Monday, August 12, 2013

Birchbox Bitching: August 2013

Sweet Photo Skills of Jzim
Birch-y-box just arrived! For each product you will see my own opinion and underneath that you will see "Reasons to Bitch." Reasons to Bitch is all inspired and generated from what others are bitching about on message boards.
The August theme is "Finishing School." I did not understand the theme was concurrent with "Prep School or Cotillion Classes." I thought it was like, "Hey, I'm Finishing School!" It wasn't until I read the added literature that I understood the theme. I can't be the only one...
Tan Towel- A Birchbox Beauty Extra, I like the idea of this, but I'm whiter than a ghost, so it would take more than 1 Tan Towel to fix me up. I'll still get the bright idea that this will, in fact make me a bronze goddess and use it...most likely before a big event where all my friends will be.
Reasons to Bitch
  • "Only 1 Tan Towel! I expected a whole box of them!"
  • "I'm already tan...what can I do with this?"
  • I only like to tan with natural sun light...not with chemicals!"
  • The packaging tells me to "Look Good Naked," bitch please...have you seen me! I'm already there.
Dr. Jart+ Beauty Balm- I haven't met a BB Cream that I haven't loved. The color matches perfectly and the finish is matte and oil-free.
Reasons to Bitch
  • "The color doesn't match my skin, perfectly! (You probably don't even know what you need)"
  • "I expected more than a 7-day "trial."
  • "My skin is super sensitive and I'm way too much of a puss to try this."
  • "Beauty Balm? I thought that was a lip balm. Hook and bate, BB!"
Modelco Party Proof Lipstick (Disco Fever)- I am a lipstick whore. I can't get enough of the color-infused, glam-tubes. (Mine came broken, but the fabulous customer service at BB is shipping me a new one)
Reason to Bitch
  • "The color! Wah, wah the color! Disco Fever? More like Ugly Fever."
  • "Party Proof? Nobody invites me to any parties. Now I'm even sadder."
  • "I don't wear lipstick...and I'm angry that you tried to make my attractive."
Lumiere d'hiver Super Comb and Protect- Leave-in conditioner is my hair's only saving grace. Without leave-in conditioners, I'd most likely pull a crazed Britney Spears and shave my hair off. I love the scent of this product. It has a masculine-type scent and nothing close to Vanilla. The sample size is quite nice, too.
Reasons to Bitch
  • "My pump-spray won't work, because I didn't prime it enough."
  • "I only use Argon Oils from exotic countries, not leave-in conditioners."
  • "I don't like the scent." I prefer Vanilla."
  • "The packaging is colorless. I'm a cheery kind of girl and this just won't do." 
Jasmine Seven Fresh Feet Wipes- Feet wipes! This is a good idea, but it's a bit pretentious. My friends already think I'm fussy, because the outdoors scare me; so I think it'll be great to bust out these wipes and use them in their company.
Reasons to Bitch
  • "I use my vagina wipes for a whole-body tune up. I'm already covered, Jasmine."
  • "I'm anti-flip flops, so my feet never get dirty."
  • The peppermint scent burns my delicate little tootsies. Wah.
  • "I didn't know that I couldn't use these on my face and now my eyes are swollen. Lawyer Up, BB."
What can I say? I love Birchbox. I find all kinds of sweet products that I never knew existed. After this box, I'm officially ready to "Finish School."

Clickity-click-click SIGN UP & BITCH