't try to play me like that."
• "I have so many 'samples' of this product from all the free GWP that I've received from Estee. Fail."

Julep: Gel Eye Glider: Navy: Incredibly long-lasting with an ultra-smooth application, this Gel Liner will be a staple in my vanity. Navy is universally flattering for all eye-colors and easily transitions from daytime to nighttime.

Reasons to Bitch

• "If I wanted Julep products, I'd subscribe to Julep. Please don't pass off other sub products for a broader range of advertising. 
• "I don't wear eye-liner, because I wear glasses." Guys don't make passes at girls' who wear glasses, EVER."

Thursday Friday Makeup Bag: I like the idea of this...but this is just so bad. It's so completely awful, but I like the brand. It's like the company said "What's the ugliest bag that we have...Oh, easy, this studded-lip bag. We've sold exactly zero of them...Hand them out and hopefully somebody will like it. I appreciate the bag, I really do...but why that design? How.

Overall, this month was an absolute hit. Glossybox continues to smash their competition with their thoughtfully packaged boxes and now...their stunning and highly sought after box designs.

Grade: A 

Ipsy: April 2015

                            

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch."Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: Beautifully Bohemian

JulieG Nail Color: Damsel: I don't enjoy getting nail-polish in sub-boxes, especially, when I could have gotten an Elizabeth Arden Lipstick, but after applying one-coat of this Barbie-pink, I'm glad I did. The formula is streak-free, beautifully colored and semi-chip resistant. I hate the name, it just screams...cheap, but I love the polish.

Reasons to Bitch:

• Cue the drugstore product complaints. It isn't fun without them.
• Q. Who actually paints their own nails? A. Poor people...with no style." 

Pandora's Makeup Box: Pink Carnation Blush: I love this blush more than my current blushes (excluding my Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush). It is a darkened pink color that almost gives the look of a sex-flushed, china-doll. It does not really blend well, and wears best without a bronzer. The sample comes adorably packaged in a magnetic tin that fits perfectly into a Z-palette.

Reasons to Bitch:

• Where the eff is the container for this thing?
• "I already own a blush." (Hey, want to go out for drinks tonight? No thanks, I already have a friend...)

theBalm Cosmetics: Nude Dude Eyeshadow Single: Flirty: Shimmering golden-violet shadow in an incredible package, there's nothing that I don't love about this. The shadow is well-pigmented and easily blended into the lid crease for a quick and professional daytime look. It's the perfect color to smoke-out around the lashes, popping with any eye-color.

Reasons to Bitch:

• I'm heavily offended by theBalm's repulsive and suggestive marketing to women, with their sexy man pictures gracing the cover of my eye-shadow single. 
• Great. Another "skin-tone" color. Where's the variety? Where's the fun? 

Mica Beauty: Eye Primer: Matte, waterproof and quick-drying, this primer is out for business. It doesn't take more than 15 seconds to dry and it creates a strong foundation for lasting eye shadow. For now, I like it better than my trusted Urban Decay primer, because of how fast it dries. 

Reasons to Bitch:

• There was a speck of mold in my primer. Thanks for that. (We all received the email and it isn't mold...it's an air bubble. Relax...unless air bubbles actually do scare you.) 
• The formula was just too thick for my delicate, little eyelids. I could barely open them after applying this paste. 

Mullein and Sparrow: Mini Lip and Cheek Tint: According to the Ipsy website this product is “an all-natural, sheer, tinted balm that gives your lips and cheeks a slight flush and dewy finish; it brightens the whole face with a sheer rosy flush for the cheeks, gloss the lips, and has a sweet orange scent!” Uh...what? This write-up is definitely not for this product. The color in the tin is a dark berry and when applied it is almost clear. Overall, it’s greasy, gritty on the lips and...the complete opposite of it’s description. 

Reasons to Bitch:

• This smells "too earthy," so clearly it is poison. I'll be complaining to IpsyCare in hopes to get a free product.
•  There is absolutely no color when this product is applied. This is clearly a glorified tin of Vaseline. 

April 2015 Bag Edition: Absolutely amazing. There was about an 8-month span where all of the bags seemed to be a cheap version of the last. No excitement, just another throw away...but then this straw, boho-chic gem comes along...it's fantastic. I would have paid 10.00 for this bag alone. 

I have been close to canceling this sub for months, because it seemed like the quality and excitement...disappeared. Hopefully, this month wasn't a fluke.

Click to Sign Up and Bitch!

Grade: A

Birchbox: February 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

February was all about being "Red Carpet Ready," but unfortunately my box didn't get the memo. Onto the Review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Shampoo- For such a fancy name, you'd think the packaging would match. What a horrible color scheme and overall vibe of the product. Even if I loved the product, I wouldn't buy it simply due to the poor marketing and merchandising of the brand. As far as useful information- the scent is bland and the effectiveness...ehh, my hair is clean.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Bain de Terre, you are like the ugly girl of shampoo. Get a makeover and then maybe we'll be friends."
• "I don't use anything that I cannot pronounce the name of...so sorry Bain de whaatttt?"

Bain de Terre: Passion Flower Color Preserving Conditioner- Oh, excellent! Where would a wonky shampoo be without it's trustee sidekick conditioner...in someone else's box, that's where.
Conditioners are a godsend, so I do enjoy them. I can't really be impressed with the "Color Preserving" aspect, because my hair dye cost less than $3 and I do it myself. It would cost more to preserve my glorious locks, than it would to just re-dye them.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Conditioners weigh down my hair and I don't realize that I'm probably using too much."
• "This brand isn't a luxury, for anyone. Cancel my subscription.

Caudalie: S.O.S Moring Eye Rescue- I always have such high hopes for eye creams, but I can never tell if they work. The cream does have a cooling effect when applied under the eye and the scent is calming. As far as eye creams go, this is nice...but it's not like it completely de-puffed my eyes and made me look like a beauty queen.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't know when to put this on. After my shower, before my makeup? After drinking?"
• "Thanks for making me feel like an old person by sending me this eye cream."

OPI: Sheer Tints: I Can Teal You Like Me- I like the idea of this, but I'm not one to get crazy with my nails. I feel uncomfortable, awkward and off-balance, so the best I could do with this polish is wear it as it is.

Reasons to Bitch

• "With the sheer blue tint on my nails, it looks as if lost oxygen and I'm dying."
• "Well, if this isn't the tiniest bottle of nail polish to ever be sent out. I'm outraged."

Harney & Sons Fine Teas: Wrapped Sachets- My mom brings her very own teabag when she comes to visit me, "just in case" I'm fresh out. She clearly doesn't know that I subscribe to Birchbox.  I, however, appreciate the luxury and different flavors of tea that I have discovered over time and this tea is incredible.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have received tea in every other box and I'm going to tell all of my friends about this travesty. You just lost 3 subscribers, my friend."
• "Tea! Awesome...I can't wait until I get sick now."

Instead of "Red Carpet Ready," my box's theme was "Retirement community." Look Grandma, we brought you color preserving hair products for you sassy gray hair, eye-cream for those late night bingo games, a new fun polish for that date you mention with your neighbor, Graham and two delicious types of tea. Now don't forget who loves you."

Grade (for a 27 year old): 70.2% C-
Grade (for a 72 year old): 95% A (That blue polish was a little wild)

Ipsy: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

January seems to be a challenge for subscription boxes and well, onto the review:

"Reasons to Bitch" is all inspired by what others are bitching about on message boards. Thanks for bitching, bitches.

Elizabeth Mott Smooth Shadow: Pearl- Shimmery shadow that easily blends is a welcomed addition to any makeup collection. The Pearl color can be used as a highlighter or for a quick-fix to wake up tired eyes.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How in the world do I sharpen this plastic pencil? This is simply beyond me."
• (A really sharp sharper, is what you need.")
• "I don't like the color I received and will never even consider experimenting with this."

Épicé Purifying Exfoliant- Facial exfoliants are never exciting to me, but seemingly Épicé has a good one. I don't think at anytime, I'll be switching up my routine,  but this will make a good scrub for the gym bag...whenever I go back to the gym. 

Reasons to Bitch

• "Épicé isn't all that well known and I already have a top-rated skin care regimen."
• "I was over zealous while scrubbing my face and now I'm in pain."

MicaBeauty Tinted Lip Balm: Natural- This is the absolute driest lip 'balm' in the world and that breaks my heart. The color is a darker nude and it doesn't really match my skin tone. Paired with a deep, smoky eye this product just may work.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This balm soaked up all the moisture that I had in my lips, leaving me all chapped...and sad."
• "Balms that do not include a brush are breeding pools for bacteria and diseases."

Proactiv+ Mark Fading Pads- Proactive+ is a well-trusted brand and one that has changed my life. I will forever use their products. Luckily, I don't have a need for the mark fading pads, but with 4 pads included in my bag, it's not like I'll even know if they work.

[Edit 2/20/2014] These mark fading pads smell like onions and alcohol, plus they burn. This is simply an awful product. Proactiv+ why? Why!

Reasons to Bitch

• "Proactiv+ is just too harsh for my little skin."
• "I can't afford the Proactiv+ system and don't realize that Wal-Mart makes almost the exact same formula as Proactiv+ itself.

Sexy Hair: Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Tri-Wheat Leave In Conditioner- Sexy Hair is a brand I believe in. Their products are always on the cutting edge of hair styling and they really do live up to their name. This product can be used for all four seasons and improve overall hair-health.

Reasons to Bitch

• "All I ever get is 'Sexy Hair' products and I'm drowning in them."
• "I enjoy my coarse pubic like hair and don't see how a leave-in conditioner will help."

Overall, this bag seemed a little misguided, but it wasn't without a valiant attempt.

January 2014 Bag Edition -I was the least excited to get this bag, because online...it just looked so damn awful, but it's absolutely my favorite bag to date. The contrasting blues, simple design and over-sized pouch is perfect.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This bag smells like a chemical explosion and I absolutely had to throw it away."
• "Considering this bag looks like it was made out of a pool lining, I'd be more comfortable receiving it in the summer months.

Grade: B- (literally an 80.25%)

Birchbox: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Birchy-box, welcome home! Did your New Year's Resolution consist of sending out quality boxes? Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Fekkai: Brilliant Glossing Crème- Never have I ever used a better crème than Fekkai. The scent, texture and finish is better than that of any salon I have ever gone to. Fekkai is phenomenal.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This product has been on the market for several years now? Why are you just now discovering it?"
• "Um, yes. Target sells this and you expect me to believe that it's high-end?"

Inika: Mineral Eye Shadow in Eternal Marine- Mineral shadows take a bit of skill to master and usually has a lot of fallout. This product last for hours and stays in place far better than my experience with other mineral products. With the dazzling color and sheen, Inika in Eternal Marine will take the perfect nighttime look to the celebrity level.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Mineral shadows are too messy for me and I'm not very skilled in makeup application."
• "I don't love the color I received and I'll never venture away from my outdated look to wear this."

Juicy Couture: Couture La La- This scent smells very similar to something that I wore when I was younger and it doesn't really work with me now. The scent is light, sweet and...innocent? Overall, it's nice, but I feel like it was meant for a younger crowd.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I hate receiving perfume samples and all you ever send me is Juicy."
• "Just because it's over-priced, doesn't make it Couture."

Nail Rock: Velvet- This is by far the coolest product that I have received from Birchbox. Dark velvety nails is such a sexy idea. I wasn't impressed with staying power, but that's not really the selling point of this product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I stupidly put a top coat over the velvet and now...it's just not fuzzy anymore."
• "Messy, messy, messy! I simple can't handle the mess!"

Burt's Bees: Intense Hydration Day Lotion- I am in love, in love with a lotion. The scent smells like summer and that's incredible. The texture, consistency and overall feel of the product was impressive. My hands actually felt hydrated after using the lotion. Well played, Burt.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How dare you include this 'mass market product' in my box?"
• "Burt's Bees? Are you serious? Only 'People of Wal-Mart' use Burt's Bees."

Overall, Birchbox killed any and all competitor this month and I hope that's just the beginning.

Grade: A+

Blush Mystery Beauty Box: January 2014

Sweet Photo Skills by Jzim

Blush Mystery Beauty box has arrived and it strangely seems as if it was curated by someone on crack... Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

LeEdge Skin Exfoliator- After a stressful day, I like to unwind by dragging a dull blade across my body to relax. Thankfully LeEdge has come to the rescue. Really, what is that? Scrapping off dead skin with a dull blade? Was this needed? Am I that scaly? I slid this down my arm without being in the shower and that was painful. I then gave it a try in the shower and that just felt like an extremely ineffective shave. Overall, my skin felt...violated.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This is on-sale on Amazon and for me, that devalues the entire content of the box."
• "LeEdge increases suicidal ideation and that's a big no-no."

Jane Iredale: Just Kissed Lip Plumber: Tokyo- Slightly tingly, pleasantly colored, strawberry scented lipstick, this would be a phenomenal find if it was full-sized. The color goes on much lighter than it looks and it doesn't dry out your lips.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This lipstick is rounded at the tip and it doesn't shape by lips like it should."
• "The sample was too small considering it was the ONLY makeup product in the box."

Osmosis Skincare Harmonized Water Digestive Health- I would like to believe in gimmicks like quick-fix products...but this one yields zero results, negative or positive. The 'trick,' if you will, is to add 2ml to a glass of water and drink twice daily. Then over time your skin will improve and so will your insides. After we decode the bullshit, it is easy to see that you just added extra glasses of water to your diet. Water improves skin and overall health...not a $30 bottle of "Harmonized Water."

Reasons to Bitch

• "This isn't something that should even be included in a beauty box. It's a dietary aide."
• "You can keep your voodoo away from me. There's only one water that can cleanse me."

Goldfaden Md: Wake Up Call- I am neither pleased, nor displeased with this product. It's a facial rejuvenator that I'm hesitant to try due to the harsh wintery conditions. There aren't many reviews on this product and with such sensitive skin, I'm not looking to experiment at this time.

Reasons to Bitch

• "What an expensive price-tag for a full size bottle. OMG, no thanks."
• "I already have an extensive skin-care routine and I'm not about to introduce a new product."

Klorane Leave-In Cream with Desert Date- The spicy scent reminds me of the cologne that my creepy study-hall teacher wore when he would stand over me and uncomfortably rub my shoulders. Other than awakening that re-pressed memory, Klorane Leave-In Cream leaves me feeling incredible. My hair is smooth, manageable and light. Trip to the guidance counselor, not needed. A+

Reasons to Bitch

• "Leave-In creams leave my hair greasy and my heart, sad."
• "I really want the hair mask that some others received. This is so my luck."

Gytone Hydrating Eye Cream- Scentless and slightly tingly this Hydrating Eye Cream has me hooked. Sleepless nights are quickly concealed with this hydrating formula.

[Edit 2/20/2014] I like this product very much, but I'm allergic to it. If I only put it under my eye, no reaction...near my brow bone, well...let's just not go there.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I accidently got this in my eyes and the burning pain was unbelievable."
• "I don't use eye-creams, because I'm a Botox type of gal."

Overall, there were some hidden gems in this box...but it certainly could have used some improvement.

Grade: E for Effort. Sometimes, creativity just isn't appreciated.

Glossybox: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

Glossybox, why! Why, why, why! Somebody out there loved their box, but it certainly wasn't me. The products for this month were quite anti-climatic and well, no girl enjoys that. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Anatomicals: You Need A Blooming Shower!- Even if I enjoyed the horrendous scent of "panty-liner rose" I would still have an issue with the gaudy packaging and advertisement scheme. Nothing about this product worked for me. The scent, tacky colors and verbiage was an utter catastrophe. Who wants to take a shower and smell worse after it?

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't much care for floral scents and that is putting it nicely."
• "Anatomicals is such a cheap line of skin care. How good can that be for me?"

Ardency Inn: PUNKER World's Baddest Eyeliner- The only gem in the box was the eyeliner, but I'm neither a 'punk,' nor 'badass,' so the marketing for this little liner is again, wasted. The liner is that of a black sharpie and works quite well. It lasts all day and well into those dark and dreary nights.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "I like to pretend that I'm good at applying makeup, but cannot seem to use a liner correctly."
• "I got this confused with my sharpie and now I'm all messed up." Permanently.

Michael Todd True Organics: Pumpkin Mask- Clearly printed on the bottle is a warning against use on sensitive skin. Well, that's cool. Unless, I wanted a super-fun rash that swells my eyes shut for days on end..I think I'll pass.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Michael Todd tried to kill me with this product."
• "I hate all forms of pumpkin...so yeah, I'll smear that on my face."

Nails Inc. Victoria Polish- As for an international nail polish, I am fairly pleased. Again, the visual of the bottle itself is lacking, but the polish and crimson color are decent. Overall, Nails Inc. offers a shiny, no-chip product.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I'm one of those fussy people that complain about products not made in the USA."
• "The rounded cap makes application quite difficult and my fine motor skills are weak."

Naobay: Oxygenating Cream Moisturizing- Lotion. Over-priced, Boring Lotion. If I'm going to pay for a lotion that costs over 20 dollars an ounce, I'd like to at least enjoy it. Out of all the competitors in the body care line, this one makes no sense.

Reasons to Bitch

• "This lotion promises so many benefits, but I can't afford it to find out."
• "Naobay is a natural and organic product...and I'm not one of those people."

Overall, this box was not curated for me. It's not that the products were 'bad,' they just were meant for someone else. Very sad ending for year 2k13.

Grade: D

Ipsy: December 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim

With Christmas parties on the horizon, this month was all about celebrating and looking good while downing the eggnog. With such excitement on the way, what could go wrong...? Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

POP Beauty Bright Up Your Life Eye Shadow Trio- Naturally Bare: I was pleasantly surprised with this shadow, considering how the Pop Beauty crayon was an ultra bust. The colors are full of shimmer and they easily layer upon each other. You can create a natural eye or sultry dimensions...depending on your skill, of course. Well done POP Beauty.

Reason to Bitch

• "This was made in China and I simply refuse to use it."
• "Woah...there is just way too much glitter in these shadows for my style. No thanks."

Be a Bombshell The One Stick: Sunset- Be a Bombshell is an excellent brand that continues to impress. Multi-tasking beauty products are becoming increasingly popular and "The One Stick" doesn't disappoint. The color, texture and overall feel of the product is fantastic. This product has officially been added to my work bag. A+

Reasons to Bitch

• "The color is so horrendous on me that I am telling all of my friends to cancel."
• "Enough with the 'Be a Bombshell' cosmetics. They are just too awesome and I want to ruin everyone else's fun.

Ardell Natural Lash: I want to love lashes, I really do...but I feel like a drag queen in them. Not to be confused with the gorgeous RuPaul. I like the natural look of these and how the glue was included.

Reasons to Bitch

• "One of the fake lashes got underneath my contact and now I'm blind."
• "I accidently glued my eyes shut while trying to apply these. Shame."

J.Cat Beauty Big Lip Pencil: Caramel Mocha- Creamy, pigmented and overall impressive lip product. This pencil is travel-worthy and great for any last minute parties.

Reasons to Bitch

• "How many times do I have to tell you that I HATE red lipsticks!"
• "J.Cat isn't very well know and therefore, not for me."

Starrily Nail Polish: Bzz Bzz- Nothing screams Christmas like a black and yellow sparkle polish. No? I'm wrong? I put this on my nails and attempted to like it, but it's just not my style. Wah.

Reasons to Bitch

• "U.G.L.Y you don't got no alibi, you're ugly. Yeah, yeah, you're ugly."
• "Sparkly polish doesn't apply very well for me!"

Overall, this month didn't astound me, but I am still very happy. Honorable mention to this months bag, itself; as it was phenomenal. Happy holidays an keep on bitching.

Grade: B

Birchbox: Novemer 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim

The good, the bad, the Birchbox: This month was all over the place for me; having received 2 incomplete boxes to make up 1 full-box of samples was kind of an experience. The picture above is that of my 2 boxes combined to fix the initial error of sending me my original box with only 2 samples. Through this bizarre month, I have been able to capture Birchbox's customer service in full.

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Theme: More Good (The theme never correlates to the products received and it's more like 'what we should be focusing on for the month', itself. People like to cause a fuss about this...but uh, they need something to bitch about when waiting for their clothes to dry at the laundry mat. Zzing.

Aloxxi: Weightless Styling Gelee- High-priced hair products aren't always worth the cost, and this is one of them. This gelee has an incredible unisex scent, but it's pretty lackluster in every other area. The consistency is thin and stringy and the benefits aren't really impressive.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I don't use fancy hair products and refuse to ever even try."
• "This costs too much for my penny-pinching ways."

Color Club: On the Rocks- This polish is the perfect holiday color for all of the upcoming parties. Color Club does a remarkable job with their formula and applicator brush. Having several Color Club polishes already, I am once again, impressed.

Reasons to Bitch

• "We get sent Color Club polish in every other box and I'm over that."
• "Once again, I got a sassy, fun color and I simply won't wear that to the office."

Laura Mercier: Lip Glace in Quartz- This gloss is so incredible, that I just might just need to re-evaluate everything I know about lip products. Laura Mercier Lip Glace is very similar to Bare Escentuals Marvelous Moxie gloss, minus the tingling sensation. The color, intensity, scent, texture, finish and design is amazing. Santa, be warned....I expect this in my stocking.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Quartz, who wears a brown lip gloss?"
• "24 dollars for a lip product? What is the made out of, gold?"

Eyeko: Black Magic Mascara- Simple curved, classic black mascara. I don't think this will replace any of my lash favorites, but I'm happy to stick the adorable tube in my purse for those quick "I always look this good," moments.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Another black mascara...need I say more?"
• "I have such sensitive little eyes and I can't use this!"

Fatty Sundays: Chocolate Covered Pretzel- I received the chocolate mint and nut pretzel and although I enjoy all of those flavors, combining them together doesn't exactly cause a party in my mouth. Once you accept the fact that you're eating something with the word "Fatty" in it, you are then saddened by the weird combination flavor.

Reasons to Bitch

• 'Fatty Sunday' has unfortunately ruined my love with all things chocolate and pretzel.
• "This wasn't a beauty sample and I'm one of those classless scum-bags that blast mean things to the company about a small pretzel sample."

Overall, with all the mishaps I endured this month, I'm still pleased. Birchbox has the most incredible customer service and I don't know who "Sara" is, but she is phenomenal. Mistakes happen (quite frequently with Birchbox) but they will overcome that and with the customer service they have intact, I'm inclined to work with them.

Grade: E for effort

Glossybox: November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim

Glossybox is like the "sleeper" out of all of the beauty subscriptions. There isn't really ever any buzz about it and the product spoilers never really jazz anyone. It isn't until you actually open the box and try the products, that you realize that you have dramatically upgraded your makeup collection.
 
Theme: Holiday Romance (I don't have a clue how they came up with this theme. Nothing correlates and there is no red lip, glitter, shimmer or shine, included in the box. A better theme would have been "Refined Classic, but they didn't ask me."
 
For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.
 
Emite Makeup: Micronized Eye Shadow in Dams- The queen of all black shadows has officially been discovered. I am so impressed with the texture, color and blending quality of this product. Most black shadows are overbearing and not very user-friendly. This shadow is buildable and leaves a flawless finish. A+
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I am way too pale to use the timeless black shadow and I'm scared of even trying it."
• "Halloween is over...so black shadow, neat not apply."

Masty: Color Protection Color Protecting Leave-in Oil Treatment- $25 for 2oz is a bit pricey for hair oil. I'm currently obsessed with another oil, so I'm not overly excited to try this. The scent was nothing spectacular. Hair oils should be included in everyone's routine, so overall, this will be useful.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "Er, doesn't hair oil do the same thing as conditioner?" (Be ashamed if you thought this.)
• "Who adds oil to their hair? I don't see the point."

Nicka K: New York Professional Eyeshadow Brush- This brush is made with 'pony hair,' and that creeps me out. As far as brushes go, this is average. There is no overwhelming technology that astounds me or improves my look. It's what it is...a brush...made with horse hair. No winners here.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I never use shadow and can't possibly find another use for this brush."
• "I don't use any animal related product, and this includes pony hair."

The Aloe Source: Jojoba Radiance Cleansing Polish- Neat. Another facial cleanser. The scent is plain and the cleansing effect is average. There is nothing exciting about this. Even the packaging is boring.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I only use that scary high-powered skin product that increases suicide ideation."
• "I'm a bar soap and wash cloth kind of gal. I don't need all them fancy products."

Vincent Longo: Duo Eye Pencil- Incredible, multi-look pencil in 'complimentary shades.' This pencil is perfect for creating a multitude of stunning looks. I am absolutely pleased with this product and hope to see more of Mr. V. Longo in the upcoming months.
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "I got the super cool and trendy green combo pencil and I just want to bitch about that."
• "I don't use a double-headed anything, and that includes eyeliner."

Overall, this box was a stalemate. I'm certainly not disappointed, but I'm not in-love either. The theme makes no sense and any kind of 'Holiday Romance,' that comes my way over the next month better not include any pony-hair. That my friend, is a deal-breaker.

Grade: B, thanks to the shadows and liner, mind you.

Ipsy: November 2013

Sweet Photo skills of Jzim

If I were publicly posting "things I'm thankful for" on social media for this month, I would be thankful for Ipsy. This month was by far the absolute greatest; but yes it's still your $10 and you can bitch if you want to. I'm aware. We're all aware. Onto the review:

 For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Em Michelle Phan: Pillow Plush Cushiony Lip Balm: Berries- Amazing. Achieving the perfect "wine-stained" lip without looking like a lame attempt at the gothic lifestyle is not an easy task. Michelle Phan finally put out the perfect balm in the greatest of all colors.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I didn't get the color I wanted! WAH!"
• "I don't like how I have to get my whittle finger all messy to apply this."

Be a Bombshell: Lip Crayon: Hot Damn- Who doesn't love a bright red lipstick? I'll tell you who: Twats. Twats don't love bright red lipsticks, but whores do. I can't get enough of this. I kind of wish I still was into the party scene because this Lip Crayon is killer.

Reasons to Bitch

• "RED! I'm not a harlot! Why do you keep sending me this timeless, classic color?"
• "I don't wear lipstick and I'm too greedy to give this or trade it away."

Nailtini: Straight Up Color Nail Laquer: Champagne- Ipsy loves Nailtini. We get it every other month. Luckily, this month we were sent a classy, low-key color. The consistency and overall application is pretty high. I might just look forward to our next Nailtini in 'January.'

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have yet to learn my fine motor skills and apply polish like a toddler."
• "I don't classify polish as 'makeup' and I except more for my $10."

TRESemme TRES Two Extra Hold Hairspray- I changed up my profile specifically to get the hairspray. If this were the 80s, I'd have the huge can in my fanny-pack. Although this isn't a lux product, it's still a great spray and an affordable one at that.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "Oh Em Gee. I got this and I'm an irate 'Ipster.' I'll just spam the Ipsy FB page to let the community know of my distaste...repeatedly."
• "I would never use a drug store hair product, because I'm a snooty cow-bag."

Pixie Beauty: Bronzer: Subtly Suntouched- Pixie is a top-runner in my cosmetic line of favorites. Unfortunately, this bronzer is only on the average side. It's fair, but the pigmentation is only so-so.

Reasons to Bitch

• "Why were we sent a bronzer in November? My small brain doesn't comprehend-o."
• "I already have a 'healthy glow' of radiation from the tanning salon. No thank you, Pixie."

Starlooks Gem Eye Pencil: Topaz- Metallic eye-liners need to make a serious comeback, because this color is insane. I love it, but it's not a "quick trip to Wal-Mart color." As far as pigmentation and application, this pencil doesn't disappoint.

Reasons to Bitch

• I'm a sassy, outspoken curmudgeon and will neverrrrr wear this color to the office."
• "I only use mechanical liners and cannot be bothered with the 2-second sharpening process."

Overall, Ipsy killed it. However, they kind of set themselves up for December, because everyone has unrealistically high expectations. This now will become the "month to beat," and I'll be impressed if they can.

Grade: A+

Pop Sugar Must Have: November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim



Pop Sugar certainly gave a lot to be thankful for, with this months box. With mostly high-marks from the critical cynics, Pop Sugar saved themselves a headache, after recently increasing their prices. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Michael Stars Wrap- This wrap alone makes the whole box worth it. I'm not a typical scarf kind of gal, but I can't wait to wear this as much and as often as I can. The pattern is so gorgeous and it is super soft. Long story short: I look phenomenal in this. Win. Win & win.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I'm stylistically-challenged and I don't know how to wear scarves."
• "I don't like the pattern and now want to write Pop Sugar mean letters expressing this."

Illume Candle: Naughty- "Spicy wooded scent" makes up this naughty candle that lasts a grand total of 35 hours. I am in love with this candle and couldn't be happier with the masculine scent.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "Candles emit such harmful toxins and smog into the environment and I'm one of those really weird people that complain about things like this."
• "I have such a sensitive little nose and this makes me all stuffy and sad."

Lands' End Single Canvas Wine Tote- I strictly like to drink out of a paper bag, but I wouldn't mind the upgrade. I'm just joking...I still like the paper bag. This tote is so well made and can be embroidered. Perhaps you know somebody that strangely loves monograms...and drinking.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I have no idea how to or what to use this for."
• "I'm a former alcoholic. Thanks for the reminder, Pop Sugar."

Maison De Monaco: Strawberry & Blackcurrant Cream Preserves- I have never in my life put anything better than this in my mouth. There has been some steep competition, but Masison De Monaco prevails. The scent, flavor and consistency all work in an incredibly delicious way. Yum.  

Reasons to Bitch

• "I strictly buy preserve-free jellies and this is useless to me."
• "This is made with alcohol and that completely compromises my morale's."

The Soap & Paper Factory: Roland Pine Shea Butter Soap- Scented bar soap is more of a novelty than anything, simply because you can't really use it anywhere other than your hands. I, however, enjoy the pine scent so perhaps I'll stop resenting hand-washing...for at least a little while.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I washed my lady parts with this soap and now I need to make a trip to my gyno."
• "I still can't forgive the 'Paper Factory' for sending out those hideous paper coasters, (which I use each and every day since receiving them.)"

Absolute! Nail Polish Remover Pads: Peach- The good: These are the tiniest, cutest and perfectly purse-sized nail polish pads. The bad: They smell like peach-booze. They are horribly oily and they only clean about 2 nails per pad. I appreciate the concept, but there is a reason that they retail for $2 per pack. 
 
Reasons to Bitch

• "They removed all of my polish, and then stained my fingers."
• "The oil from the pads stained my clothes AND broke my heart."  

Canvaspop Gift Card: $30- With the exclusion of having to pay for shipping & handling, this gift card is pretty fantastic. Once I find a canvas-worthy photo, I'll gladly pay for shipping. An 8x10, unframed canvas is a flat $30. Very cool.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I refuse to pay for shipping and I'm angry that Pop Sugar put me in this situation."
• "Photography has met the digital age and nobody prints out pictures anymore."

Barefruit Crunchy Sea Salt Caramel Apple Chips- How delicious does this sound? Not only is the packaging attractive, but these are super low in calorie. What's not to love, right? These are hideous. They do not taste like apples, or caramel, or chips, or even salt. 100% natural, 100% nasty.

Reasons to Bitch

• "I took these to work for a healthy snack alternative and I about died from the awfulness."
• "I can buy these at the gas station and that to me...just isn't luxury."

Overall, this month was incredible. Hopefully this becomes a trend, but alas...we all know that this is never the case.

Grade: A+

Blush Mystery Beauty Box- November 2013

Sweet Photo-skills of Jzim

November, the month where we all pretend that we're happy and "thankful" for all of the "blessings" in our lives. Well, this is only relevant if you're publicly bragging on Facebook to make yourself look a little less like a wanker. However, in the world of beauty subs, thankful...is a word you'll never hear. Onto the review:

For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.

Cargo High Pigment Pencil: Brown- This is the perfect pencil for achieving a professional look without looking overly made-up. Application is fairly decent, but nothing to really rave about. I'll use this pencil when I have to look alert for those horrible 6am work shifts.
 

Reasons to Bitch:

         - "This isn't a mechanical liner and I actually have to sharpen this pencil."
         - "Brown is such a boring, poop color and my peepers deserve the best."

Nick Chavez Horsetail Root Lifting Spray- Horsetail Root Extract is a large plant with hollow stems, primarily used for medicinal purposes. I was hoping that this was the case and it wasn't from an actual horse's tail. This spray smells so much like alcohol and would be the worst to use after a drinking binge. Overall, this product is alright. It kind of seems like it was a lame attempt at a lifting spray.   

Reasons to Bitch:

        - "My hair is already full, thick and gorgeous."
        - "I'm still concerned that this is from an actual horse's tail and that is not okay with me."

Pur-Lisse Pur Perfect Essential Daily Moisturizer- Oh, how I enjoy moisturizers. Psyche, no I don't. What I do find exciting about this is that it's a 30spf sunscreen as well. At least that one day of the year when I go outside, I'll be covered.

Reasons to Bitch:

        - "I already have too many tubes of this from other beauty subs."
        - "I never use sun-screen, because a tan is worth the health risk."

Anstastia Mini Hydrafull Gloss: Sorbet- How I would have loved for this to be full-sized...even trial-sized would have been nice. This gloss is half of the size of my pointer finger. No exaggeration. The color is phenomenal, but the applicator tip is a plastic paddle. I hope this isn't the new trend for lip applicators, as I am seeing it pop up everywhere. This gloss is great...just a mini-baby gloss.

Reasons to Bitch:

         - "This is such a bright neon color and I would never wear this shade for the Fall season."
         - "This is so small; it got lost in my pocket."

Smart FX Smartlash Enhancer- My lackluster, short lashes has officially given me a complex. I begged my eye doctor for lash help and he just laughed at me. I told him that I was losing friends because of my short-lashes. He did not believe me. After several weeks of usage, I'll be able to give more than a past life-memory for a review.  

Reasons to Bitch:

         - "I already have gorgeous Disney Princess lashes."
         - "What if I love this and have to repurchase it at the retail price?!"

--> While searching for Smartlash Enhancer reviews, it seems like all  of the fantastic reviews on certain websites may be part of a consumer scam. Not saying that the product is harmful, but more of a false advertisement. That's the general buzz on the inter-web, but relying on another persons opinion isn't exactly how you should live your life, but that's just my opinion.  

Paula’s Choice RESIST Ultra-Light Super Antioxidant Concentrate Serum- Another, "You're getting old" serum. I don't have wrinkles. Perhaps it's because I'm still in my 20s or the fact that I keep using all of these bizarre serums sent my way.

Reasons to Bitch:
             
          - "How many more skin care items are there in this world?"
          - "I have super-sensitive skin, but I'll use this and complain anyways!"

Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color Maximum Volume Mascara: Black- As far as mascaras go, this one is pretty average. The brush is average, the application is average and the color is...what was it? Oh, average. Mascara has come a long way, but I guess we were sent one that was created in the 80s.

Reasons to Bitch:

          - "The tube has a sticker on it saying, "Gift-not for resale," and that's tacky."
          -  "I needed another black mascara like another hole in my head."

Overall, I'm not exactly high-fiving everyone around me, but I'm not immensely disappointed either.

 

Grade C: Needs improvement.